I don't want to come off as an arrogant prick but there is something I just don't get after watching E's Behind the Scenes on Brad Pitt's new movie, Troy. You see, I've had a discussion with other guys in the gym that just don't get all this hoopla over Brad's so called buff body. Even Nick, one of the gayest ex-underwear models and overall great guy, doesn't get it either. By the way, this is a guy that was talking about how he wished Hugh Jackman would bend over while he tapped that ass.

Okay, I'd like to clarify that I work out. Now, I may complain on occasion but it's my sense of self-discipline that draws me to the gym and keeps me there. At 10% bodyfat and a chiseled 185 pounds all while standing 5"10," I'm definitely a fit guy to question the media's marvels over Brad Pitt's body. What I want to know is how much he weighed all after the training.

Weightlifters will scrutinize other actors' body like crazy. Vin Diesel and football players' bodies are the most sought after. For women, it's mostly Jennifer Aniston and any girl that looks good in a midriff showing shirt.

Whatever. The point is that we share a love of being fit rather than sitting on our asses watching TV and a bag of Cheetos lovingly in our arms. The funny thing is that I share a love of this as well since I'm (Don't hate me for this!) the guy that increased his metabolism after being a chunky monkey in 7th Grade.

Audience: "ARRRRRGH! Off with his head!"

Okay, I will tell you a little secret that helps me go to the gym on those days I feel like complete shit, mostly Wednesdays. You'd be surprised to know that most of the time I'm not happy to be there as I change in the locker room while sweaty hairy men walk around me with their teeny tiny dicks flopping around. Was that an overshare?

My friends. It's as easy as that when it comes to going to the gym. I've met some of the nicest people ever since I started opening up last summer (Oh, those entries!) in which I talked to people I used to ignore all because I wanted to get in the gym and out fast.

We all know Nick, the ex-underwear model with a very chiseled body thanks to his addiction to the gym. Well, this guy constantly cracks me up all due to his insane dance moves. When Nick saw 13 Going On 30, he came into the gym and started doing the movie's "Thriller" moves. Guess who was laughing and then decided to do The Robot?

Audience: "Oooh, the robot!"

Will, a guy that helps spot me on the preacher curl, is a guy that I get into discussing politics and military shit. So, while I'm grunting and straining, there is a deep discussion going on all. My only issue is how Will will point out ever pretty girl that walks by in the gym while I'm trying to concentrate and NOT get an awakening from my dick.

Harry (aka "Big Country") is the guy that you can laugh your ass off about everything involved in sports. This big black guy is hilarious and also loves to discuss why a 60-inch TV should not be used for the Friends Finale but for the sole purpose of video games and sports. I'm not sure on the porn thing but knowing Harry, it's a possibility.

Now, another person that gives me that extra energy is a woman with the most enormous ass I've ever seen all while being attached to a very small body. She and I will do dance moves that are amazingly embarassing such as The Robot, Shopping Cart, and The Sprinkler all while shouting, "You got served!" If you think you've seen it all, try watching what we do in my gym because it is just a recipe for disastor when muscular people dance.

What I'm trying to say is that people I've met in the gym give me that urge to attend all because we make it fun for each other. Nick always likes to discuss his love of Hugh Jackman and other guys he'd like to fuck. It's nice that I make him feel comfortable since many gay guys I know aren't quite as open to those that are straight. My guess is that I make a lot of people feel this way because you'll see me making goofy faces at a friend or two here and there as I work my ass off in that gym.

My only problem is dealing with other guys that are jealous since I talk to a lot of girls that happen to be....uh..very pretty. Thanks to opening myself up, I just cannot resist discussing the movie, Love Actually, with this one sorority girl that had to leave for the summer but will be back in August. Watch as some of the guys hate the fact that this girl wants to talk to me after laughing at Nick's attempts to dance all while hitting his foot on a machine. Yes, that happened this week.

I've got to admit that it took me time to start talking again after spending much of my time in a gym down south thanks to attending school there for 9 months out of the year. I got so sick of fraternity pricks with massive egos and sorority girls with no personalities all while drinking water all day to avoid a hangover in a place with no air conditioning. Got all that? It's a different world when you go to a gym, inhabited by actual people that don't need letters to accentuate their egos.

So, if all else fails, dance! That person laughing at your terrible moves could probably end up as a friend for life. It all reminds me of a slogan my friend had on her dormroom wall:

"You've gotta dance like no one's watching and love like you've never been hurt."

Oh, like Brad Pitt's "Achilles" character, I've got sandals! Whoo! I feel like such a fool for only wearing shoes each summer but now I've got some nice North Carolina blue Air Jordan sandals to wear as I fling my dogs' shit over the sides of the yard as well as when I want to reveal my long toes. As they say, guys with big feet......

Well, I read a review of the new 2-disc version of Underworld and am very happy to report that my gripe about the great flick will most likely be gone. For me, I felt like the movie went too fast but with the added 12 minutes, the critic said that things were much more improved, namely a longer final battle. Yay! Since I read the book for Underworld, I also am happy to say that the sex tryst between Kraven and his maid has been added. Who doesn't want to see him bite her breasts? Yeah, Underworld needed a little sex to make it more all around since vampires are sworn to it. I'm not sure if I want to see werewolves fucking since there is that hair issue. Just how long will it take to find that "wet spot?"

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07