Today, my mother is quite depressed thanks to her father being back in surgery on Wednesday and no one bothering to tell her. Yes, these cousins are very sneaky greedy fucks that have gotten to her. From what I could see, my mother was nearly in tears last night and is under continued stress since. So, I guess it should be no surprise that the Easter Bunny did not make a visit here in this house.

Editor: "Probably shot and skinned by them southern fucks calling themselves "cousins.""

For me, I am trying my best to keep my mind off of what is happening with my mother's cousins' taking advantage of my grandparents. I'll admit that I am angry about how these people suddenly appear to take their money thanks to my grandparents' slow demise but I really can't do anything about it right now.

So, today is laundry day and you know what that means!?! Ellie-Mae, my beloved fat Yorkshire Terrier, has taken it upon herself to go through my heap of dirty clothes to find her "favorites." So far, she has selected a pair of my black Calvins and a few socks to roll around on. Just what is up with this kinky little dog that these actions are expected?

*"Taps" begins to play*

Do you hear that? That's the sound you hear as a pair of my amazing collection of Calvins has lost one of its own. It's always a feeling of sorrow as I have to discard a pair of my underwear that has been with me from good times and bad. All of those baseball games I played in or watched in them. All of those times I got drunk and somehow my undies stayed on. All of those times Kristan unbuttoned them to play wiggle mah weiner. Those were the days, folks!

It's funny how if you count the pairs of Calvins I have now. I *think* it's now at 28 or so. Most of my colors are white but I love having grey and black to wear with tan shorts. I'm not sure why those colors are my favorite with khakis but white goes so well with jeans.

Some of my girlfriends, namely Jen, would take it upon themselves to explain their love of panties. As I sat on Jen's bed while she folded hers, she explained why she wears certain ones. My memory is hazy but I will try:

"Mike, we girls have it different than you guys. It is our duty to be sexy with very tiny pieces of fabric basically shoved up our crotch or practical with a lovely pair that we wear to events. Black and "yucky panties" are to be worn if we are "surfing the crimson wave." The colors should be dark such as black but black can be a pair of seduction panties. No girl in her right mind should wear thongs during her this time period unless they are absolutely clueless and completely skanky and don't mind "interesting stains." Panties are much more important than guys' underwear because we girls have to be extra careful thanks to them labeling us on what type we wear."

And we cannot leave without a word from my other girlfriend:

"Mike, a girl can never have enough panties."

Fine. I, as a guy, cannot have enough Calvins due to their nice snog fit of not allowing me to go "free-balling" when I play sports. I have no idea why other guys wear boxers because I do not like to feel my "stuff" move around.

Speaking of that, would you like to hear the story of how I realized that my dick was hanging out in the locker room thanks to the fact that one of the buttons on my Calvins popped off? I thought not. I'm glad no one tried to help me place it back in.

So, today we bid adieu to my pair of Calvins that have ended up in my wastebasket. With 5 holes forming at the waistband and a top button that popped off, it was their time to go. My kinky Yorkie will never get the opportunity to roll around on 'em but at least I send these Calvins that have been with me in many good/bad times off with dignity.

To which, I am wearing a pair of white Calvins with my loose khaki shorts and a red shirt on this chilly Easter Day. Nothin's gonna fall out.

You know what? I've realized that I didn't do my Year End Entry as planned to look back at last year along with my special help for male virgins that keep finding my page under kinky headlines late at night:

"How to ask out a girl"

"Sniff her ass"

"How to kiss"

"Sniff her panties"

and my personal favorite

"When farting becomes a bonding experience"

Gawd, just how do I tackle all these topics without sounding like a really gross Hedgehoggy? I mean, I'm sure girls find it funny to know what guys think when they do such things but I don't want to sound gross. Do girls really want to know why guys do things like this? Most of my audience is female with the occasional male virgin that Googles me under such kinky topics so who knows if I am going to go down that territory......

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07