So, I sit here and I sit here wondering what is going on thanks to my parents having to visit a nursing home all while the cousins have kicked pretty much everyone out. Yes, these so called "family people" are the ones that suggested a nursing home for my grandparents all while anxious to loot.

My parents aren't due back for an hour or shortly after..........

I have to admit that I have been slowly more and more curious as to my relationship with J that has since broken up. Questions appear in my head:

-Was she happy with me? Well, she sure as hell seemed like it til things got so depressing with school. All that work, her mother, and so on must have gotten to her. Even the big plan of me sleeping with J in her bed for the first time got taken away thanks to her having too much on the plate before her. I'll admit that my depression with my own personal issues took away my goofy personality but it was only temporary.

-Was I a good kisser? I know! Laugh all you want but some guys do wonder this since some women can be so choosey as to what a guy does with his mouth in pertaining to kissing. When J told me that Brandi broke up with a guy due to it partially being about bad kissing, I assumed I'm okay. Hell, I gave it my best shot to which she would motion me to come forward to get those lips. So, I'm okay there.

-Was the sex good? Yeah, the whole meat n' potatoes of it all had to be good. Why else would J come over, practically expect me to get her clothes off, and go down on her? I'm good at it and I'd know if she faked an orgasm since I'm good at reading a girl's body and enjoyed seeing the little "ripples" that took effect once she came. *If you are a male virgin, what I am talking about is looking near the pubic area to which you will see the skin suddenly move strange as she orgasms* There is also the fact that I put J first in sex so her orgasm was more important as should be. Guys, know that you may be able to cum first but don't.

-Were the conversations good? This is the one that I'm up on the fence about. J's smart but not quite full of my personality. Granted, I am moody but she wasn't quite into an intelligent conversation and had no outside stimulation that showed this. Hell, J's room at home had no real personality that gave me any idea on her. My room has TOO MUCH!

The funny thing is that my first true love, Kristan, was correct. The first break-up in your life is the worst and will send you in such a spin that no wound could match the feelings going through you. The break-up with J, my 10th or so on, was hella easier in that I've been feeling pretty good. I see all the negatives about the relationship (her mom, aunt, ex-boyfriend, etc.) that I had to deal with and am happy to not be a part of anymore.

Does this mean I would want to get back with J one day in the future? I'm not sure on this because there are more negatives than I realized and am quite happy at this time. Only time will tell.

What I truly, truly want is to find someone that matches me eccentric personality. This person will likely have to love to talk, goof-off, and be serious at the right times. Bald-O comes to mind but I'm just not gay. *Laughs* It takes a while to build comfort in a relationship but the rewards are so worth it. I just don't want to get too comfy to the point that the thought of that person leaving suddenly becomes traumatic.

Yeah, I know so many people think that guys are interested in girls solely for sex. Although I enjoy it so much and take pride in my love of it, it's only lightly important. It may seem impossible since I've had sex on the first date too many times but I'm fine with waiting.

Foods to eat during a break-up according to Hedgehoggy:

-Vanilla Wafers

-Lots of cheese

-Cookies! Cookies! *Starts singing ""C" is for cookie, good enough for me!"*

-Watch lots and lots of baseball due to me being a diehard Cubs fan.

Some people may bring out the pints of ice cream but I'm just not an ice cream kind o' guy. Only on occasion will you find me with a bowl of vanilla topped with caramel and a cherry on top. That would mean that the break-up was extremely stressful and sad.

The longest mourning period I went through was 2 years thanks to Kristan. No other girl I saw compared to how amazing she was. Not one! Kristan was so full of knowledge in what she had learned in her 29 years of life compared to my 19, full of personality in the right areas, and orgasmically sexual to the point that her biggest dilemma wasn't whether she smelled "down there" like so many other girls I've met.

- - 2009-07-07

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