We got back around 2 and I was just exhausted from sitting there having moronic conversations with my mother, having "fart attacks" to annoy the other, making strange noises with my milk shake from Steak N' Shake, and having to explain why I reek of beer and cigarettes (Bald-O does the smoking and I handle the some of the drinking). It felt so incredible to get that long hot bath that eluded me for 3 days. That's right! 3 days of not touching water is a record for me considering how neat I am and yes......the water was definitely not clean looking as it went down the drain. Once again, a satisfied customer to Bald-O's wild beer drinking and weird conversations in a trailer out in the woods!

Well, it was only 1 day in a trailer but it feels like I was there for a long time. First, we had to help Rob, Bald-O's older brother, get new couches in his girlfriend's house. I'm okay with this as long as I know the person and Rob's been a friend for a long time. His treating us to a buffet in which I ate 4 plates of macaroni and cheese was worth it.

The only thing that annoyed me was Rob taking us into his girlfriend's bedroom to show us the lubes and a thing she cut out called "101 Ways To Satisfy Him." Granted it's nice to know she's trying, considering how religious she is but I really don't care to know all this since I believe that's private. What did make me laugh is that the article is from Cosmo and this girl, whom I've met a few times and like, probably felt like it was a sin to actually read that magazine.

I have no fucking clue as to why I still remember all that happened. First of all, I lost count as to how many beers I had in which Bald-O says I got "that look" in which my eyes roll back at times and I walk funny. He even had the nerve to ask me to tilt my head back and touch my nose with my fingers (I couldn't do it). Guess I just lose myself while in a conversation with 3 close friends (Mark and Crystal came by) to which I rediscover "southern hospitality."

*Why does "southern hospitality" usually mean I end up not being able to walk straight and make strange new vowel sounds with my words to which only those that live in the south know what I be talking about?*

My allergies are being a bitch and the fact that Bald-O's trailer was hella-nasty with dust in which it had not been cleaned for over 3 weeks made it real hard to breathe at times. Alcohol helps in that I pass out imediately once my head touches the pillow. Otherwise, I'll be up all night sneezing and sniffling (what we did once we woke up) to which it would look like I had an all night "yank fest" while watching some good ol' fashioned porn all by my lonesome. Nosirree, I was passed out and most likely sleeping with pink elephants, drinking margaritas, and having my toes tickled by Mr. T.

*Editor's note: Apparently, Mr. T. is moonlighting after spending much of the 80's scaring the shit out of white folks. I now pity the fool.*

A thing that I won't forget is a spider that challenged Bald-O. We were walking out to his mom's garden when I noticed a very big garden type spider (definitely a "biter") on the fence. Bald-O takes a swig of beer and spit it on top of it. The spider (I am not kidding) got on top of the fence and raised its two front legs to show a form of challenge. I know from watching too many nights of Animal Planet that this is what the spider's intentions were for. Now that arachnid had some balls to challenge a drunken white boy with a shaved head. Either that or it just didn't wanna fuck with the muscular boy to his left. Anyway, I took a few pictures of the spider and talked Bald-O into leaving it alone since I admire them.

For 95 years, we Cubs fans have been waiting for our chance to go to the World Series and this chance gets closer and closer now. The Cubs won tonight!!! I've followed this team for years since I love baseball and hope they kick the Florida Marlins' asses. It all begins in Chicago soon so you better believe I'll be watching all the games.

I could go on with more but I have to announce something. Somebody has been reading my diary for over 50 entries in a day. I'm a bit worried that someone I know has found it so I am most likely going to lock it. I love sharing my life with all of my fans and only they get to read me if they so desire. This may mean no more free rides to those that don't place me as a fave but read me every fucking day. I'm not here for popularity and would rather be a cult fave. Who the fuck wants over 100 fans!?! I love mine since I read them every chance I get. They show me respect and I do so back to them. Sammy, PenDragon, Brit, Dorian, and so on are great to know. Just be warned.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07