As I was driving home, I passed a place I would love to work at. It's basically a drug and alcohol prevention place with a mental hospital thrown in. Every now and then, I see parents bring their teenagers in due to whatever the hell they got themselves mixed up in. The looks on the kids' faces give away quite a bit of turmoil.

So, why would I want to work at a drug/alcohol prevention place? Well, I've always been fascinated with mental wards but the biggest reason is that I can relate to people losing themselves to a "false hope." As we have seen here on Diaryland, I go through a major downward spiral every now and then thanks to depression. It's not something you can say to that person suffering, "snap out of it." It doesn't work that way. Depression is a nasty bugger that fucks with the mind.

One of the weirdest things with me is that I'm not against people doing drugs at all. I'm in fact for it. People have all kinds of needs thanks to science fucking us up. Chemical imbalances are hell on us so why not "try" to fix what's wrong?

The problem is those that indulge way too much, that lose themselves to pills and drink. I know these people since I've had 2 friends suffer greatly. My best friend was lost to alcohol and I miss him so much.

*I swear that the movie "Less Than Zero" was a good account of what I went through thanks to me being Clay, the good one.*

How can I not miss my best friend when he introduced me to Pink Floyd's amazing sound? Yeah, Newman is gone but somehow I live on.

I drink but I have self control. It's different for alcoholics and such in that their only sense of fun involves the booze. I've no problem with having fun in which their is no beer involved. For me, alcohol does relax every now and then but I'm not one to excess......much. You can see this in how light of a drinker I am, only 4 to 5 beers and I'm pretty fucked up. Seriously. My face turns completely white after 2 beer bongs so fast.

I don't know how to say it all. I just want to help those that have taken a fall in their lives. I'm quite warm and can disarm many of the strongest people with a great sense of self and talking. No subject is taboo with me. We've seen it here on Diaryland in which I will mention anything. All sorts of people talk to me: nerds, jocks, geeks, dweebs, goths, punks, gays, and so on. I'm not much in the judgemental department because I like learning new things about people.

Am I talking about counseling? I'm not sure. Who knows if it could be for me. Just give me an office and the time to talk to the shyest person and maybe I will send him/her off with the ability to believe in him or herself. Wish it worked for me since I don't like myself very much.

I don't know why I am telling you about my dream job. It sounds pretty boring, huh? Well, I've never been one for money since I'm pretty spoiled as it is. To me, poor but happy is better than rich and miserable. Trust me. All I need is enough money to live my life.

There is this incredible urge to move out of this house. I've been wanting to do something on my own, have my own place. Thoughts consist of what I want in the living room, bedroom, and so on. The most certain thing, besides an amazing DVD system is the living room table will have so many things to look at. There will be comic books and magazines for all to enjoy. The only thing I can guarantee you is that Cosmo Girl will not be there.

So, the only other thing in my mind is my birthday coming very soon. Gawd, September is not far off, folks. I doubt I will get any emails. Hell, I won't hear much from my own parents thanks to them not making a big deal out of it. My own dad never wishes me a happy birthday. That's just the way it is here. People are just too busy at the time of year it rolls around. Sad but true. Right now, I am in dire need of a cookie to wallow with.

- - 2009-07-07

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