I visit what else, the toy area!?! Sometimes, I just look at what new toys kids are into, play with a bouncy ball, laugh at the pecs on He-Man, and look at all the video games marketed towards tiny kids that now have digital breasts on them to bring in the teenagers. *Whoo! Big sentence. Brain must......rest* It's just fun to see how much I have not grown up.

There is much love in my heart for the frozen foods section. Why? It's got my *sigh* favorite juice to drink! OJ! No, not the killer but the actual drink of oranges crushed and floating with sugar. My mind goes off into a drunken haze of OJ's taste dripping down my throat as I wake up in the morning. Don't go getting any wise ideas.

The one thing my mom annoys me with is that she always has to get too much toilet paper. It makes me feel like people see us heading down the aisles with this enormous amount of Charmin and they are whispering........

"I bet they shit a lot."

"Gawd! It must smell like a sewage plant in that house!"

Well, I will have you know that this house does not go through that many rolls of T.P. a day. My mom just thinks that buying in bulk is great. We shit just fine here. No worries and dingle-berry free!

One section that I try to avert my eyes from is you guessed it! The tampon section. To me, it's like the most unavoidable area since it is located in the grocery section when we get soup. I kid you not. It's like the stock boy wandered if you just open a Tampax and dip it in soup to sop up what's left in the bowl. Gotta admit that the boy is thinking outside of the box.

Try as I might, I am swarmed with the words "Tampax," Pearl Glide," and "Stay Free." Sometimes I wonder how women know which brand is the chosen one. Which one will make her feel all snuggly and fresh in the morning? Why do I even dwell on this?

Sometimes, I think the tampons even try to speak to me:

"Hedgehoggy, put me in your nostrils! It will be fun!"

Alas, I am too strong for them! I'll fight them off with breadsticks and throw croutons at them to keep the tampons at bay. Damn them for making me think of this moronic entry! Damn them!

Oh, this one grocery store never has the good taste tests. Today, they had slices of ham and I hate ham! Fuck! Why couldn't they ask if I wanted to try some lobster or crab? Hell, corn on the cob would do it as well. There's always a grocery store that tries to persuade with the junky stuff. Sam's Wharehouse has the good stuff with pizza pieces and noodles dripping in cheese. Even I cannot resist these temptations after a long day of fighting off tampons for the good of America!

Wanna know a weird thing? Bonnie, the youngest female Yorkie we have, has decided to start shitting on the welcome mat we have out back. All the time. That's where she shits from now on. Big brown marbles for me to toss into the neighbor's yard and confuse the hell out of their dogs. Is Bonnie trying to tell us something?

So, tomorrow? I'm gonna use my coupon to get $1 worth of free gas. It makes me look cheap but I don't care. It's free and I believe in freedom. By golly, I can take a bath and swim in the ocean thanks to me feeling so fresh. 4 wall protection and some deoderant in my hairless pits! Am I suddenly in need of a makeover?

- - 2009-07-07

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