Quitting is the fun part. That means I take Bonnie out of her kennel and place her outside. It's fun to watch her run around and bark. Next, she chases bumblebees. Bonnie has come pretty close to catching these little fuckers so I watch her closely. Next, once she makes her "lake," I let her run loose dowstairs here with me. That means watching as she grabs toys out of the toybox filled with squeakies.

There's something about playing with your dog that puts it all back in perspective. Here I am worrying about not being able to memorize formulas and Bonnie is busy licking my toes. Does it get any better? This all helps me memorize more in that I don't force myself quite as much.

It's strange about how a long hot bath also gets rid of the bad moods. Just lay there and stare at the ceiling to contempalate my thoughts is what I do. That and hope what the mirror shows is what you like.

Ugh! The mirror made me kind of mad. I didn't like what I saw. All I could see before me was any small area that contained the smallest portion of fat. I guess that I will always have body issues with myself. There's no doubt that I am my own worst critic that never dies.

I have a love/hate fascination with finals week. The love has to do with the quiet. The hate has to do with putting all that shit you went through earlier back in the head.

Right now, I wish I could do the school year over. It's now that I see what my bad points were in doing these formulas. All these examples finally paid off a bit too late. Damn "C!" I am not a "C" student but apparently business teachers do not understand that doing examples is the right way. Just telling is not gonna cut it. My mom and I both learn by examples instead of just words.

What I really hate is how colleges advertise how great they are. I never really see much of this. My college gave half of itself to construction. This resulted in no sidewalks and many art students being told to take classes at the former Wal-Mart. Oh, did I tell you that these students had to be bussed? Ugh.

I've had so many moronic business teachers. My statistics one patted my fine little hairless ass as I got up from being tutored. One wouldn't stick with the latest chapter in that she went ALL OVER the fucking place! Another made fun of the foreign students while teaching. The list goes on but the teachers continue to be there. Why? I haven't a clue or maybe students don't stand up for themselves.

One of my teachers takes the cake in how awful he was in losing my papers. Yes, last semester's teacher somehow couldn't keep up with what he gave out. There were days he decided not to teach because he "didn't feel like it." I drove 50 miles to deal with this!?! This guy spent 30 minutes of class talking about nonsense and THEN decided to give us a little shit about nothing on the board. None of the notes were on the test. Why did I have to be there?

It's funny how my high school teachers were on time in grading papers but the college ones only handed them back when they felt ready. It doesn't take much to send the goddamn things through the reader now does it? One failed me because he found something wrong with EVERYTHING I put on the test. This asshole was behind me in line at a bookstore and had the nerve to say, "Hmmm..I know you."

Oh, I wanted to strangle him and yell, "You're goddamn right you little fuck! I'd like to rip off your fucking head and shit down your neck all while chopping up your toes to itty-bitty pieces!" Oh, I don't have anger issues so I just gave him a dirty look: Don't fuck with me.

Times like these make me happy that I will be graduating. There is no way I can't. If I get a really awful grade on my final......say like a 10%, then just maybe. Let's not jinx me, okay?

- - 2009-07-07

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