Yeah, we now have 30 little quail hatchlings running around in an enormous wooden box located in our garage. It's fun to watch these little shits dart here and there once their bodies dry under the heat lamp. Although most of the quail make noise, there is one that is of the very noisy type, the first born. You'll see him/her do the most running all because of it's massive ego telling everyone so.

So, I've been inspired by Fangoria's latest issue on the newsstands. I've forgotten that this magazine devoted to horror has been around for 25 years. Fangoria may be considered the best but it sold out long ago to movies that really have nothing to do with making people scared along with getting too big for its britches. It does have its moments of having great stories behind the horror movies themselves.

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with Friday the 13th movies, Halloween, and Phantasm. It was here that I got turned into loving my fear of all things scary. Werewolves were my ultimate scare but I didn't know that til much, much later as I grew up.

With all due respect, I will give my Top 5 DVDs To Own For Horror Buffs:

1. Ginger Snaps should come as no surprise to those that have read and reread my diary. I'm always up for a good lycanthorpe flick and this one was that and a hell of a lot more. For one thing, I thought so many horror movies had lost their edge thanks to a director that forgot how to make people scared. All actual things to do with lycanthorpes or vampires were done to death but along came Ginger.

What amazed me about Ginger Snaps is that it has so much to say other than just about werewolves. The lead character, as she buries the school's head bitch, makes a remark about how girls will always be known as the slut or virgin but never a killer. This all after she is forced to kill a girl that has plagued her high school years could be used as our so called male belief that women are to be seen as whores or virgins. There is no in-between. Interesting.

The funniest moment is when Ginger, slowly becoming in werewolf mode, gets the school's desegnated cool guy into a car to fuck him. Well, the do it but the poor guy also gets his dick bit somehow which causes him to bleed "down there" in school. Funny. I'm guessing it's a woman's way of saying how we make fun of periods and now it's time for the guys to understand. Werewolves, menstruation, and an ode to Canada. It doesn't get much better than this!

Let's not forget the horror and the ending is a major chase in the house that left me fuckin' scared. I cannot give the director enough credit for doing what he did because it was just a beautiful chase sequence in an unfinished portion of a house. Add that to Ginger finally becoming 100% werewolf and you've got yourself a guy that's dying to have her bite him. Oh, but I'd be a good werewolf and end this world's sickening hospitality for violent criminals. In this town, that would mean a lot of black guys.

2. Scream. When the lights came up after seeing this movie in the theater before all the reviews, I didn't know what to say. My friend was an usher and for once I was completely confused. It's probably because I was scared, a feeling I've never had in an actual movie theater.

The whole movie of Scream was brilliance. Take all the points of horror movies and play them against us. What I still think was so well done was killing Drew Barrymore in the beginning since we are known to think a lead actress will survive til the end. Oh, and don't forget to add the thrills of a guy dressed in what looks like a ghost's outfit. Damn scary! Oh, did they kill The Fonz, too? Can you believe that there is a harder "R" version out there that has not been released!?!

3. Dog Soldiers. I don't care what you think because this one is a movie that has my ultimate fear. Take some soldiers and place them in a vast wilderness all while they think they are in a practice run filled with witty dialogue that guys actually use but with British slang. Add a mix of werewolves that can run like hell so that the hunters become the hunted. Did I tell you the werewolves are about 8 feet tall and can work together as a team to take down prey?

The basis of Dog Soldiers is a bit like Aliens in that once the British soldiers have a first go at the werewolves, they are then chased to a secluded farmhouse. They aren't safe for long and the fact that they don't know how many of those things are out there makes it far worse. Only silver can actuall kill a lycanthorpe (ask any horror nut)but regular bullets can hurt. We all know that soldiers don't carry silver so it gets really tight once ammo's and morale's sunk lower than the hidden farmhouse bunker so how the fuck are you going to get out of there!?!

What I adore is that the werewolves are not CGI and the people playing them are on stilts for the 8 feet look. This movie is a major chase that only slows down in the middle for the soldiers to sit down and figure out just what they saw in the woods that cut their numbers down. It's not for the squeamish and those that don't like to be surprised so beware of a lot of bloody scenes.

What's also interesting about Dog Soldiers is something that I've missed from movies, testosterone. If you loved the manliness of Predator, you'll notice this. These guys, all scared shitless in a farmhouse, are so filled with toughness that you wonder how they even ended up as scared as they are. It's pretty true to form in how they slowly fall apart and show their inner selves when confronted with an agonizing death thanks to the sharp teeth of a predator that doesn't bargain. Always wanted to know a guy that was nicknamed "Spoon."

4. The Cell. Not many movies have images that stay with me but this one has a lot. From the long flowing robes of this killer as he haunts Jello to the really weird scenes of things supposed to remain in our nightmares, we've got ourselves a movie I've seen twice but can't forget.

Most of The Cell reminds me of Clive Barker's Hellraiser series but still offers something unique. It's funny how I look at it now and cannot believe that Jello was in it. Nowadays, I avoid her movies like The Olsen Twins.

It's been a while since I've seen The Cell but I do recommend it for the amazing uses of image. The story is quite good but the actual place we are transported to, the killer's mind, is something that has to be seen.

5. The Howling is an old werewolf movie that is part quiet little flick for the first hour and then all hell breaks loose! A woman is invited to go take a vacation in the woods after being attacked by what supposedly a pervert of some kind. Just what are these people found in the woods? Why is there the feeling that something is watching this couple on their freetime?

What's really amazing about The Howling is that it takes our beliefs in werewolves and kind of tinkers with them. It's not just at full moon that people can change but whenever they want to. The scene in the office scared the shit out of me and was best said by what happened to Sarah, a girl down the hall of my dorm.

"This isn't scary at all."

An hour had passed in the movie and Sarah was really frozen so we tapped her shoulder. She completely lost it!

Well, these are the movies that scare the shit out of me or leave me with impressive images. Other notables are Event Horizon, An American Werewolf In London, Deep In the Woods, Ginger Snaps 2, and a few others. What scares me might not scare you so watch at your own risk.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07