I'll be honest. I'm dragging ass here and there at this point. It's become a struggle to get myself to sit down and practice problems relating to bonds and stock. Now, if you have ever had a business class, then you know how boring it all is. Don't worry. I will spare the details of all the shit I have to grasp in 2 weeks.

When I am forced to study, I usually do odd things like chores that could wait or chores that I really don't need to do. I'll sweep my room because dammit.....I found a piece of lint or string on the ground. I swear it is the weirdest way of acting when I really should be with pen and paper, not vaccum and dust pan.

My workout tonight? It was alright. The only highlight was that I saw Harry and Joe. Harry was in Alabama to see his family or something like that. The fucker has kin everywhere! Joe was in a funk since all he has is working full time and then class. I hope he doesn't join the Air Force since I'm going to miss that sack of shit. I know I shouldn't be selfish but it seems like people leave my life so often.

It's true that people come and go out of my life. Travis went to work in Chicago along with his fiancee. George went who knows where since I did not know he was leaving. Polly went to work in Chicago as well. Dennis lives in Florida thanks to a great job offer. What about me? Will anyone miss me? It's just me in a town that I have not been catching up on since I lived 9 months of my life away and now am back to find you just can't go home again. People part and that's the worst fact of life.

It's interesting that I mention this because MTV's True Life is going to be on ......get ready for this......."I'm Breaking Up." I shit you not! Now, at first I was a little bit apprehensive on seeing a show on break-ups since we do have Jerry Springer ya know? Well, it would be nice to see something a little less dramatic but I wonder how they will fit a whole hour of some girl crying. Do boys cry?

The only big break-up I went through was with.......you guessed it....Kristan. She moved away to get her PhD. in political science. Yes, this boy could debate Republicans and Democrats like the best of 'em. It took me a whole 2 years to get over my first love. Nothing comes close to that amount of pain. Nothing.

To give you an idea how hurt I was, I could not lift weights so I ran 5 miles a day, felt weak in class, and was completely not myself. My mind raced all the time since I missed her to the point that I was driving myself insane! Never ever put all you have into a relationship since there is always the possiblity of it crumbling and then you are left with nothing.

Now I am not saying as a form of advice to just think lightly of your significant other. What I am saying is to not cling to this person as if he/she is your only reason for living. I have seen this over and over in school in which relationships are completely insane like this. If someone was my girlfriend, I would not want her asking, "Who's my schmoochy moochy?" and so on. If it gets that bad, I have a .45 and a shovel.

Relationships are tricky little fuckers. How do you keep it interesting? How do you deal with them as well as school? What if the other thinks you spend more time in school than with him/her? Don't get me started on the cheating I saw in my dorm. That had me realing in madness to second guess everything.

If you have a great boyfriend or girlfriend, go have a blast! Just don't take this person for granted. Wish all those girls in college that did the damage to me would have realized that deep inside this close to 200 pound body is a scarred individual that is now a bit untrusting at times.

You wanna know what's funny? I really should one day move on from my past. In my opinion it won't happen til I graduate away from school and enter a different world. Yeah, like a adulthood is any better. No music listening people that go to bed at 10pm is fun for all!

- - 2009-07-07

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