Putting testosterone away, for most men, is difficult. Me? You can practically send me out the door with a purse.

So, to celebrate my rest period of getting back from the gym's workout of running and lifting, I watched Lifetime's Merge show. Basically, it's about a couple that let a show take over their home/apartment and then totally change it over. I loved it and was quite impressed with how the place was redone but why did this guy need Rocky posters? Ugh.

*Did not pick up too many decorating tips but I do have an idea as to what I want for the living room table and that be one that has a light in the center in case a drunken friend has problems finding a loose bucket and instead pees on the floor.*

I had the weirdest question and that is how do you feng shui porn? I mean, there are people that watch all of these decorating shows but need to know how to keep their porn collection from taking away excessive energy. "Hustler" and "Big 'Uns." Discuss amongst yourselves.

I'm not a big porn person since all I have is an enormous collection of Playboy Magazines that date back to 1979 thanks to many years of collecting them from various places. Most are poly-bagged and in mint condition so I will sell them one day or place each issue on a wall as an artsy fartsy piece that will have uber feminists hating me. Controversy breeds discussion.

On that table I just told you about will be THE book, Madonna's "Sex" book that came out a while ago. It took me a while to track that fucker down but a lone bookstore had a copy so I had to outbid for it. Added another since I want one to be completely wrapped up like it came. That opened one will be for everyone to see and say:

"Vanilla Ice!!! How could he have stooped so low?"

It's always good to visit a celebrity's past that has embarassing photos or essays but Madonna made this book out of pure great timing that I admire that. When visiting my someday place, beware of nudity since I have so many artbooks that you'll be confused as to how an ex-athletic idiot like me actually thinks instead of crashes into things.

Found out my Japanese t-shirt, complete with Japanese lettering, actually says, "Beware Of Perverts." I'm not kidding and I am quite happy with this since now I can tell people that ask me what it means. The picture is used on subways because Japanese men are known to finger up women's short skirts. Disgusting but weird.

Am wondering why I suddenly get zits. All summer, I spent not having one on my face but now I've got 3, one near my upper lips, 1 next to my left nostril, and the other is lower chin area. 1 is kind of painful since it just can't be squeezed yet. I blame the excess heat caused by the college students cramming my gym. After walking in there, I start to sweat.

When I focus on what I do in my gym, the world's problems tend to wittle away. Letting all my frustrations out on picking up obscene amounts of weight is quite a nice feeling to calm my mind. Of course, I have my enemies and yes, Nick, was in there to smirk at how much weight I'm gaining on him in lifting for biceps.

155 pounds standing lift and counting..........

Alex, my fellow gym goer, gym worker, and overall Nick hater was there so I reminisced with him for a short while. It's a Friday night so I'm thinking back to high school and playing on the field under lights while bleeding like a stuck pig since some fucker stuck their fingers in my helmet. Oops, sorry. I'm getting ahead of you.

Instead of those missed Friday nights, Alex is working and I'm just fucking around to keep myself from wondering into life's issues. Trust me. Running 20 minutes on a treadmill is the longest 20 minutes of your life.

But somehow it all works out in that I watch the news as I run/walk in trying to nurse my heart back into an actual regular beat so I don't suddenly collapse on the floor with my tongue rolling out to announce that I, once again, downed a bottle of soy sauce on a dare thanks to college life's nights of drinking. It's the little things in male bonding that are life's hidden pleasures.

"C'mon! Down that soy sauce! Mike, Mike Mike, Mike!"

You only live once, right?

Right now, I am starving for a big bowl of scrambled eggs with mac n' cheese topped all over.

Since it's raining pretty heavily, the thunder crashes are a source of entertainment in that my 5 little Yorkshire Terriers cling to my mother. They'll cry out in complete terror until someone holds them as the house shakes. The vacuum cleaner is another issue.

I did give my mother an idea that my heart is not beating quite the same since I do get occasional pains. Mind you, I am a guy with 10% bodyfat and a body that creates conversation almost like my taste in artbooks. Now, my mother wants me to see a doctor and I'm not too keen on it since I know I will get a cholesterol test.

The last time I got a cholesterol test, I ended up fainting after having blood drawn. It seems that somewhere after all those needles going in me was so easy, I lost it. A little kid woke me up while I was passed out in a chair from getting blood drawn. The nurse found it strange since I didn't freak out prior.

Other blood tests:

-fainted in the elevator in front of everyone and woke up to horrified looks. Should have asked, "Who farted? That one really got me!"

-fainted in the doctor's office again later on and should have woken up slowly, tear off my shirt and then yell out that I am secretly The Incredible Hulk with a bad case of the munchies.

Is it any wonder why I cannot go to see a doctor alone? Bring out the needles and I will quietly make a place on the floor for where I will hit.

Well, I am outta here to rest up for painting a friend's house, tomorrow. If he has a huge porn collection, I'm gonna help alphabetize it and make sure it matches the whole room's feng shui feel. My payment will be a sandwich and a dance off so that I can say, "You got served!" to someone that has no clue as to what I am saying. Beware of perverts and sexually confused squirrels. Goodnight.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07