Well, Bald-O was dancing (if you can call it that) and this girl came up straight to him, right to his face. He reacted in a hilarious manner: "What do I do?" The girls laughed at him since Bald-O really did not know what to do. Should he have danced with her? Well, he did nothing so she walked off to dance with some other guys that apparently knew her.

I, too, don't know what I would have done if some girl I didn't know just walked up to dance with me (it was more like a wobble since my stomach was so full of pizza and burgers AND beer). You see, I haven't been in a full-fledged relationship for a while. I shrugged off a lot of things my last semester in the dorm thanks to a damaged ego caused by 2 girls that really hurt. These times were not healthy on me at all. I began to look at myself differently.

I hope I don't give you readers that idea that I have an ego. The funny thing is that I don't. I see nothing interesting about me at all. All I see is a guy that can't keep his head on straight since he looks at too many things in the world. Case in point: I have too many interests from comics, movies, video games, music, etc. I can't pick one. Want me to go on? I've read a lot of books and I do love one Shakespeares story (The Taming Of the Shrew-my teacher loved my rendition of the story).

It's different once you are out of the college atmosphere, namely the dorm. While sex was all over the place, it's more quiet here in my town. I didn't bother to keep up with other people's lives as I spent 9 months of the year living south. Sure, I'd come up for a while but I was also doing homework.

When I am in the gym, I am pretty much all business. Not many people come up to talk to me since I don't crack a smile like I used to. Sure, my body gets me attention but I want someone that wants to see me as me. There are exceptions since Joe cracks me up like no other. Harry has me smiling at how stupid it is to imitate "gangsters."

Since I've been home, I *think* I have become shy in some ways. When I think about how I could handle a relationship, I cringe. Can I still kiss and be able to make love like I did in the past? Will I ever let my barriers down so someone could be in my world? I don't know. It's just this nagging fear that I will end up alone since I don't feel the need to get drunk in bars and go crazy anymore. I have seriously grown up! It happens.

I know I still have this urge to let out things here and there. It's just that I like the relaxation and no drama. My brother is having girlfriend problems, something I get ticked about. From all m relationships except with Kristan, there was always something that had to come up to fight about. It's like nothing can be perfect. Nothing.

There is also the dilemma that I like to be alone at times. There is no need for me to be around 20 to 30 people. Yeah, I was popular in high school but I never cared. I'd rather hang with the band people since they knew how to have fun. Sports had their place but I like creativity more so. Is it any wonder why I appreciate art as well?

So, no matter how lonely or dissaccoiated I feel, I will not stoop to dumb people's levels. No. I will be me, the goof-ball yet odd loving fun person I am. It just takes a bit to let out since I always question why someone is even talking to me in the first place. Not that I think I am all that. I just don't want to be used again. Ever. It's a pretty low feeling to me at least.

- - 2009-07-07

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