-The Virgin Suicides

I'm not sure if I will sound like a gloat or an egotistical lout but I am quite pleased with myself. You see, I am very shy about driving great distances alone (over 1 hour) since I have this nagging fear of my car breaking down. The next thing you know, a bunch of gay male midgets and their orangutan named "Billy" become my sole means of getting home. Obviously, our actual nightmares don't happen.

So, I travelled 2 hours and 40 minutes south to see my boys. It wasn't as big of a get together as it used to be due to many people starting families or the fact that Mark and Crystal (Bald-O's sister) were on vacation. Gawd, go over my old entries of me having to wake up at 10am surrounded by people in a small trailer thanks to drinking til 3am. You can learn a lot by how many times you are forced to pee outside thanks to an amazing amount of vast land, 15 drunken ex-baseball players, and bullshittin'.

The drive itself was pretty easy and not once did I actually get lost. Oh, I missed an exit but only for a few seconds thanks to the old folks going 30mph in a 55mph zone. I curse them along with the Wal-Mart truck that made me lose a good 15 minutes of time.

*I don't know how many times I had to read: "We leave our lights on for safety" on the back of the Wal-Mart truck. It became an obsession of mine."

So, around 3:30pm, I pull up to Bald-O's trailer. Of course, he had that usual grin on his face that seems to happen evertime we meet. Yup, I'm back to enjoying southern hospitality, once again!

Oh, the joy I bring to small ignorant townfolk! If you know me, I wear t-shirts with slogans that get people's attention so I found the perfect one to wear down south. Bald-O loved it but what I loved was the weird looks, mostly from people in the Wal-Mart we visited.

"I love lesbians."

That was the exact slogan on my white t-shirt but the "love" was in the form of a heart. Seeing old guys stare at me in silence, along with a waitress that kept reading and rereading it at the small restaurant. Anything to piss of the small-minded folks, huh? Actually, I was more into making them think because that's what I believe is good about controversy.

Oh, don't go thinking these small town folks are so innocent, no matter how much they think so. The local video store has a porn section next to the tanning room. I know because I go back there to laugh at the titles (Bald-O is too afraid of someone he knows seeing him). Just what is up with the porn/tanning/videoizing of America? Only one is bad. Guess which one.

2 of my old college roommates came to Bald-O's as well. Corey and "Blondie" were my roommates for 2 years along with Bald-O. I've had a lot of arguments with Blondie due to his desire to compete with me about women. It annoyed me then but it's not as bad now. Blondie's first words to me at Bald-O's:

"So, when was the last time you got some ass?"

Wow! I admire a person that gets to the point but sex is not something I consider as being great in amount but in quality. I'd take a great girl over the opportunity to have sex with 20. I am very, very unique for a guy.

So a bonfire was lit and Corey, Blondie, Bald-O, and I sat around with beers in hand. Good thing for the fire because it got a wee bit chilly but I liked the change from all the heat recently.

It may be a good thing that Blondie had to leave early the next day to sing somewhere. I was happy to see him (Bald-O didn't tell me he was coming til I got there) but we come close to blows. It may be that Blondie has grown more, though.

Corey left earlier than when I got up at 10:30am after getting really drunk at the bonfire til 3am. I have no idea how he did it since I had way too many eye boogers keeping my eyes so sleepy. It seems to happen a lot when I'm at Bald-O's, them damn boogers!

Due to not getting much sleep and being outside to help Bald-O's parents with their planting (pumpkin, gourd, etc.), we watched Matrix Reloaded on his 51 inch HDTV. This woke me up (especially the freeway chase-Loved it!) because I had nearly fallen asleep in the chair too many times thanks to Bald-O's need to watch The Spelling Bee.

I had heard internet rumors that you can see Monica Belucci's bush in the apparently transparent dress worn in the movie. Well, I would like to state that it is true!

Now, picture 2 idiotic males staring at the screen for evertime the lovely European actress, Monica Belucci, comes on and you get the idea of how pathetic we are.

Bald-O: "That's a shadow, you jackass!"

Those were his words until he realized that I am correct. The bush is there and it was a lovely one, I might add. I've seen Monica nude in a few movies and she is not just a great actress but unforgetable in body. No bone thin pathetically too trim from her. I may be for toned women but Monica's lovely face just drives me wild.

Anyone else want to add to Monica Belucci's bush debate? We used a 51 inch digital TV and Bald-O and I made the conclusion that is no shadow but a definite dark patch of pubic hair.

Male members of the audience: (Loud claps and whistles)

So, I am off to rest and heal from Bald-O's new dog, Blue. She's a stray found by his parents and gets a nice run of the 40 acres of land. The only thing is that Blue is a little wild thanks to being so young but she's so nice. Bald-O and I like to watch her run through the small creek area to splash and play by herself. Gawd, Bald-O's got it all, huh? A dog, a 51 inch TV, his own place on 40 acres. All he needs now is a wife. She just needs to overlook the drinkin', spittin', and smokin' of he that is Bald-O.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07