Nobody on the beach.

I feel it in the air.

Summer's out of reach."

-Don Henley

Is it any wonder why I have so low self esteem? I come home on my birthday after driving 2.5 hours only to find no greetings and not one moment in which anyone comes to say anything to me. It's sad that I know exactly what Sam of that movie, 16 Candles, felt like. All I need is a drunken Chinaman for a roommate that loses the *pronounce this word with me*..........auto-mo-bile. The many kisses from my dogs helped a smidgen.

It's nothing new, really. Last year, I complained about how I never was told a simple happy birthday and so it goes for another year. You suck it up and move on. Even PenDragon doesn't say a thing but then again, we aren't talking to each other.

Bald-O and I chatted in the chairs before I left for home today. He asked me what happens on my birthday so I bit my tongue and basically lied by saying lots of things happen. How do I explain to Bald-O that I get 3 cards and no wishes. Money takes care of everything, right?

Driving for 2.5 hours desensitizes me towards things. I didn't mind that no one on Diaryland wished me a happy birthday but I damn well hated to not feel as if it did not mattere whether I came home.

What I'm also happy about is how I am much tougher that I thought. 2.5 hours on the road driving in which I spent a lot of going over little things in my head like an argument with my PenDragon in which I will not apologize thanks to the fact that it is so small but she makes a big deal over it. If you are willing to throw away 3 years of friendship over a stupid little sentence taken out of context, then so be it. I'm tired of having people demand things from me but they can do as they please in how they treat me.

I'm wondering if I'm better off down south thanks to the way so many of these people that live near Bald-O are. He wants me to pack up my stuff and move somewhere nearby but although there is pain from living in a snobbish town, my soul is here. Too many memories and the fact that I need so much mental stimulation can be a burden on me. Once or twice a month of visiting my college friend is enough for me since visits to this amazing area find me drunk, babbling on the floor to act out events, and constantly envious of some things Bald-O has that I can never seem to find.

I'm wondering if I sound selfish thanks to so many other people with real problems like these hurricanes hitting Florida. It hurts to sit in a trailer on 40 acres of gorgeous land while CNN is showing people coming back home to nothing but destroyed houses. How can you report for a newscenter and not bother to feel sorrow? I'd rather put down the mic and ask what is needed in helping.

There's a lot of things that happened over this weekend at Bald-O's that I'd love to get into but I want to sort my mind out first. I'm also a little bit tired from my own personal issues. My birthday is but once a year! Is it that hard for my parents to actually acknowledge more so than with money?

Yeah, the materialistic side of me will surface all due to seeing the amazing ads for the DVD of The Punisher, a movie I loved. Thoman Jane did this character some major justice and seeing him pull back that bow while on the hunt showed good form. I should know since I am an archer as well.

People kept asking how Thomas Jane got that Punisher body but not me. I've got something similar so I know there is no magic fucking pill to take and poof! Look a six-pack! You've just gotta give it your all in the gym at each shot you have. Sweating aint pretty but the adrenaline pump is incredible.

Of course, I am also getting Ginger Snaps: The Beginning all due to my secret love of Ginger, played by Katherine Isabelle. Bald-O thinks she's ugly but I admire sass on a girl that actually thinks. You could also add the fact that there are werewolves in a movie that bases itself on a fort surrounded by the beasts. Gawd, I would so love to be a good werewolf ridding the world of it's ilk such as murderers and rapists but stopping to pee in my neighbors' flowerbeds.

Quite a surprise in finding the newest version of Resident Evil's Special Edition containing some cool features. I'd love to see the alternate ending to this fine as wine flick all due to great cinematography and a soundtrack that will blast your ears off. Zombie movies don't play pretty so metal is the way to go.

*Funny how I don't even like metal music much but love it in fast action flicks and the occasional massive shoot out*

I'm not sure how I came upon the TV show, What Not To Wear, but as Seinfield said:

"Men don't want to know what's on TV. They want to know what else is on."

Here I was sharing the pain of this boxer/wrestler that has trouble finding clothes that fit his athletic frame. Button down shirts are just not wide enough, at times, for me. T-shirts have to be stretched in order for me to get my arms in them. My chest really sticks out a bit too much as if I've stuffed a barrel down there. The nice thing is when bouncers in bars ask about your workout habits or when people nod in respect while in the gym thanks to being considered at the top of the food chain there. However, I do not want to be that noticed!

We all want attention but I don't want it that much. It's fucking hard to find shirts that hide a chest that bench presses a bit too much for the average human but not quite in superhero range. *If this is making me sound a bit too arrogant, please, tie me up in a burlap sack and beat me with a stick.*

Oh, that does bring me to something that happened over the weekend that I would love to get into. I swear there are nights where I find myself feeling like I'm a novelty act but in a good way because I bring about conversation.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07