That's the title of a spam email sent to my Hotmail account. Of course, that title alone made me laugh a bit. Come to think of it, I've always wanted to drop my drawers, hold my big ol' penis, and then wave at people in cars going by. I'd make this THE block to drive by. Then again, I could just do The Hokey Pokey all by myself to show how insane I am slowly going.

"Man stands in front yard exposing himself while waving. Footage at 11pm!"

It's funny when you look at it. Women are caught flashing their breasts or showing those yummy twats but that's what people want to see. If a guy yanks out his weiner, it's an immediate fine and a trip to the looney bin for him. Are penises that wrong? This sounds like an upcoming entry from yours truly! How low can I go with this topic?

Did you know that there are beekeeping clubs? Well, I didn't til today. A beekeeping festival is going to go on with information for those wanting to raise bees. Pretty interesting, too!

Down one of the nicest roads in my town is a bee colony. You can see the hives in the boxes as you drive. I swear people will find interesting things in their towns if they just fucking open up their eyes. Of course, you won't find me anywhere near a beekeeping area. It's not that I am afraid of them, it's just that my sensitive skin gets ticklish when a bee lands on me.

*Did you know baby bees cannot sting for a short while? Now you do! They showed a pic of a bunch of baby bees on a college student's hand. This girl has guts, folks.*

Of course, the day here is not without it's oddities. I went to speak with my mom in my parents' room. Looking to my left, I see my dad with the plunger working on their toilet.

"Your father did a big turd that will not go down."

Ahhhhh....yes, my parents and their lovely discussion on bowel movements in this house. I even had the nerve to walk out of the room while saying, "Maybe, he should just get a knife and fork." Mom laughed.

Speaking of odd things in this house, Clyde, my big-balled Yorkie, is still on an amazing humpfest. He'll grab my leg and just go with it all while his tongue hangs out. It's strange when you can turn on a young dog. Must be the new deoderant.

*Not to self: Get some new Sure.*

My mom has the biggest issues with Clyde. He wants to hump her more than me. When my mom was sitting in the kitchen reading, Clyde came up to sit next to her and then grab her arm to hump. Nearly wore himself out while trying. What was funny was how the little shit even decided to try and whisper sweet nothings into my mom's ear. Don't worry. Nothing much fazes her since she can handle "turds," "balls," and any other thing that would normally make a nun faint. I'm serious when discussions at the dinner table get to be about "balls."

Once again, Assgirl came into the gym. Once again, Hedgehoggy had to reel his tongue back in his drooped mouth. Once again, he gets picked on when Assgirl is seen by his friends.

It was funny how Jeff imediately came up to me to say, "Did you see who just walked in?" OF COURSE I DID! Do you not see the drool puddle formed in front of me!?! Since Will was in the gym as well, he had his go at me. I swear that I cannot say enough about this girl. That ass has to be amazingly fit from some kind of sport since her legs are very good as well. I'm guessing soccer.

Dilemmas always come up. Just when you thought it was safe to go to the mailbox......

I've got another wedding invitation! Of course, I was pretty much expecting this one. Erica, my friend from college, is getting married in the middle of August. Unfortunately, I don't *think* I can go. Bald-O is most likely not going as well since he will be in Washington D.C. Berta is who knows where. It just cannot be little ol' me that goes! How can I go to a wedding where I only know the bride? Issues, issues, issues.

Lovin the Playboy throw on my bed. It's so soft. The only problem is that it's a bit on the small side so I wish it were a bit bigger.

Well, with my birthday dilemmas coming up as well, I've got no clue as to what to do. I'm so wanting the new Girls Gone Wild DVDs. I've been good enough so please get them, someone! Please. A boy needs to see some ass! There only so many girls that can actually pull off wearing thongs and it looks like they are in the DVDs according to the ads during Howard Stern's show.

Of course, I've got a lot of other things I want. *I'm feeling so greedy* The Simpsons figurine sets to put all over my room, especially the TV. It's always good to get in touch with your childhood again.

*D'Oh! Why'd I say that!?!*

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07