I can tell you that I will always have a special place in my heart for vaginas. They contain a totally new place to explore in that it's wonders are wet, wild, and a bit wooly. Then again, it depends on her waxjob for the last part. That's not the point of this.

You see, I've noticed something dreadfully weird about me. Remember I mentioned about reading a diary where I learned that when she poops, her tampon flies out? Oh, how I laughed! Hearing about such a thing made tears come down my face and knowing that there are some definite advantages to being a guy, a bit too many. This entry isn't about that, though.

What I am fearing is that I know too much about the opposite sex. A real good example is the fact that I can now debate tampons with a circle of girls. Oh, how I dread such a thing but I'm no longer as queasy as I used to be when I ran from Erica, whom would chase me out of her room with a box of Stayfrees. Nope, not today! I'll stay in that conversation of no longer whispers to tell all those filled with estrogen the benefits of the Pearl Glide over O.B. The looks on girls' faces as I tell them I have learned that O.B.'s are such a bitch to keep in and deal with while Pearl Glides stay in place no matter how long your sitting there in "quality time."

If you are female, you are probably either laughing at me or disgusted. I don't care. Reading so many diaries has turned me into a male that is......uh... "more informed?" Is that the word? It's just weird to read so many female diaries since guys don't seem to want to share what they think. I've never cared about labeling so I'm one of the few guys here! I also guess that I am one of the only guys that can handle any topic since I like to have a variety of information, just not too much.

Today, I went through a very ugly sight. My mom wanted my dad's shorts in the wash so he just decided to disrobe right there on the stairs. This was not funny in seeing my dad in tighty wightys going back upstairs. I had to cover my dog's eyes as well as mine since Ellie was caught in the crossfire. It's not good to subject the family to such things, Dad.

We learned a new thing today about my dear mother. It seems she does not shave her legs anymore and as a result, there is a fine line of "bristles" as I call 'em. Now, I know girls don't shave their legs everyday. That's why there are pants and that's also why cold weather means less mowing. What I've noticed is that as women get older, they seem to stop shaving their legs at a certain time.

I've got to admit that furry legs sucks and I have to be honest in saying that legs on women feel so good when they are smooth. Where did all this start anyway? I know laws are designed to benefit men but why are we the sex to keep our hair on?

For instance, my gym contains a lot of guys that have massive back hair. As a result, it looks like some guys are gorillas while others are just halfway there thanks to wearing tiny shorts. You see, some guys trapped in the 70's think that tiny shorts are in so their leg hair really sticks out. What were their wives thinking in letting these guys out in public!?!

Hair is kind of weird in how it's here and there. My pits are so smooth along with my sweet little booty. Hey, I'm not the only one since it seems most body builders are doing this as well. It's bloody hard to get all the damn hairs on my ass, girls! Somebody shave me 3 nights a week? Anyone?

My mom has been on a farting spree lately. Now, I secretly think she is trying to embrace her inner maledom by having hairy legs and passing gas as she goes up the steps. Guess who has to walk up behind this mother so she lets 'em rip? Yup, I'm hoping she goes on a different diet because it's getting to be weird seeing her lean on the couch to see how big her farts will be. Even the dogs move to the other side of the room on Sunday mornings.

So, I guess you can say that while I am changing into a guy that knows womanhood or all about the "visits from Aunt Flo" or "monthly bills coming early" or "being on the rag," my mother is embracing a side of herself that I'm not sure to put. I know girls fart and all but my mother is getting out of control. Sometimes, it confuses me. Does she want control of the stairs more? What's a boy to do?

- - 2009-07-07

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