Oh, I just got finished with a long hot bath. It's strange now that my neck is sunburned along with the tops of my hands. What's even weirder is looking at myself in the mirror to find that these body parts now match mah weiner. It's just.....weird. I can't wait to get rid of these burns. There is also gonna be some shedding thanks to my skin falling off like the time I got burned all over at work. Yeah, I was like Goldmember in Austin Powers but I don't eat what I shed.

My mom left me a coupon for $1 of free gas. Of course, I went out and used it! Dear ol' Mom gives me something for being such a wonderful son makes me proud to use what she gives me. Well, the coupon was expired but the lady that worked there let me use it anyway. Personality pays off, folks! It's that twinkle in my eye.

*Ugh. My nose is peeling now as I type this*

Got the new Us Weekly to read about the shocking sudden splits in Hollywood. Who cares!?! I was more interested in Britney's new hairstyle and I have to admit that I like it! Brunettes are so much better looking to me as well as redheads. It's only on occasion that blondes get to me like that girl from the WB show, Blacksash. She's a keeper.

It's cool out today since it was murky early this morning. I have yet to capture my lust for life since I am still recovering from my rotten singing and feeling of beer in my tummy. Oh, don't get me started on all that food I ate. Being a bit over tipsy makes me so hungry that I don't stop to realize what the fuck I am doing. 3 cheeseburgers, fried mushrooms, and a heap of potatoes off the grill will take away my girlish figure.

Oh, I don't know if I am up for stories but I'll try.

I found out that one of my friends fell asleep while receiving a blowjob. This made me laugh pretty hard. It also brings up the fact that I want to do an entry on blowjob ettiquete. It's all the stuff I have heard and learned while receiving them in my life. Girls are included in this since I've heard their sides on the issue.

Bald-O and the guys would love to get Mark to pass out during the bachelor party. The thing is we want to get someone to put his nutsack on top of Mark's head and take a picture of this. I know Mark would freak out and burn all pics if he saw this. It's just a neat idea to play on him since I have been the butt of jokes for some time.

Yes, I've had my share of being fucked with. The whole floor got together to make me think that my roommate, Dave, was gay. After a few days of meeting him, everyone wanted to nail me bad for all the shit I did in the past. Dave would wave at me with a feminine wave, smile at me in a weird way, cross his legs at each sitting, try to get a little close, and so on. They had me big time! Once, when Bald-O and I were in the living room, Dave came in and waved at me. Once Dave was in his room, Bald-O would whisper to me, "I think Dave is gay." This was good acting, folks!

Everytime I went down the hall, the girls would talk about Dave's "little habits." Corrie, the girl that tried to get me to measure my dick, would ask me, "You didn't know Dave was gay!?!" This was too much and I began to think it. Dave got kind of ticked at how far the joke was going. It even took a while for me to think Dave was straight when he was trying to explain the joke. I admit those fuckers had me.

- - 2009-07-07

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Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

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