Do not rent a movie that has kung fu or any kind of martial arts and let Father see it. He does not quite grasp the concept in suspending this disbelief and will make fun of you for it. Dad making fun of son is not good.

So, I've needed a bit of time where I can feel completely alone. That's why I temporarily locked my diary. I was all over in emotions and just wanted it locked while I could think and not worry that things would build up to even more chaos.

"I never promised you a rose garden."

It feels funny to be one of the few guys I know that really gets a bit passionate in how he feels. When I am so happy, it completely shows. Everyone will be bought beers by moi and I'll be completely cheery sending greetings.

The other times aren't so good. I'll sit in a corner in deep thought wanting to be away where no one knows me. Only on occasion do I let what's inside me out but it has to be a person that I feel comfortable with, someone that's never looked down on anything I've done or said.

I don't know many guys that let out what's inside. It's like we are expected to be all "macho" and not let anything bother us. Well, I was never completely like this. Okay, maybe for a short period of time but I just let the true me out and I will get emotional. Just don't ask me to cry. I was taught not to and I completely lose myself out there in that situation. However, I will cry laughing because I'm a goofball and I appreciate all kinds of humor, be it dark or light. Yes, Stifler of American Pie cracks me up to which I end up in complete awe of how someone could be like that. Trust me. There are Stiflers out there.

It's been a surreal night, to be truthful. Everyone was in the gym that I talk to. That's strange because it's always been Jeff on one day and then Sara on another. Nope. Everyone from Sara, Amy, Jeff, Chris, Christopher, Misty, and so on were there. Yes, E made a fabulous appearance.

I'm having a real hard time here, folks. My feelings for E are definitely there. I could look at her all day and just lose myself. She's fun and so easy to talk to because she makes me feel that I'm wanted in that room with her. Everyone else takes second place. E's personality shows in man, it's so strange that I can make a woman that is so determined end up laughing quite hard. Yeah, I'll make a workout much more fun. Just ask me to sing "Papa Don't Preach" (E had never heard that song so I did an impression-awfully bad impression) as you do shoulder presses.

Flattery sure gets things more interesting. I was doing my push-ups (at least 100 3 days a week) and this couple in which the wife was helping train the husband come up in front of me. It was amusing to watch this woman order the guy to do push-ups a certain way.

Of course, I was curious so I asked this couple what was going on. X gets the square in that she is a personal trainer! The boldness of me was dying to know what this woman's age was. "55" was the response. Of course, we all know the actual age was most likely 59 due to common knowledge that about 90% of women generally lie on their age.

The reason the woman didn't seem to mind is that I told her she looked "35," which was the truth. She really looked good and even practiced ballroom dancing in the workout room while people laughed at the couple. I don't know about those guys but a guy that is willing to do that for his wife is considered more genuine than a piece of shit that sits there in front of the TV telling his wife what to do.

It's bitterly cold out there so I now have to add more layers of blankets. Last night, I shivered til 3am but woke up at 8am since I just couldn't sleep while being that cold. I'm fine in that I'm a polar bear but I'm not cool with having to sleep near a window where my change is close to freezing. Quarters are, like, really chilly on my fingers.

I'm gonna say that I've been a bit lost out here. I really don't know what I'm doing or what I'm thinking because I've got so many worries and thoughts in my head. This is my life and it's disappearing every second.

What I want to do is describe myself as best I can tomorrow. I'm going to try and figure out how I can put myself in actual words. Yes, "lost" will be one of them. I don't even know where to begin on how I lost being able to trust people.

So, with all that in mind, I'm off to lay in bed with layers and layers of covers. Even Clyde, my youngest male Yorkie, is looking more and more like a Muslim thanks to his needing to curl up under his towel each night. He's one cool little dude that just might have to be fingerprinted and profiled if he left the country.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07