Getting gas was a bitch today. The reason is that trying to drive north is a hassle at times. For some reason, 3 or 4 sets of geese decided to visit the pond across the street and blocked up traffic. As pretty as they all are, geese sure are assholes about getting their way. For instance, they will come up to the side of your car and honk loudly in geesespeak, "C'mon, you cocksucker! I can crap bigger than you!" Then again, it can vary between what type of goose is looking at you.

Gas has gone up to $1.55 here in Illinois. Last week, we were at $1.36 but the greed is needed to fill the CEOs of oil. Did you know Bush is in this as well? That would explain why he doesn't look into protecting the environment or look into a new kind of way to fuel cars. Windmill power? Forget about it. Hell, Cheney's construction company is going to profit big time out of the war with Iraq!

Alas, I am in no mood to argue right now. It's the beginning of me helping my mom move her stuff into the 3rd grade classroom that she teaches in. It felt nice walking down the halls and seeing all the slogans used on 1st through 6th grades at the school. When I visited my mom's 3rd grade class, they loved me. I was nicknamed "Trouble" because I was a bit like Billy Madison in getting the kids all wound up.

*I would like to state for the record that I have never eaten glue nor will I ever.*

One thing that was coming to mind was the memories of my first time in college. I started out at the local college here in my town. Then, I went south to live on a campus 1 hour away. It was a good thing for me in doing what I did because I don't know if you know this but I do tend to party at times. It's an awful disease when you are trying to pass your classes.

I found out the almost all my high school graduating class flunked out of colleges. Sad. I've never had to deal with bad grades, just "C's." There is no doubt that I am better than that but professors can be evil if you disagree with their poison. Not kidding around here.

I still remember the first time I set foot on campus. It was scary to know that mommy and daddy were an hour away. Alas, I had a blast during the first 2 weeks. There's all kinds of sales at pizza places, parties, people to meet, and embarassing moments to learn from. Your parents weren't as well behaved as they would like you to think so enjoy those times. Remember that I have pictures of my mom drinking underage at a party with my high school football coach. Was Dad that obnoxious? Sure!

I'm still looking at my 30 things every freshman should know in living in the dorm. What's great is that it brings back funny thoughts. Isn't it great that I'm giving you good advice that took me years to accumulate? Your also in luck since most of my friends were girls. They had a lot to say to me about: dating, penises, ass, blowjobs, beer bongs, oral sex, anal sex, porn, pregnancy tests, guys with only one ball, sex positions to do in a dorm bed, embarassing wet spots, singing bad 80s songs, embarassing boners, going to class in pajamas, panty lines, and begging for sex. It's all of crap that I discussed with Calista, Bridget, B, G, Jen, B's roommate (forgot the name), and so many girls that I've forgotten their names as well. It was great living in a coed dorm that wasn't exactly a dorm. The place was designed as suites so we had our own living room and bathroom.

Do I miss college? In some ways. Sex was much easier since we were all looking for a good time. That's not to say that you will get laid 24 hours a day. It's just that when you put horny people together there will be booty calls at odd hours. (Is 3am a bad time?) I never saw much actual dating.

The thing that I do not miss is doing homework. It's hell! The first 2 weeks are fun but once homework begins, it can be overwhelming at times. Most of my weekends were spent at home since I needed the quiet to prepare for a weekly test. The boys and I went out on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Yes, I woke up at 7:15am for my 8am class no matter how much I drank at the bar across the street or who I woke up with.

*A piece of advice: Girls like morning wood. What you should do is wake her up by saying in He-Man voice, "I HAVE THE POWER!" and make sure she sees it. Laughter equals more sex."

I'll get into life in dorms more later. There will even be a discussion on some of my embarassing moments. Oh, there is nothing wrong with air guitar to AC/DC's "Highway To Hell" or singing Lionel Richie's "Say You Say Me." They each have their places in my favorite reasons to sing like an idiot.

- - 2009-07-07

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