Think guys don't get jealous? Well, it's definitely not true due to the looks I've been getting from the top bodybuilder in my gym. Either he wants me to bend over and smother butter all over my hairless ass while calling me "Al" or I've put on some major muscle, baby!

It's true. While benching a hefty amount of weight, I caught Nick sneaking peaks at me as I grunted to get the weight of 420 pounds up on the machine. He may have bigger arms but I've got colossal sized balls to do what I did. What I am doing in the gym is insane.

What's weird about all this is that Nick is known as THE MAN due to his bodybuilding experiences (the pictures are all over the wall so you HAVE TO see him smiling while wearing "ball-huggers" that make him look like he's got 2 grapenuts suspended in the air) and desire to wear clothes that accentuate. I'm just this dude that's been lifting weights ever since high school because it kept the fat off. All former fat kids can state that they don't miss those days.

Editor: "You should see Hedgehoggy's 7th Grade photos of him with cheeks like a chipmunk hoarding walnuts."

There's a girl in my gym that I talk to since she's so shy. The reason is most likely because of her weight that goes along with low self esteem. What I do admire is that she continues to go at it in my gym as best she can from cardio to nautilus each day. It's funny how this girl used to be so shy of me but now laughs with me about my tendency to babble in conversations with girls I like. Yeah, that's my weakness.

Maybe I put the girls I like on too high of a pedestal. Just a thought.

Oh, that 16 year old was back in the gym tonight waving at me each time she saw me. Huge smiles! It's nice to meet someone with such innocense but I am more used to people with deviant desires.

I don't know what I am doing here all while talking to a 16 year old girl, folks. She's so nice and I am not the type that will just brush off friendship with someone because of age thanks to the fact that she seems more fun than most of the 40 year old women with 5 kids and a need for Metamucil before 9am. There's also the fact that most guys are in the gym just because their wives tell them to get their fat asses off the couch. Guys and girls my age are more interested in getting drunk after a workout. Isn't innocense kind of cool?

What's really weird to me is that I go to my gym and I am either going to come across:

-Elizabeth (my total crush for now)

-E (my past crush but with boyfriend in another country and yes she is back)

-16 year old jailbait (a lot of guys think she's older but I know the truth)

It would be completely disastorous if Sara, Blockbuster Girl, started a membership at my gym. How the fuck would I get a workout due to my insane need to talk to all of these girls!?! Gawd, it is tough to own a dick, at times.

To tell you the truth, I am lost but I'm doing my best to just see what happens. No planning because planning invites disappointment. As my mom would say:

"You live for chaos!"

So, I see Saddam is being given away to be tried for war crimes. Gawd, can you imagine what will happen when they read the list of what he is being charged with? Do you know how many days that would take? It would be just shorter than the list of stupid things Bush has done in his years of presidency. Just a wee bit shorter.

Definitely on my list of weird things I've done:

-Talked to a girl in my gym that I've known for years, a black woman that's the girlfriend of a long ago workout partner, Goldtooth (BIG guy. Major big guy!). Well, we spent almost 30 minutes discussing the size of her ghetto booty. I'm not joking about this but she loves the fact that her ass is HUGE!

Unfortunately, this woman hates it when guys start quoting Sir Mix A lot or Juvenile's "Back That Ass Up." I'm not sure why but it's probably the pick up lines she gets from black dudes while she is not with Goldtooth.

I asked her if she can do The Beyonce, where she puts her palms on her knees and puts her ass out to shake it. The woman looked at me and said that everyone would have to back away so she could shake it like that. Of course, small animals and rodents would need to avert their eyes from the sight of a large ghetto booty making its living.

I know. My personality brings out the best in people that I meet. I'm such a sweet, sweet guy.

Checked on the quail about 3 hours ago to find most of them fighting. Obviously, if you are couped up in a large box, there are going to be some tussels and a desire to shake those tail feathers. To me, I stand over the box and watch these 40something birds as if it was my own version of Sims. Hang around long enough and you start giving them nicknames.

However, the quail are leaving on Friday to be set free. The farmer my dad works for will do all this. The one that I'm worried about is Gimp since his right leg is fucked along with bad feathers. It's obvious that he's not going to go far in life. I hate the cruelty of it, at times.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07