I really liked Lapdancer, that book I bought at Borders. Many of the pictures are unforgiving and tell tales unspoken. Not all strippers are extremely gorgeous, the way they are portrayed in movies. Many are just trying to get by and pay their bills thanks to not being able to find a nice job. Bush will slowly kill us all with his moronic economic overhaul, I swear!

"I heard about last night, Mike."

Bald-O's dad finding out what went on at the strip joints the day after.

"We played Pictionary all night!"

My excuse to Bald-O's mom after she asked what we did after the baseball game. She didn't know since her husband didn't tell her. *She knows now*

My first time in a strip joint was on Mark's bachelor party as I said before. I have to admit that I was nervous about going since all of this was so new to me. "How do I act?" "What do I say?" were just a few questions in my mind. Another worry was me getting a 24 hour hard on as a result of all the amazing bodies.

It's funny. I shouldn't have worried as much about getting a swollen dick. It was whiplash that I should have thought about. Once I paid my $10 to get in the first club, topless women walked all around me.

If you know me, breasts just don't get to me that much. What drove me crazy was seeing all these girls in black thongs walking to my left and right. These were just the waitresses taking orders. Hell, the beergirl was amazing to see as well, quite friendly for.......$5 a beer. I'm not that gullible, sorry.

Once the boys and I set foot in the strip joint, we all lost each other. Bald-O went one way while Kyle, Tuck, and I went another. It was kind of dark with all these lights going here and there. One must be careful in walking because there are stairs, low stairs.

In this particular place, there were about 5 stages or possibly 7. I'm not completely sure. Once girl would dance, if you could call it that. It looked more like a slow jig while picking up dollars in her panties in between. It was funny to see all these guys behave the way they did. Okay, I joined this moronic behavior in my own way.

Since I have absolutely no idea as to what to do, I sat down with Kyle and Tuck as they oggled the stripper before them. What shocked me was how they were all topless rather quickly. The bottoms came off soon after. To be honest, I was quite shy as to how to "hand" out a dollar. It seems most guys use their mouths to drop 'em. A little advice: get $1 bills, a lot of 'em if you are into this sorta thing.

Here in Illinois, strippers can only be topless. So, to my surprise, these girls were bottomless as well. You wouldn't believe it when this black stripper spread her legs right in front of me! I was in complete shock to see this. Oh, I did not get a hard on since I am just not attracted to black women.

Everyone on Diaryland knows I love to go down on girls. I must admit that I was in a bit of heaven to see bottomless stripping. It was hard to concentrate on what was before me since there were so many others around me. Hell, 2 strippers brought out a hockey goal. Wow! Sports and stripping all in one!

Bald-O came by later on to see me in a state of shock. Since he had done all this before, I had to watch him take out a dollar, put it in his mouth, and then place it between a stripper's breasts. Hence, that was what I did at first. Well, soon after this stripper thought it was cool to rub her high heel on my dick. Not cool. It did nothing for me but I put the dollar down her panties anyway while she held them down. Such a good boy, huh?

What happened next was what got me well known. I went to the table next to the one I just stated. There was this amazing looking stripper there. My boys were all around the table as well. *At this time, Bald-O is going crazy with this black stripper and lost in his own world-I'm on my own*

To make a long story short, the stripper on the back table is giving me all sorts of attention. While other guys are waving lots of $1 bills, I am just sitting there watching these guys make fools of themselves. I've learned from my previous encounter that this is all fun but I'm not someone that is heavily into treating women like royalty so that they can "earn" my dollars.

This stripper came up to me and starts tussling my hair. Then she takes my face and places it between her breasts (funny) while jiggling them. Then, she come really close to me and takes down her panties to spread her legs. The boys see all this and start to plan something. They get the stripper's attention and start talking to her.

The next thing you know, the stripper (wish I knew her name) stands me up and tells me to lean back. Of course, I do as she says since I am such a good boy. I'm laying on the stripper's table while she pulls off my shirt (a very large XX-Large since I am too modest). While I am laying there, she pulls down her panties and starts to go down my tummy like in a "69." I'm in absolute heaven here, folks! Oh, this stripper rubs her piercing on my nose and lips as she start to grind her way down. Hell, she then rubs her hand down my shorts that are already very low. Yes, those delicate hands rubbed the tip of my penis and I smiled like never before!

You don't know how hard it was for me to keep my tongue in my mouth while this beautiful twat was right above me. Oh, I tried to inhale its wonderous scent but to no avail (I'll get to that). This all went on for a short while as my boys put $1 bills on my stomach. I felt like a piece of meat here! Oh, I kid.

Once all this was done, I got to sit up while people in the audience clapped or stared in disbelief. What do I care? I had a wonderful view and a definite sensory overload!

What the guys picked on me about was how the stripper came up to sit with me once her dance was done. Once I put my shirt back on, she came up to tell me I had a nice body. Then, she gave me a real hug and kissed my cheek. Cute. Oh, the stripper sat with me for a short while since she had some time and felt my chest muscles. I'm good with reading people and she was definitely doing this out of being friendly. Funny thing is that I miss this stripper since she definitely won my respect for how she handled me.

Okay, the reason I could not get the stripper's scent was because all of these girls seem to use a lotion. It's funny how they all smell the same (body-wise not twat-wise, okay?). The skin on all these girls was incredibly soft since many of them took my hands and basically forced me to feel them. It was the first time I had ever felt fake breasts. To me, they felt like hard rubber. Odd.

- - 2009-07-07

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