Yeah, as you know, my Final is based on reading a small children's book in a foreign language. Last night, I got jealous of how J found hers but little ol' me had none. To find a children's story that could be narrowed down to 5 minutes or less is hard but mission accomplished all while feeling like such a complete dork since I am obviously too old for such stories. Or am I?

To make a long 15 minutes of sitting on the floor short, I decided on "If You Take A Mouse To School." Looks cute and is far, far easier than the previous book I selected, "Piggy Pie (Hilarious!!!)." Basically, the title alone tells you everything you need to know about the book but I've never thought of actually taking a mouse to school.

The one thing I enjoyed was coming across several books I read as a child. You see, I was a bit odd in that I started reading much earlier than others so I was placed in the High Reading Group. Although it does sound like we were a bunch of stoners, Emily, Mark, and I were just gifted.

My gift came because my mother is a 3rd grade teacher. Let's just say that I was drilled on spelling, reading, math, and many other things while still keeping my wild streak of getting kissed by strange girls, enjoying mudfights, seeing my first Playboy Magazine, and knocking the shit out of someone in an apple fight. Long, long life I once led that made me me.

Of course, I mentioned but misspelled my absolute favorite children's story, "Rikki Tikki Tavi," the mongoose and the cobra story based from India. Why is it that I can remember it like yesterday just sitting there in the library's auditorium to view it on the screen as a cartoon? My guess is that that story played a big role on my life.

So, last night? Well, J and I finally got around to having sex but first I had to meet her aunt. It seems that this woman was dying to meet me as I was curious about her. Nice woman and you can tell that she has much to tell in those eyes.

J was the one that talked to her aunt more than me. I was too busy making googly eyes at the 2 kids. There was a little 2 year old boy that liked to dance til he was dizzy with any kind of music playing. Yes, I got to witness some of this to which many years later we will find him in bars showing girls these amazing moves. Hopefully, he won't fall down as much as I witnessed last night.

Maybe I can say that I like kids more as I get older. At one point, I did have this huge fear of holding babies that is lightly still there, folks. Last night, I found myself making faces at the little girl to which I receive many, many giggles.

Editor: "You are such a kid at heart, Hedgie!"

Oh, I swear I felt like a father in that I listened to the little girl read the homework placed upon her from class. It was a reading assignment based on placing jumbled words together for a sentence. While the little girl did this, I would voice it in a foreign language. The reason? J slapped me in giving too much away vocally. Yeah, we're already behaving like a married couple, no?

The next thing ya know, the TV show Alias was not for me to view. Nope. I had to make do in finally receiving a chance to get some much needed loving from J here that brought me to a great sexual high. Some people that sent me emails late last night got some weird ones back from me. What is it about sex that, at times, can make you feel like floating?

I'd like to add that there is just no way I could perform in a changing room at Super Wal-Mart. The idea did come up that night J and I chased each other in the store due to the need to touch each other. For some readon, just seeing the huge sign in the changing rooms with the words: "Shoplifting is not a prank or joke. We will persecute to the full..ya da ya da." That big red sign can bring about performance anxiety.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07