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| It was a night in which I was not on my normal behavior and found myself sitting on the floor of my room staring up at my TV. There, I was playing my DVD of Donnie Darko's absolutely amazing ending followed through with Gary Jules's haunting song, "Mad World." There were no other lights on in the house and no one else to see me in this way. For some reason, all I could think about was that song thanks to it playing in my head all week and seeing the rerelease ad on MTV. Why does music do this? Because it is that fucking powerful. Editor: "Hedgehoggy cried tears of joy when he first saw his favorite band, Garbage, hit the stage on Halloween night. Boys don't cry so he got embarassed all while Shirley's soothing lyrics for "Only Happy When It Rains" made him do this, folks." This all happened at 2:38am, after J left to go home. She didn't want to but knew that it was a must for my bed is barely big enough for me. "I find it hard to tell you. I find it hard to take. When people run in circles, it's a very, very mad world." Okay, it soothed me once Gary Jules ended this haunting song and I could finally sleep in a bed pretty much destroyed from a hell of a lot of sex and power. For once, I wondered whether I was Donnie Darko and not the mess I occasionally see myself as. Then it happened! I went on an errand this morning and came close to crying when "Mad World" played in my head again. I swear that it's all this chaos around me in how so much has changed too fast for me: -I'm now in a relationship that is very heavy so soon. -My grandparents are not doing well at all due to Alzheimer's and surgery. -I feel so alone in how I keep my feelings in that I don't want to scare anyone. -I've come very close to breaking down in a store this week by such a change in my life. -I'm wondering if I am so happy but don't even know it due to worrying a bit too much. I really don't know how to explain myself. It's the fuck's truth here! I sleep very little and have been running on very little while I wonder how others can get by so much easier than me. My brother? Nothing seems to have fazed him at all but he hasn't seen my grandparents in over a year. What else yesterday? J took me out to meet some of her friends from the old high school in which one was celebrating her birthday. It was interesting seeing so many South Koreans in such a manic state of talking. Looks to be many really good friendships forged through years. I was okay through most of the night, what with my bottle of Corona and a stomach full of breaded mushrooms. My stomach had odd rumbles most of the night but seemed to simmer down by 1am or so. Yeah, we had sex again and again in my bed. I love to see J destroy my bed when she loses herself to orgasms. Oh, she's loud, too! What I love about J is how she feels so free around me. The comfort level is very high for her due to the way I am, I'm guessing. I've always let people I truly like feel so welcome in my life. So, I can guess you should say my bed has been very welcoming and now smells funny. The sex is good but I'm holding back due to my depression of chaos. J knows a little about my grandparents but I'm not wanting to let it all out to ruin the moment and such. It's just me watching her orgasm and kiss me deeply afterward. Of course, my mouth gets such a great workout as a result. It's funny, too, (at least to me) how a friend I work out with in the gym, told me he was gay. I had my suspicions and he's a really cool guy to know so it felt good that he was comfortable in admitting that he used to have a boyfriend in Chicago. Am I a cool friend or what? *Pats self on back* What made it ultra cool was knowing that our town had a Studio 54 not too long ago and I visited it in it's heyday. You see, there is this bar that is frequented by gay/straight people to which is now considered a pathetic sight. Not too long ago, drag queens and the like got all dressed up to patrol the nights and dance the life away. I was there 2 times and will never forget it. Nick, the gay guy I am talking about, told me last night that it's nothing worth seeing now. Is my life odd or what? I'm dating a bisexual woman, have worries all around, am not sleeping til after 2:30am since I want to play a song, and I find out last night that J's "brother" has a boyfriend that is a definite drag queen! Stay tuned to even more insanity in my life....... *Thanks, AWA, for the note. Although, sex hasn't changed me for life, I do find it to help in what it's become. It's a mad world.* 0 Got Balls? |
- - 2009-07-07 Love Facebook - 2009-05-07 Retards Away! - 2009-02-16 Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28 My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07 |