It's my upper back area that has been giving me trouble all day. I'm not sure it it was yesterday's workout or I just slept on it wrong. Just hurts when I turn my neck a certain way.

Apparently, no one informed me that it is Hump Day. Clyde, my horny Yorkie, has been going through a major humpfest today. He craves my arm. When I play with him, but in a nice way, Clyde grabs on and starts getting his groove on! He even had the nerve to fuck my mother's leg as she was fixing jambalaya in the kitchen.

What was funny today was putting Clyde in the kitchen with Bonnie (only when we can keep an eye on them) while she was chewing a chew toy. Well, he came up and sniffed her ass. The next thing we know, Clyde is getting his ass chewed out by a major PMSing Bonnie. Yes, she was that pissed. What did we all learn today, kids? Always ask the lady BEFORE you smell her ass. That's something to grow on.

It's amusing to hear the sounds of Clyde. Yes, that little horny bastard sings by howling at odd times in the day. Bonnie does listen as she puts up one ear. The quickest way to a woman's heart has got to be in song.

The downstaris is close to being clean! All that's left is this tiny area behind me. That does mean that Mom will be working nearby me as I type things so don't be looking for anything "interesting" from me. I'll try but I can't promise anything.

*Oh, I'm in my Tony the Tiger PJs for all you pervs out there. Go ahead and picture me naked*

During Mom's cleaning, she took out her Piggy Wand. What is it? Well, it's a stick with a pig on the end. You tap it on the food you are about to eat and then say some magic words. The calories are supposed to disappear. Does it work? Well, let me use the words of my dear mother: "I've got a fat ass."

What's up with the no advice, folks!?! I asked for some help in dealing with this girl I've got to meet next week. Where's the love on Diaryland, huh?

Well, my boys at the gym had some pretty "interesting" advice for me

"Mike, I've seen pretty girls with some really ugly guys. I think you have a chance so just go for it."

Always have to love male friends and how they treat a simple question. But really, It's funny how a guy that can bench press 300lbs. can be lightly shy when it comes to a really cute girl. All I know about her is that she recently graduated from a college up north and her aunt wants to set us up. Yes, it's that cute blonde that made sure I knew her name was on the back of the card.

I do have an in. Her aunt wants me to bring my scrapbook by next week. She told me that her neice will be in the shop. *teeth chatter*

Oh, you should have heard the girls in the gym give me advice. "Go for it" was the most common. We'll see how I handle all this.

Isn't it funny how dating in college was so much easier? Blowjobs were pretty much handshakes where I lived. You never knew who's cock was in who's mouth at times. You'd get fucked up rocking out to some Journey......oops! Wrong band. Guess I'm the only one that does that. Ahem.......rocking out to AC/DC and then have a few beers. The next thing you know, you're not in your bed. Good times and good cheer! If you are a high school student reading this, you are in for some major shit!

I showed the close to finished scrapbook to my mom. The funny thing is that I had to explain what the picture is of me with a beer bong. "You see, Mom. It's a tube you put down your throat to make the alcohol rush to your head a bit faster. It's a great way to get fucked up!" Hence what my mother missed out in college.

It's funny how I have a picture of my parents partying in college. They are giving the finger in it along with my high school football coach. This is a good thing to have if you are ever about to be grounded. The real gem is to have a picture of your father with a "Party Naked" t-shirt and a lampshade on his head. This one will get you out of jail guaranteed.

"I've never developed a taste for beer." That line is such bullshit! Everyone that drinks has an interesting reason to do it. Just ask yourself if you ended up:

A. Naked

B. Fucked

C. Singing with another heterosexual male Lionel Richie songs to each other.

D. All of the above.

If you answered "D," you my friend, partied! You know what I'm talkin about. Now, go get me another beer!

Well, tomorrow is another day of weird shit. I've gotta go to A & F to get the new catalog (naked people make me wanna buy clothes), walk around Target (cheap tacky furniture is cool), and finish up the scrapbook. It's just one more full day til I'm down south for the weekend. Gonna do "D" if Bald-O gets that damn karaoke machine.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07