It's funny how most guys aren't that into girls that play sports thanks to the feeling that they display too many masculine traits or whatever the fuck the problem is. I love it! The display of athleticism that builds a nice design of a body drives me wild. A toned tummy or ass may get my attention but I also admire the work it takes to get that way.

A good example would be Kristan and her abs. She loved the fact that when she walked around nude I couldn't take my eyes off her stomach muscles. A jealous Hedgehoggy? Yup, and add that to her a fantastic body that I helped design since this was the only woman I would allow to work out directly with me.

*My workouts are very demanding and only a very in shape person can handle them since I don't quit no matter how much sweat or pain I am in.*

A guy can truly admire the female form for more than the sexuality it oozes. There are many girls in my gym that I have absolutely no attraction to but I can't help but notice the amount of good they have done to their bodies. Even if she has a sweat stain down her ass, I'd still think well of her.

For some reason, I feel as if I am at the peak of my time. Of course, it doesn't always last thanks to internal conflict of life......

So, I saw Jason once again last night in the gym. He wanted me to meet him at the bookstore for a short chat of the usual guy bullshittin' things. I love bookstores so why not?

"You're too big."

Those were Jason's words to me about my upper body, something I took a long time in designing thanks to trial and error in my previous workouts. The words only stunned me for a tiny bit because I looked at Jason and wondered why he would say something like that when his lower body is so much bigger than his upper.

*I know this sounds like such a weird dilemma but guys are really weird on size.*

It took me a long time to actually love my body. In the past, I had an eating disorder that made high school a bit hellish. The worst is that it never disappears thanks to something in the brain that keeps it there. I've done so many things to destroy actual growth that I am for once at a point that I like how I look.

It helps to be strong and such in that little things can be fun. Hardly anyone wants to start a fight with me, I get nodded at by complete strangers in the gym, some people respect the dedication I put in, and there are people that stroke your ego by saying:

"Look at the arms on that guy!"

You wanna know what the sweetest thing is? What I absolutely die from is hearing from a girlfriend that I make her feel safe. The thickness in my body gives her that feeling of knowing no one will start something with me there. Only an absolute lunatic will start a nasty fight to hurt her.

It's probably that I have always been protective of my girlfriends. There's also the little weird thing in which I will let her fight her own battles. Let me tell ya that having a girlfriend like Kristan in which she owned a couple shotguns and a bow was nice. I so love the tough chicks.

It could be the surge of testosterone in me but I love movies with war that is fought on a giant battlefield and honor is still within. Maybe that's why I'm in love with the movie trailer for King Arthur (July 7th) and seeing these people fight for an actual cause instead of what our military is doing in Iraq for a pathetic excuse of a president.

So, to end this weird discussion, I'm just trying to say how my body feels like a machine but I've got an old soul willing to be exposed in the coldest of nights.

I'm not sure if I will be able to do an entry tomorrow or not since I am leaving on my own for a 2.5 hour drive. I may or may not say goodbye but I hope all of you that read me have a great weekend.

-To Raven, get better and be careful in kissing those cute boys. I won't be in the club for a short bit.

-Sammy, welcome to the working world of the dead! 8am is....uh....different, no?

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07