At first, I didn't want to do an entry on Diaryland but something got to me. One of my faves came back after a long absence that it brought back a lot of memories. You couldn't help but feel the pain she went through with her boyfriend that didn't respect her back. After blowing out her knee, she had to have surgery to which we all waited to hear what happened. Now, life is different for her in that she has a new boyfriend that adores her.

That's what bothers me. I'm still debating with myself whether to lock my diary. What I'm wondering is if it's for selfish reasons or for all the agony on my mind in how I was treated by some. My big problem is in how locking my diary will keep out some people that I'd love to find me.

It's a bit like a soap opera, huh? At least, to me it is. There are people you are just dying to know what happened to all while never having met that person in life. For me, I'm guessing people like to know what I think about topics and how I may start dating again. Jill will be back, folks. The Cubs series kept many people out of the gym thanks to get togethers here and there.

There is also the observation one made in that guys don't share their feelings but I do. I guess that's why my friends nicknamed me "Pussy." Although I hate that word, I've accepted it since I'm just this goofball male that happens to let out what's inside.

All of this makes me laugh in some ways. When people meet me, they are generally really shy. Take Jeff, for example, in that we always saw each other in the gym. It was amazing that we never talked no matter how close we were working out. The next thing you know, Jeff and I are always trying to annoy the other all to which brings out quite a few laughs. Once you know my personality, you never want to leave.

However, I do have walls. These were placed thanks to so many of my friends leaving in that I'm scared of people that I invested so much time in just get up and go. I miss Joe ever since he started stripping in a town 45 miles away. Going to the gym wasn't as much of a chore thanks to this guy whom was so easy to laugh with about Jackass and other topics. Joe wasn't very smart but he reminds me of a great guy with an incredible amount of personality, Bald-O. Boys aren't supposed to miss each other.

I hate not reading a lot of you guys. When I leave on weekends, there are times I sit wondering what's going to happen in your lives to which I want to catch up. This is not all the time since I have my own life to live but one grows addicted once a great introduction is given.

My guess is that people out there have slowly gotten to know me. I'm me and I'm glad several people have stayed with me through times in which I may or may not have offended you. It's not my purpose as well as to shock anyone. My mom just taught me to think outside the box and to continue being me. She always thought that learning from mistakes is best.

I'm really giving a lot of thought into locking my diary. Although, I have been found by some great people that have made me laugh as well as feel the pain in their lives, I have been subjected to people telling me how to live. I may be tough but even I get a little weak and that's when I'm easily annoyed.

Have I ever been offended by someone on my faves? Sure but I still read them thanks to great writing and an amazing sense of observation. I've never insisted on someone agreeing with me. Teach me something I don't know and I'll be around forever.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'll still be here in 10 years with the same people wanting to read me, married with 2 kids or divorced with a giant mortgage. Will we all still share our lives?

I don't know how to explain what I feel in doing Diaryland. In no way am I selfish but I am private about some matters. Yes, I am extremely nice but I can lash out if cornered. I may not give fuck as to what you think about my entries but I do take what you think into consideration for learning. I'm an analyzer, baby.

It's funny how people say that I update quite a bit. Well, for me, it's easy in that I make mental notes about my day and occasionally dwell on them. It's really good mind exercises. I, then, tell about how I saw things as well as what's around this particular observation. The old "who," "what," "when," "where," "why" come into play. Just pay good attention to what's around you and tell. Give an idea as to what you saw and how you felt. You'll have me as a reader, no doubt.

I'm not going to put anyone on a pedestal but I love many of my faves in how they draw me into their lives. It helps to know others feel the way I do and it's nice to know what is happening in other states and countries. What's really magical is seeing who reads you and urges you on in downward spirals. Those people are golden.

It's kind of like the ending to the movie, "Sixteen Candles." After the nightmare is over, you meet the love of your life that makes all that pain accumulated in the day disappear in one moment of happiness. Guestbook signings are the best when I'm so down!

I hope that people who read me in my moments of frustration or anger don't think I'm a disgruntled jackass. I'm just the person next to you that will give you an honest take on life and what he sees.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07