I cannot fucking believe that I don't have The Bourne Identity on DVD. It's gotta be stupid to hear me start out an entry like this but I was glancing at a few scenes of The Bourne Supremacy's movie trailer due out in late July and I'm once again lovin' what I see. I'm not a fan of Matt Damon but more on martial arts and adventure. Along with that girl from Run, Lola, Run, I'm wondering why I, a major DVD collector, do not have The Bourne Identity. It's just a matter of time.

So, I've been preparing to send my resume online to a place that distributes them. All of this is lightly a pain but I can go here and there on my own time so it's so minor of a hassle. Thanks to my advisor for the words of encouragement that led me back up. With my back being so awful, I've been very fragile.

My back? Oh, much better than yesterday! I'm able to do things much easier than yesterday. It was embarassing to have to tell my Yorkies that I couldn't pick them up for "airplane rides" but had to lay on the floor for them to "conquer" me instead. It's no longer funny when a dog thinks your face is a place to sit.

So, the finishing touches are being placed on my DVDs Everyone Should Own List. It took me a while to think of what to add in each category and I'm sure to get a lot of shit from movie fans over some of my choices so I will try to explain why. Surprisingly, there is one category that is giving me problems since there are too many to narrow down.

Speaking of movies, I rented Eurotip Unrated to replicate. I was curious about the Nude Scene Index and was delighted that I did not need a fast forward to see who ends up dropping trou. What I was shocked (it takes a lot to shock me) was what I am about to tell you.

There is a scene in Eurotrip that has what the director called 50 Naked Guys. It is just that and I found myself laughing hysterically at the scene in which there are actually 50 naked guys of all sizes walking around with their flaccid penises. Even Buffy, my lone Yorkie invited to my room, barked a few times.

Okay, I'm one of the VERY few guys that would state that nudity in movies should be even steven even if it involves floppy penises. The last time I had sex, both J and I were naked so my boxer/briefs didn't just magically reappear on me like they do in the movies. Nope, I got up with my penis flopping around while she watched.

*I don't know if you know this but 85% of girls like the male butt*

It's funny about the rating system in movies. According to a very strict following, there is only so much nudity, cuss words, and violence allowed to be viewable. If you don't like it, go Unrated or use the kiss of death, NC-17. We are pathetic in how nudity is seen as demeaning and gross but our real problems with life continue to grow.

-The ratings council counts how many curse words you can use. Only 1 or 2 "F" words are allowed in PG-13 and it depends on how they are used, etc. Some get away with more but times have changed since Janet showed a boobie.

-Vaginas are not allowed. Women cannot be seen with legs spread in any way to show those yummy "pink parts" that I find so delicious. If women are nude, they have to have pubic hair to cover as well as only so much time spent nude. Boobs cannot be seen too close up for a long period of time. If the movie is a documentary of a famous person, only so much actual nudity can be allowed for a PG or PG-13 rating.

-Penises are the damned if you do, damned if you don't. We cannot get erections on screen since that is, like, so gross! What girl would want to see a guy all hard n' stuff? *Laughs* Many movies have to be cut if they have penises on display, namely any Ewan Mcgregor flick (only real movie people will get that joke). Most guys will not do nude scenes since they don't want their size discussed. Let's face it. We'll be considered "small" if not hard and considered porn if we are. Weird.

So, if you want a really weird laugh that I'd advise you not to see with your parents, see Eurotrip's Beach Scene of 50 naked weiners. Only the strong will turn to their mothers and ask if Dad is more hung.

Editor: "Oh, a dare by Hedgehoggy!"

- - 2009-07-07

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