Going out to the mailbox should always be this pleasant! A normal Monday would find me drooling over the newest issue of Entertainment Weekly. What with its actual thought filled articles on movies, a good 30 minutes of my life are spent laying on the floor, complete with my feet moving back and forth like a cat having it's back scratched. Just don't ask me to "meow" because I save that for when I am in moments of deep shit.

"If all else fails, just meow."

Finally, a mag that gets a few things right! We get a picture of Keira Knightley holding a very large......uh..sword. Obviously, I wish she were holding something quite large of mine but that's just my kooky fantasy, folks and should not be stated since I have been known to offend large mammals, the occasional chicken, and possibly Tom Green.

It's not just the picture of Keira that has me wanting another copy of this Entertainment Weekly but the fact that so many summer movies get actual treatment of love here and no meows. I'm wanting to read about King Arthur (July 7), The Village (July 30) and the new Harry Potter flick. I just hate to see too many mags focus squarely on the new Spiderman sequel, even though the first one was quite good.

In case you haven't noticed, there are sorts of people that like movies that make us think or transfer us to a world that we once imagined thanks to reading books of medieval lore. Spiderman has its place but I've got a strong desire for Keira since she can handle a sword and bow. Wish I could have taught her how to use the latter.

Funny thing about all this? I haven't set foot in the theater for a long, long time. The last one was for Charlies Angels sequel but I do have memories of a few movies.

Eyes Wide Shut will always stay with me because it was so......odd. MR and I went at a very late hour that found us dragging ass at 2am. Not one word was said as we exited that theater. Not one word.

However, once I dropped MR off at his house, we couldn't stop talking with the following sentences:

"What was the movie about?"

"Was the whole thing a dream?"

"Did you see that trimmed bush on that chick?"

"Did Tom get stoned or was I?"

"I'm not sure on the "landing strips" women are getting now. How do you feel?"

"Can you believe we are discussing this!?!"

Although, many critics panned Eyes Wide Shut, I found it interesting due to being so weird. Not many movies I know get that grade from me but the whole orgy scene just had my jaw drop to a whole new level. The music, although barely more than 1 note, still plays in my head. Maybe, seeing this movie at such a late hour was for good reason.

The one I know will shock people into hearing what happened to me is Signs. Now, I loved this movie! Sure, it was a bit slow but the director NOT showing us these aliens made it so much fun and scared the shit out of me. I'm being serious when I say this because once the flick ended, I had to spend the night in Bald-O's trailer out in the middle of nowhere on 40 acres. It takes a lot to make me shiver but being out there with the thought that aliens might pick me as their next anal probe made sleeping really hard to do.

*Ever notice that since the aliens in Signs could not handle water, how come there was no mention of them dealing with rain? If they came to take over, why did they want us since most of the world is actually water? Just some thoughts.*

If this happened now, I'd like to take a shot at defending Earth from people that look like a Swan in need of a major Botox makeover. Reminds me of a great quote

"I'm here for 2 things, to chew bubblegum and kick ass. Well, I'm all out of bubblegum."

*Major props if you know what movie I'm talkin' about.*

Oh, the director of Signs is the one that is doing The Village. Love it that nothing is being given away about what is lurking in the woods that has a house on edge. I'm hoping that directors take note because giving away too much too soon is very annoying.

There will be no mention of E today since she will be home after work talking with her family. It's this day that a call is sent to Peru that lasts up to 3 hours and E complaining that her ear hurts. Girls and phones are a serious epidemic. Discuss amongst yourselves.

It's strange to me how it is so close to May but the weather is so chilly out there. I'm not complaining but my body is confused due to my baggy A&F shorts calling me.

"Come, I will clothe your ass with my fine self. Together, we will rule your "branch n' berries" with occasional riding up."

Well, my dad has a brand new computer that even has me wanting to play with it. Don't you just love these flat screens instead of the big bulky type I am typing on right now?

- - 2009-07-07

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