Where was life when it had a meaning?"

Don't ask me where Elizabeth is because I truly don't know or even care. She's been out and about with her friends or whatever and not once has she bothered to contact me. So, I guess that kiss blown my direction by Elizabeth and all those good times in the gym with conversations we had mean nothing to her. I'll admit that I'm feeling a small amount of hurt but I'm not going to invest anything into it. All of that would be a waste of time.

So, it's good to have a form of backup in times of confusion or sadness. Today, I had the night of working out and talking to Gretchen (super hot girl that works out EVERYDAY and actually loves to chat about anything), Alex (my "spotter" and overall gossip monger with dreads that look odd on a white boy but he's so full of humor), "Beyonce" (the ultra funny black woman with a huge butt that can do "The Beyonce" and stand up against pathetic black males!), and a few others. These are the main ones tonight that I kind of talked a bit too much to since I was obviously missing Elizabeth wherever she may be.

I no longer care because as I said, it's a waste of time to embrace feelings.

That brings me to a weird thing I once thought about. You know how the bad guys in movies are so cool? Okay, maybe it's just me but I love the villians to the point that I get obsessive about them. Those Jedis? Boring. Vader and Boba Fett were the shit! Werewolf movies? I'm almost always on the werewolves' side, especially Ginger in the movie, Ginger Snaps, since all girls need some toughness in 'em.

What I'm trying to point out is how so many of the villians don't care and walk around without a sense of remorse. I envied Jason and Freddy in how they didn't care about all those counselors or teens being killed. Most were pathetic, anyway. Just why does a sorority girl need to keep her high heels on while being chased by an axe weilding maniac? Death is what she deserves!

All I am saying is that I wish I didn't feel. Too many times, I have had mine not looked to as other people did what they wanted and what they did hurt me. Of course, we can discuss J and how she breaks up with me and then walks out of the classroom while all of these people I didn't know as well keep coming up to say goodbye.

*I saw J naked but the pain of going through a foreign language had the classmates and I band together. Go figure.*

All I can say is that I had a great night in the gym with people that also share my love of working out to the point that the t-shirt clings in all the right places and trips to the water fountain are every 10 minutes and we stop for nobody!

Yeah, I'm pretty down when I shouldn't be. It's hard to keep from feeling like such shit so I'm hoping the trip to my old high school will get me back up and feelings of the good nostalgia come back.

I know how The Bride in Kill Bill feels since a trip to my old high school will have the possibility of meeting my ex-friend that raped a friend of mine long ago. I've held so much anger and dreams of causing this guy we will call "Z" an extreme amount of pain. You don't realize how many times I've dreamt of breaking his arms and legs with this newfound strength within me.

Who knows? My confrontation with Z could be a touching time while I hide my anger or it could be like in Kill Bill where The Bride has that fight in the trailer with Darryl Hannah's character all while a deadly snake becomes apparent. Who says violence has to be pretty? It's the sweet feeling of revenge that makes the blood more liveable.

So, the plan for me is to hit the gym to pump up my psyche and then go to my old high school. It could all be a quiet meeting in which I happily say "hi" to familiar faces or it could be me throwing chairs and doing roundhouse kicks to a few assholes. Wish I could see the future at this time.

Then again, I'd probably buy a Lottery ticket and not be making entries here since I'd be on my own Island receiving hourly blowjobs by a Hollywood starlet needing funding since the waitressing job isn't enough. No feelings.

Oh, I did find out a weird thing. Remember that 17 year old that kept giving me major attention? Well, I found out tonight that she has an 8 month old baby. If there is one thing that can turn off a guy while the girl is ultra hot looking, it's a child. No offense to single moms but I'm not into the kid so much if it's not mine. There is no way I'd leave a woman during a pregnancy that is part my fault. I'm too fiercely loyal.

Oh, and that black guy that treats his white girl like shit due to her low self esteem? My friend, "Beyonce," wants to confront him about all this shit. Tonight, she talked to him about some issues and this guy dares to call himself a "pimp!" What a fucking prick!!! How does that make his girlfriend feel? She's basically a hooker to him and I hate how all this rappers' bullshit has infected a lot of black males in the treatment of women. It's sad how guys laugh about all of this due to a lot of women not standing up for themselves.

Beyonce and I have a hard time watching this white girl with no self esteem while this black guy uses her. I'm sure she is so happy just to have a boyfriend but nothing is better than this guy, someone that is embarassed to say hi to her and to show any kind of respect, especially while his black friends are around. Beyonce is going to talk to her soon.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07