So, how am I doing? I'm not really sure at this point.......still. My way of thinking is that I have put off depression for so long due to what has been going on around me. My mom is fighting with her cousins over her inheritance. You see, the cousins are looting my grandparents' house and much more to come on this.

I've noticed that, before what happened between J and I, I have slowly becoming depressed. Headaches have started forming from just a couple hours to all day and night. It's hell just to sleep thanks to worries about how pathetic I feel and with what is going on in the world around me. The need to rant comes up at 3am just to yell about an insane topic that not many realize thanks to people being sheep to this industry.

What has kept me awake during the day is the anger. I just cannot understand how people can just sit there while our government continues to lie to us, steal from us, and have over half the world hate us. Did anyone see those people being hung in Iraq? No? Well, I was pissed at the news centers for censoring the actual horrors we should be seeing caused by war. Didn't Bush get us into this? Well, guess what? War is nothing like the movies and Rambo aint saving us but I do wish someone would send in Stallone because I'm not a fan of this diva.

Oh, I'd like to add that I am still wearing black underwear. I'm not sure if this is symbolizing anything but I so love wearing my black Calvins with tan shorts. Maybe my penis is in mourning.

So, J? The night I went over to have dinner was just a talk. No eating since she didn't inform me that she and her best friend were going to her dad's to eat. Gee, thanks. I'm actually understanding but I wish J had given me the heads up on it. There are times where my feelings are not always considered.

In some ways, I am happy with what happened. J is just fresh out of high school and I am weathered, beaten, and have been through college to the point that I know what goes on. She has yet to understand that when she leaves to go to a 4 year college that it will change a lot of her outlook. I'm not the same person I was going in.

What annoys me is how J's best friend, Brandi, is ALWAYS around. Always. I'm fine with my girlfriend having a best friend that is very immature but I rarely had any alone time with J unless Brandi had to leave and such. Oh, and this is a cause of why J's been getting bad grades, Brandi's insisting they go out. I could so go on with this.

There are a lot of things I miss that put J's childish actions away from my mind. I miss kissing her so deeply that I had to stop in order to breathe at times. Of course, I did have a cold that made it worse. I miss the goofiness of her running her hands on me in class to let me know that she was there and thinking of me. There were the smiles from across the room as I walked in. Yes, the sex was wonderful to the point that my mouth was so tired from drinking her orgasms. Life was once good, no?

So, right now I'm burying myself in a book as I said before, "Hollywood Animal," and wanting to finish it soon. It's quite good if you like Hollywood gossip and such on stars and how idiotic they are but I'm ready for the harsh reality of sororities and Greek legends. At over 700 pages, "Hollywood Animal," is not a simple book.

There is also an event that I must attend to get contacts for my start in a career. Dressing up is not bad for me since this time of year is so cool out. I so do not want to sweat like a pig all while wearing a white shirt and tie after getting majorly cleaned up earlier.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07