-Jenna Jameson

I love the wit and wisdom of Jenna Jameson, a porn star that just about everyone knows. I'm probably one of the few guys that can honestly say I've only seen 1 actual video with her but she definitely made a lasting impression. Wanna learn how to give good oral to a woman? Watch Jenna. I'm real good thanks to her.

So, today had its ups and downs, such is my life. Jethro, my dog, has not been diagnosed with cancer and the vet has no clue as to what caused all his skin to just suddenly sag. In fact, he's pretty much close to fine, being the skinny doofus. Jethro's diarrhea has even started to lessen and be at a normal poopin' experience.

*True dog owners will not laugh and giggle*

The bad news is my workout change did not go over well with myself. I'm not sure if it's the added problem of my grandpa going into surgery soon over a new pacemaker that is wearing me out or other worries. My biceps were just not into the shock I tried sending them through.

Since I am strict within myself, this workout issue will make it a little annoying to sleep tonight. I'm just passionate at improving myself or really putting myself up there that being a perfectionist can suck at times. It's really just a workout, right?

Oh, well. I did lift a total of 145 pounds in standing bicep curls more easily than last time. It's my mind that feels like shit.

So, I would like to get into my weekend that I was too tired to tell:

-Bald-O, Tuck, and Ken all went to Cancun, Mexico for a week. While in the hotel, a swinging couple came and asked them to join them for a fuck later that night. The complete drunks, Tuck and Ken, said that they would think about it.

Later on that day, my boys came across the same swinging couple in the pool. Again the people insisted that my boys come fuck this guy's wife while the husband watched. *I'm not kidding* To better intice them, the woman let the guys each feel one tit (pierced with what looks like a barbell). To really get this thing going, she pulled down Ken and Tuck's shorts to jerk them off in the pool.

*What had me laughing was just the thought of the guys each feeling one 60 year old breast (Yup, 60 years!!!) while their shorts are pulled down for this woman to jerk them off at the same time in the pool.*

A drunken Ken and Tuck went to the swinger's hotel room that night while Bald-O stayed behind. I'm thinking that he was as grossed out as I was with the image up above. Plus, Bald-O, a guy that fell asleep while a fat chick went down on him, has standards.

So, now come with me as I point out that Ken and Tuck are each taking turns having sex with this 60 year old woman doggy style. Now, the most gawd-awful thing happened that will forever haunt their lives! Ken slapped Tuck's ass while he was having his way! We will never ever let it go because it is so much fun to fuck around with a southern homophobe that he just may be gay.

My boys know I don't care whether a person is gay or straight but I sure as hell love to fuck around with their heads on this issue. You see, the guys I know are so cautious so any little possibility of gayness is a big issue.

Where was this 60 year old woman's husband? Not a surprise that he was in the corner jerkin' himself off. I'm not sure what sight he was seeing when 2 chunky guys are standing there with condoms on their dicks along with massive amounts of body hair on one to the point that he looks like Austin Powers squared but I guess that'll do it for him.

Oh, I'd like to add that when Ken and Tuck took turns on this doggy style, they would high five each other to switch. Ken got freaked out later on so he went out to the balcony only to end up getting his dick sucked by this woman. I'm sure she paused to take her dentures out.

I could not believe the guys did this but you've gotta remember that they were really drunk. Cancun and tequila are everywhere so there is no one without the other. At least, it brought 2 guys much closer and extremely embarassed on the ride home.

Bald-O and Hedgehoggy: "A 60 year old woman with sagging pierced tits that fell to the ground that wanted to swing!?!"

Hedgehoggy: "I'm sure her twat smelled like Ben-Gay."

I could never do something like that. I've been in a threesome but that was so long ago that involved 2 girls that were roommates/best friends while we were completely drunk out of our minds. I'm just too fiercely loyal to give myself to more than 1. Plus, the sex is so much better and more intense in a relationship.

Messing with guys that are homophobes is so much fun! I just hint lightly that they may be turning gay and voila! They get confused and start to pace the room while muttering to themselves.

Priest: "Say 1,000 Hail Marys, boys, and try not to pee in the holy water fountain."

-McDonalds is my savior! Their $1 Menu has double cheeseburgers for a dollar each so I much have had 8 while at Bald-O's. Cheap and easy is my motto for my days off of keeping myself as a temple. Could have been all the beer that made me do it. I visit McDonalds each time I go south since it's the only time I really lose sight of things.

"If we didn't go crazy every now and then, we'd go insane."

-My beard is gone, completely gone. Bald-O and I played around with it by me shaving portions off here and there. I gave myself "porkchops" and we got a picture. Gave myself a goattee and took a picture. Gave myself a mustache and took a picture. Last, I gave myself a Hitler 'stache and took a picture while I saluted. Yeah, we have a demented sense of humor so go fuck yourself if you find us too much of an outlaw. I hate Hitler but I'm wondering if Wal-Mart developing my pictures has more of an issue.

-Ever heard your grandma cuss? Well, Bald-O's parents came by with pics of their trip up North. In one of them was a picture of his dad under the caption: "Judge Pusey" from someplace.

Well, once conversation was taking place, I just blurted out, "Why don't we ask Judge Pusey ("Poo-sey")" only to have Bald-O's grandma think she was correcting me by saying "Pussy" directly to me. I was in shock that she said that along with Bald-O's jaw dropping. There's just something about a woman of that age doing that. Good times while playing Dominoes there that day, huh?

-So, Bald-O and I have resorted to wearing "beer hats." When we finish a case of beer, we have to wear it on our heads while watching TV. Those that are creative......(ahem)....take a knife and make it into a better shape. Mine was what I *thought* to look like a crown but a sober morning later showed it looked more like a Abe Lincoln's hat with daggers pointing up. Beer makes us come up with unbelievably stupid shit! I miss college life in the dorms.

-So, all in all, there were barrel runs in which Bald-O takes his truck out to the field and we dodge giant hay barrels late at night. Even some deer stopped to watch us along with a fox.

Bald-O's dog, Blue, came into the trailer but had to be kicked out due to being too hyper AND knocking over our giant pyramid of beer cans. That's a big no-no since it's kind of like an artist's canvas being ruined.

I'm guessing that you as a reader do not understand Bald-O and I but just picture that one friend that has been with you through your best and worst moments in life. That's us and we're so alike but very different that makes us great together.

A friend from the dorm once said:

"Whenever Bald-O and you are together, we know there's gonna be trouble. You two will always be friends."

Oh, I almost forgot something. In Bald-O's mom's garden, there was a baby bird nest complete with 4 babies in a tomato plant's center. It was so nice to see these little ones sound asleep while their mother kept a close eye on us from the tree. Of course, I got 1 picture to add to my massive scrapbook that I took with me south. I'm guessing that I'm the only one that believes that seeing baby animals makes me all gooey inside.

- - 2009-07-07

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