"Whoa! I didn't know you had that for dinner! We're just gonna have to shove that on outta here, boy. Fire in the hole."

At this time, I'll be running down the hall holding up my britches as I try to untie the front end. This is not easy due to the fact that my pants are quite big for me. It's really a funny moment to watch due to my facial expressions of pain as I run.

Well, I was fine at work so there were no worries there. If Crotch Rot saw me laying in the aisles due to an obscene movement within my stomach, I'd get another write-up. I'm gonna save those til things ger really bad, folks.

Crotch Rot, today? We had our usual tussle but it was minor over who stored a few things. What amused me was that when something is wrong, I am assumed to be the one that did it. Crotch Rot will signal me to follow her all while I continue to bite my tongue around her.

What I try to do is avoid Crotch Rot by staying in a section I know she's not at. It's pretty hard since she tends to go here and there pretty quickly.

What I found out from one of my friends, B, that works there is that Crotch Rot does not like anyone. She likes to make things a bit more difficult for the employees. B's been working there for 3 years and feels lucky to not have to deal with Crotch Rot as much as I.

It's nice having a co-worker you can bitch to about things. B knows everything that goes on at work so I can rely on her. She'll smoke while I let out some venom. Funny how all this seems to make people laugh. Must be my weird choice of words but I have yet to use "Crotch Rot" as my codename for my supervisor. It's tempting.

So, the new weekly work schedule was posted today! Guess what!?! I'm working on the day after Thanksgiving from 3:45am til 2pm. Isn't that just nifty? Bloody hell! I'm gonna have to bring myself a major lunch to help get me through this long day. 5 hours is getting easier but this is gonna be some actual work.

Guess what I'm doing? I've got the luck of not having to deal with Crotch Rot by being outside taking care of carts! Yay! I'll probably take many breaks when I don't have to chase down shopping carts due to the "ghosting" of them.

*Ghosting of shopping carts: When they seem to move on their own due to wind.*

One of my co-workers, a good guy, has to greet people at the door. Now that is a job I would not wish on my worst enemy. It's completely false in saying:

"Hi, welcome to my workplace. I hope you have a wonderful shopping experience.'

What should actually be said:

"Hi, welcome to hell. Some of us smell bad but that's because of hot lights. I have no interest in whether you get all that you need in here but feel free to try and talk to me due to my avoiding you. I'll be the guy yodeling like he just experienced an orgasm but it's really because of the fact that I just found out that one of my co-workers took a massive dump in Aisle 3. I hear that aisle 5 is haunted by a child that got run over on the day after Thanksgiving thanks to the years of Cabbage Patch Kids in which many went psycho for them and trampled anyone in their path. Women can be so mean so we were all required to wear body armor and defend ourselves from all those with PMS with bats."

Seriously, that's what I'd say. Imagine the look on the people just walking in. Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum we go to drink behind the building to take the edge off. Suddenly, I am riding the shopping carts into the grassy hills due to my need to let off steam. It's jackass at the toystore.

Oh, I shouldn't be such a shit today. I did get paid but I'm not spending anything.....not much....okay, a little bit. I'm going to go over my frugal list as to how much I can and cannot spend. Work and many experiences in life have taught me to keep track of money so well. Sometimes, I wonder why I didn't finish getting my degree in accounting.

Editor: "Mike, it was taking your sense of character away due to all that studying. People not want nerdy Mike but fun and goofy Mike. Plus, you were really funny that time you were high on pot. Tee-Hee."

Well, I should go to sleep now due to the fact that I haven't had much. Morning wood woke me up at 2am! Damn my penis for this. A boy needs his sleep but something tells me I need sex. Loads of sex. I also need to finish this entry so I don't sound so insane today by sounding like mah cock talks to me.

- - 2009-07-07

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