Well, I just got back from a 20 minute run to get rid of the last of of the bloated feeling from the weekend's drinking and eating til we can do no more. Buffets are such a new love of mine thanks to Bald-O. One can never have too munch macaroni and cheese as well as scrambled eggs!

So, where was I? Ahhhhh......Beth. Tuck wanted Bald-O and I to come to Beth's birthday party out at this bar that doubles as an American Legion. It was pretty nice to see a less rowdy crowd of people due to the local workers being there as well. In other words, there were a lot of guys with beards sitting there talking about how work sucks or hunting. There's a lot of hunting down south from what I've heard.

Beth saw me as soon as I walked into the bar. Let's face it. I stick out like a sore thumb due to a small town's population never having seen me before. Beth greeted me pretty fast due to her already being drunk with a "Kiss Me! It's My Birthday" button that lights up. Just who stuck out in this bar more? Her or me?

First of all, I didn't know much of anyone there. I've known Tuck for a while but everyone else was completely new and nice. Some of the people were quite shy so conversation with them was very little. None of this bothered me because Beth insisted I hit the dance floor.

Gawd, I was pretty wasted but I danced up a storm as Bald-O told me. Him and Tuck just sat at the table laughing as I shook my little ass with at least 5 girls. Due to country boys not wanting to dance, I was the only one up there at times.

*FYI: Country boys only slow dance*

I felt something funny all throughout the night in that bar. Beth seemed to keep looking at me the whole time but I shook it off and just danced, sat to talk, and drank some more. Since it was free beer til 11pm due to the birthday party, I just couldn't say no now could I?

This is the first time I've ever been in a bar that served alcohol in cans rather than bottles. Hell, I didn't see one bottle there at all! I'm curious as to why.

I had to take a piss really bad at one point........every 15 minutes. Bald-O pulled me aside to tell me that Beth said this:

"Mike's really good looking! You know that other guy you brought 3 weeks ago? This guy is way better looking than him."

So, my suspicions were correct and I was pretty flattered to hear that Beth thought I was pretty hot.

*Laughs*

All of this would explain why Beth insisted on getting a picture with me on the dance floor along with the other girls. First of all, I couldn't dance worth shit due to too much beer and laughing at myself in how I love insane dance moves. Oh, I got my ass grabbed a few times......

by a high school girl! I didn't know she was a senior in this small town. Somehow I shrugged it off but when Bald-O told me that some of the girls there were still in high school, I got a little tense. That would explain more things that happened later that night.

The cops came! As soon as this happened due to bar checks, the underage girls pushed their beers to me and Bald-O. Wow, I never knew I could drink 6 beers in one sitting! All eyes from the underage people were on the cops that didn't pay much attention to us luckily enough. It was more on the guys playing pool.

The funny thing about Beth is how she flirted with me but her boyfriend was there. I learned this after seeing her drag him to the dance floor and force him to dance with her. If I were him, I keep a close eye on her but he doesn't have to worry about me. I've learned my lesson in helping a girl cheat on her boyfriend and I'm not going there again. Ever.

It seemed like a short time being in this bar. Closing time eventually came so Bald-O and I headed out with Mike (one of the few guys at our table) to get his truck from Tuck's house. Driving in the backroads filled with bumps and strange turns sucked because I threw up in my mouth. I was feeling pretty shitty most of the way all while shivering thanks to it being so cold at 2am.

Bald-O and I did not go back to the mansion but stayed at Mike's. It was an awesome trailer!!! *Never thought I'd say that* The whole place was so nice with leather couches so comfy and a nicely vaccumed floor. Unfortunately, this was short lived since I got the munchies due to being so plastered.

Pretzels. That's what I ate til 4am with Bald-O and Mike all while listening to Mike jam on his guitar to such songs as "I Love Rock N Roll." Recognized that one easily.

While the guys jammed, I had to fast forward the porn (some awful 80's one) throught the dialogue to see really ugly people fuck. Nothing spectacular but the old "in n' out" and usual anal. The basis for this porno was a shoe store that just happened to have women shopping there all while rubbing guys' cocks as they selected shoes. Weird.

Now, this is where it gets funny. Mike went to bed soon enough but Bald-O and I were still up at 3:30am. The dipshit gets the idea to call up people we know and chat. I don't know why it's cool to call people up and slur but that's us!

Amanda was first and she was enthusiastic somehow about being woken up like this. It could be that Bald-O doesn't have enough guts to call people up unless he's had a bit too much.

So, I'm pretty much wasted and wanting to sleep. Bald-O is for some reason walking around in the extra bedroom with just his underwear on. Due to my need for a laugh, I mimicced him and so on. Get this!?! Bald-O asked me to take pictures of him posed like he's in a Sears Catalog!

It's 4am and I'm taking 2 pictures of Bald-O standing there while holding the bed posts. My eyes were tearing from laughing so hard! Revenge is so sweet.

You see, I'm going to develop these pics to put on Christmas cards soon and send them to our friends with some kind of caption:

"Guess Who's Been Naughty This Year?"

If anyone can think of better ones, let me know soon. I've taken my fair share of jokes placed on me while living with my boys at school so I'm getting my revenge. Funny how Bald-O doesn't remember me taking 2 very embarassing pictures of him. Wait'll Wal-Mart develops these!

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07