In this corner, we have George "You tried to kill my pa" Bush Jr. weighing at a slim and trim 165 pounds due to running (his mouth off, perhaps) and a fitness routine that would give Dick Cheney his weekly coronary.

Oh, but in this corner, we have Saddam "My sons aren't THAT bad" Hussien looking a bit disheveled (you would be, too, after watching Trista marry Ryan if that was the only channel allowed in the "spider hole") and weighing at a weight of 205 pounds of chunkiness due to losing several hundred palaces with golden toilets. Only a pot to piss in can do some major ego damage.

Gawddamn! I would definitely pay some money to see Saddam and Ol' Georgie go at it in a ring for 10 or so rounds. I know that Bush would win but I'd still like to see Saddam get in a few licks. The combined egos of these two is just too much for an arena to handle.

Yes, I found out about Saddam's capture early this morning (5:32am to be exact) due to my somewhat shut eyes being forced open thanks to Saddam's face being plastered on Fox News and CNN. What a rush! I went into my parents' room to wake up my mom and laugh as she bolted up to turn on CNN. This was quite a history making moment here, folks, and Mom don't wanna miss nuthin!

I still can't stop laughing after seeing Saddam getting his DNA scraped off his mouth for testing. The man that caused the deaths of over 60,000 people is found in a hole barely bigger than Mark's college apartment looking a bit more than fucked up, no? Well, who can blame Saddam after seeing Trista and Ryan's wedding. I mean, that shit can really fuck us up, man. If Saddam had stuck it out til later tonight, he'd be able to watch Duece Bigalow: Male Gigalo, a movie that brought tears of laughter to my eyes.

Oh, but this will bring a whole new set of problems thanks to Saddam's capture. Just how do you try a guy that's killed over 60,000 people? He'll become legendary. Anyone remember Jeffrey Dahmer? Bundy? No one holds a candle to Saddam. What impressed me is being able to hold back the action of torturing Saddam once he's found. I would just have to smash his knees in and then use the old Iraqi technique on American POWs of taking a smashed light bulb and shoving it up his balls.

Prepare for weeks and weeks of Bush's gloating. As much as it is nice that Saddam is no longer in power, we have lost a lot of good men due to his failure to figure out a plan on what to do after the war. You see Iraqis waiting in 3 mile lines for fuel when this country has some of the largest oil reserves. Pardon me for raining on Bush's parade but don't forget about all the shit Bush caused that he doesn't seem to want to take credit for. Oh, but he helped in Saddam's capture?

I'll admit that all of this is fascinating. To see a man that held so many people in fear whittled down to living in a hole at a farmhouse with $750,000 cash and a pistol is a pretty damn good thing. What I want to know is what Saddam did in all that time during the fighting and afterwards. Just how hard is it to poop in a bucket? Did he see the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, too? How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck chucked wood? Who does he think will win Survivor? Could he now eat rocks? It's the little things that drive me to curiousity.

*Slaps head due to sheer studpidity*

What I hope for is that we can take a bit of our soldiers out of Iraq and into Afghanistan to find Bin Laden. That is one guy that made terrorism personal along with many past terrorists.

Bush, terrorism will always be around so don't go boasting about Saddam's capture as an end to such an evil act. Ever heard of pirates? They ruled the seas and chanted a name of "Hedgehoggy! Hedgehoggy!" thanks to his love of anti-authority. Hedgehoggy, he be a good pirate and rescued many damsels from their virginities and drank much rum with rogues seen as not good enough for society.

So, where were you when they captured Saddam? I was sitting on my bed at 5:32am looking at the TV in disbelief thanks to the words, "Saddam is found alive," on CNN's scroll. It made work much easier thanks to being wide awake from this announcement.

Work today? Not the greatest thanks to 2 people not showing up. We had to haul their boxes back into storage due to customers coming into the store soon. Sucked in that I'd have to go home earlier. I was just gettin warmed up after talking with a female co-worker about prom due to her being in high school. Never mind the small stain on the ass part of her pants I pointed out to her to which gave the obvious impression that I was staring at it. Hedgehoggy cares.

So, a very interesting day and many more things to learn. I'm pretty sure Saddam would cry laughing with me as we watch Duece Bigalow dance around the lamp all for $10 and chanting, "Ball hair! Ball hair!"

- - 2009-07-07

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