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| When I get like this, my whole body tends to tighten. I get a bit depressed and down so suddenly that I feel like a huge weight is holding me or keeping me from doing anything. It's a sick feeling to feel like this. What am I talking about? I want to be in love again. I don't care what anyone says. Money doesn't buy happiness and I am obviously not happy tonight. Look around! I have so many toys to play with. DVDs in piles and CDs overcrowd a shelf. My video game systems don't get played much since I tend to get depressed and that ruins my concentration. All I can do is watch the puddles gather rain........ I've had so many bad experiences that it scares me to even want to be in love again. Life was simpler with Kristan, someone to really know me and stay with me. Most other girls were complete wastes. Kristan had brains and beauty beyond what I've been with. Sex wasn't used as a weapon with her. It was an expression of how she felt about me. Another thing that disturbs me is that I feel like I am weak. No one should depend on another for happiness. It's a disgusting act. I see too many girls that stick by their guys even though they get abused, etc. All I do is let them deal with this alone since I don't deal with weak people. I've gotten involved one too many times that brought me in so now I stay away. Why do we want to be in love? Do we really need someone? Do we have to fuck? Make love? Cuddle? Is it better to get through life without someone? You know what I want? I don't want to meet some girl in a bar and go home with her. The ultimate thing is to meet in a bookstore, that's one sign of someone smart. The next thing you know, the two of us are talking in the cafe area. At one point, we both realize that 5 hours have passed and we can't stop talking to each other. Now, that is sexy! The dilemma this situation brings up is about meeting strangers. Dating someone you just suddenly met in a store is a bit scary. You never know if she will end up stealing your license plates like my brother's insane ex did to him. Yikes! I'm not going to dwell on this anymore for now. I'd just like to rest a bit and stay positive. No more low self-esteem thoughts for now. If anyone can, please come over and put me in a coffin to end me. I don't like me much. Today? Hot day but I go through it. Sweated so much in the car while doing errands that I was actually worried about dehydration. My body needs more water thanks to losing it so fast. I also don't like sweating in my car. I'm just not in much of a good mood today, folks. The only good news is I will be seeing the boys sooner than I thought. Yes, Bald-O, Mark, and I will be back together for another round of drinking and bullshittin. It's the only way to revive my senses in stopping my self-hatred. It's really not easy hating oneself. They say that the only way to love someone is to first love yourself. Here I go again in this....... Maybe, I just need to take a hiatus from Diaryland for a bit. I'll have to think about this. It's not like I'll be missed. So, I am going to head upstairs to read another chapter of Harry Potter. I'm proud of myself for taking the book slow instead of reading it straight through. If you must know, I'm on page 201. Goodnight. 0 Got Balls? |
- - 2009-07-07 Love Facebook - 2009-05-07 Retards Away! - 2009-02-16 Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28 My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07 |