There's no turning back.

Even while we sleep,

we will find you.....

acting on your best behavior.

Turn your back on Mother Nature.

Everybody wants to rule the world!"

Sometimes, I hate Diaryland. It's got it's good points in helping you realize that there are a lot of other people out there going through bad times. Then there are the bad points in meeting people that are so cool that you wish they lived close by.

I'm not one for knowing people so similar to me that it's like we are twins within ourselves but I do occasionally like it. There are also people that occasionally piss me off that I could see as being pretty cool as well. Who says arguing is bad?

There are times I wonder if I'm actually putting down here what I'm trying to say. Am I getting through? Does anyone understand what I'm saying? Do you see what I'm trying to say as humor and then know when I'm being serious?

I'm a bastard to myself at times. I hate my entries, at least most of them. My writing is shit and I can't paint a picture of what I'm trying to portray. Out of 1,000 or so entries, I do like 15 to 20 of them. Even I, the truly bizarre in humor, wonder why I said certain things.

Of course, I'm going to go through emotions! Each day is different. One day I'll be extremely happy and the next......bah! I'm running around in the kitchen terminating flies to unleash a little bit of frustration.

Seems like people are so busy that they can't do entries. Damn! I like reading other people a lot more than writing in here. Some people share a sense of humor that is dark and I catch subtle things they slyly put out. Love that! Others make amazing observations to which I wish I could do. Oh, the writers are so fascinating with words, baby. That draws me in big time.

I wish I had discovered Diaryland at the time I started college. It would have made it a bit easier knowing my pain in school thanks to too much homework, girls, and the occasional drunken disagreement was what others were going through as well. Then, I wouldn't feel like such a dipshit in how much I was facing in fears and so on.

It would be a big thing to know that my entries make people a bit happier in that they know thanks to me, we all fuck up. Somewhere out there is a Hedgehoggy groupie that just can't seem to stand up until he/she reads how shitty or funny things are with me. The next thing you know......

"You won't believe what this dipshit in Illinois said! What is this guy on!?!"

It's funny in how I notice certain people keep checking my diary at the same exact times of the day to read me. "Why?" is what I keep asking myself. I'm not that special and days like today, I don't know why I even bother getting out of bed. Hey, I trek on as much as I can while others just whine about how horrible life is. I see the humor in dark moments as my mom has so kindly pointed out to me.

A lot of my faves haven't updated in a while. It sucks to me since I like to know what is going on in their lives as well. In no way do I just want to tell but to listen. It sucks to be stuck in a town where many friends have moved away or got married or turned religious to the point that it's like talking to a zombie.

"I'm working for JEEEEEE-ZZZZZUS."

Gawd, I'm pretty much sick of Mister Religious. Why was I friends with him in high school when I knew he was such a poser and hanger on to whatever was cool at the time!?!

Oh, where was I? Oh, yes. I wish I was still busy like all of you in college. My days were spent in class, reading, breakfast, lunch, dinner, working out, bars, meetings, and the occasional computer lab. Where did the time go? Fall was the best time in how it looked with leaves falling all day but there were also a lot of falling hearts. People seemed to break up most in October and sometimes, I was on damage control.

"Oh, Hedgehoggy, my boyfriend doesn't love me anymore!"

There were times I had to bite my tongue in telling these girls how blind they were to so many things. I could easily have told them the signs that a boyfriend was cheating, didn't respect her, and so on. It's always the same thing in which girls *think* they are in love so it blinds them.

Ever noticed how long it takes to get over someone? Took me 2 years on Jen even though I wasn't in love with her, just really related in so many ways.

Jen and I would stay up til 3am talking about so many things. We both had braces at the same time, infections thanks to being a kid (weak immune systems in the beginning), weight lifting til exhaustion, losing a best friend thanks to a misunderstanding, and I could go on. I may complain about Jen but that doesn't mean I don't miss her. I'm sentimental and a sap but strong enough to not focus my life on such an enormous fight between us. My roommates always bring up something about Jen and I in our battles.

I fucking hate ghosts! Damn them for haunting me all day today. Things came back as I went on errands, things long locked away. I ache to be back to sleeping next to someone again to watch over me. Think I'm only into sex? Fuck you! I miss that but I want someone that can match me in wits and teach me something new. Where the fuck are you?

So, you wanna know what's up with me. You are reading my diary, after all. I've now got a problem with my knee. It feels pretty weak but this is my first time with such a problem since my only injuries in the past are shoulders, back, right foot, and right bicep. Thanks to my love of running around, I cannot just sit there.

So, homecoming? Nobody knows a damn thing since "Ghetto-Booty" sent this mass email on who was going to visit. Amanda doesn't know but will give me the key to her apartment. Bald-O hasn't gotten back to me.......yet. Damn, I'm curious if this shit is gonna go down. My knee can wait if I'm in the mood to catch up with my old college gang.

You wanna know one of the strangest things? Graduate from college and then return to the bars after a period of time. Recognize anyone? Feel old all of a sudden? That's what happened when I went back in April to which I didn't recognize anyone when I used to come across all sorts of people.

"Hey! It's Hedgehoggy! Gonna drink 6 pitchers tonight? No? What's wrong, my child?"

Just where do we grow up and life begins? Give me a reason to stay with the flow of my life. I hope this entry makes sense..........

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07