So, what all happened? To tell it all would take quite a long time and since I am still recovering from the lack of sleep and major amount of beer, I'll do my best. Just try to picture a bunch of ex-baseball players now sporting beer bellies due to lack of activity and place me, an ex-ballplayer but with major man cleavage. Just don't go giving me too much in the chest area.

A 2.5 hour drive and I end up sitting my hairless ass in a chair to watch the Olympic Trials on NBC only to find that it's the men's division. I was so stoked while driving to see my girls and who would make it. I'm such a sucker for women's gymnastics and that cute 25 year old that is being funded by Pamela Anderson.

Bald-O was in the shower but heard me pull up due to my constant need to slam the door of my car. I really can't explain my need to assert my strength but that's just one of my many quirks. The temptation to walk in the bathroom to hand Bald-O the soap was there to annoy him. However, the mythological gawds that I follow just would not allow such a thing.

Gawd, it was hot and muggy to the point that I even thought wearing shorts was hell. Sweat would pour here and there to the point that mah balls were just aching to be hosed down.

I've got a lot of mosquito bites thanks to those little critters finding their way up my shorts and to the veins of my ankles. They say the female mosquito is the biter so I guess that's why I have a few bites on my "danger zone" area, so, so close to my balls that it's not even funny. The ones on my ankles itch so bad thanks to the veins being sucked.

I hope those female mosquitos fuckin' popped due to too much blood.

There was a very intense storm right before the July 4th cookout. We stayed in the trailer waiting for things to stop all while acting like spoiled kids.

"Man, I'm huuuuuuuuuuungry! Want food, now!"

Okay, maybe it was just me making those sounds due to my only meal being a hotdog. Dammit, I've got muscles that are dying to be fed so it's not just about me after helping set up the area with chairs and tables. Hedgehoggy wanna eat now!

Thanks to the storm, my windshield was cracked from a rock. Bald-O's area is caked with gravel all over so this must have been a big rock. Man, that windshield really took a hit but my insurance guy got me a new one today. That explains why I did not have my car for, oh, about 4 hours. I missed mah baby.

After pigging out on a massive load of food (4 cheeseburgers, 4 corn on the cobs, barbecue dipped chicken, angel food cake slice, homemade ice cream, scalloped potatoes), the fireworks were allowed to be popped. Baby, we did it like a true mo'fo that knows his stuff!

I took to those bottle rockets like a pro due to my old high school days of driving around and firing them off out the window. 2 or 3 at a time were going thanks to my insane need to please my adoring public, the kids watching. Hell, I even attempted to let a bottle rocket from my ass (the adults laughed) but was reprimanded by Bald-O's mom. Apparently, for the kids, I had to act like a "responsible adult" by lighting and then running to a safe distance of 30 feet away. You don't wanna know how many times I almost lost my fingers from lighting M-100's (now illegal).

I'm not a big fan of buying fireworks but if someone else wants to burn money, I'll do it like a pro (just a tad bit insane but you all love me for my weird mind). I have very little fear since I saw Blondie cower once I threw a lit Chinese firecracker with a tiny wick at him.

After all the cheering caused by kids due to my firework lighting (Bald-O did some along with his little brother), I was pouring down sweat from running up and down the hill we used. By this time, mosquitos were finding their way up get to my balls. I have no idea how those fuckers did it since I wear boxer briefs that cling to the middle thigh. There was no way that my tiny heiney was exposed for it to be sucked.

At around 3am, a booze cruise was ordered. As with all of them, you have to take a piss break due to the effects of beer. Here I was standing there pissing on Bald-O's tires all while trying to make sure a mosquito did not get to my penis (those girls like to suck) when I knew those boys were gonna ditch me in the woods.

So, I zipped up fast as the doors to the truck were slammed shut and the truck took off. In doing so, I held onto the back end and jumped into the bed of the truck. I just lay there laughing at how Bald-O and Blondie thought they ditched me. Picture me just laying there in the back of the truck as they came back to look for me for 30 minutes. Fool me once, fine but fool me twice and I get you back, you fucks! Trust me. I can zip up my cock in a very fast and safe motion in case of emergency.

So, guys tend to sit around late at night wondering why they aren't getting any while strumming on an accoustic guitar. I don't know what their problems are but I've just got a bout of depression to deal with. I'll discuss this more later on.

Well, I am dog tired due to very little sleep and another busy day. I'll be back to tell you just how low I feel, Elizabeth, and more of my weekend. I missed Diaryland because I had this huge urge to let things out while down south. Weird.

*I have not had a chance to read the link yet, Maria. I'll do that soon.*

So, I hope everyone did something that involved bodily harm with fireworks. It's the only day besides Halloween where we act like "responsible adults," just not socially acceptable ones.

- - 2009-07-07

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