-George Bush

You see? That's what happens when you let a former drunk now turned religious turd read his own personal thoughts. I'm pretty sure that statement is illegal, George, and the women suddenly "touched" a bit too intimately would like to have a word with you. Gawd, there were people clapping at this statement!

It has been an amazingly busy day, today, all thanks to many, many errands. I've just recently spent some time on the floor going over pictures to send to someone here on Diaryland and found myself a bit more open-eyed. I have that much stuff in my room!?! It's just different seeing things from another possible perspective.

Yes, I did get Resident Evil, Ginger Snaps, and blah, blah, blah. My greed for more movies that satisfy the inner desire to feed off inner horror desires raves on. I've also made a vow to slow down and catch up with my DVDs.

What I did do is watch the previews of things, especially Ginger Snaps and Resident Evil. What I was dying to see is the new theatrical trailer on this new Resident Evil DVD but no-no. Not available. Only the old one.

Ah, I looked closer once I got past the alternate ending of Resident Evil (Milla walking towards The Umbrella Corporation's baddies and then pulling out a big gun to blow them away-nice but not as effective) to find Fangoria's treat of seeing a long scene of Resident Evil: Apocalypse. They showed Milla's breasts! I'm shocked but we do get an explanation for her character, Alice's super powers. Go, Alice, go!

Thanks to all that sent me birthday wishes in emails, cards, and all. I knew people wouldn't forget me since this long weekend has had us want to forget work and just have fun with music, sex on the beach, and eating rich foods only to force us back into work and the gym.

E sent me an e-card so I'll thank her in person once I see her. Thanks to Maria and the rest! It all makes me wish I had kept my mouth shut on the whining.

Alright, my weekend down south:

Okay, I had a great weekend down south with Bald-O. Some was a bit sketchy in that I kind of scared myself with my own actions but read on........

There was a massive party out in the middle of a cornfield area, home of Brad. His birthday is the same as mine so it felt kind of weird to share an event being that I've got my own on my mind as well.

After everyone telling me that they loved my new t-shirt ("Hang Out With Your Wang Out") we got into some mighty fine grilling on the grill and cards while meeting Tuck's new girlfriend. Apparently, that 60 year old in Cancun that I mentioned just didn't do. Bald-O made me keep quiet about that tag team doggy style match-up.

"What happens in Cancun, stays in Cancun."

Of course, Brad arrives and the party really gets kicked into gear. The DJ with a hat that resembles Slash of Guns N Roses played some.......interesting songs. Mind you, this is a 50 year old grizzled guy that enjoys every music, even rap.

"My neck

My back.

Lick my pussy

and my crack."

I've learned that songs like this send girls up to dance on the floor more so than The Eagles' "Hotel California."

Most of my time was spent hanging out with this DJ marveling at his song selection, smoking 2 cigars, and drinkin' while talkin'. Ya gotta speak south down there, baby.

As we all know, alcohol makes a boy pee........a lot. Every 10 minutes, you'd find me on the side of the barn since walking all the way into the house is, like, so far. Other guys would be out there as well but mostly it was just me. I fear for the cars parked on the front yard because I saw A LOT of guys peeing on them. I have no idea where the girls at this party went to do nature's calling.

So, what happened was that I'm standing there taking a piss, completely drunk out of my mind. I saw a shadow move but pretty much ignored it thinking a dog or raccoon. It was a 50 something year old woman wearing a white tank top 3 sizes too small. She had been hanging all over this DJ so I got a good look at her then.

Now, what had me a bit perplexed was that this woman was rolling around but stopped to watch me pee. I'm not kidding! I've never known a guy peeing as being entertainment to women but whatever floats her boat, huh? I didn't care since plenty of women have seen my penis.

Bald-O was laughing over this as I demonstrated how this 50 year old woman stared at my nice steady stream of water/beer leaving my system. It's weird since I've never heard of girls wanting to see guys pee.

There were a couple fights. The first was between Brad and his girlfriend. He picks his birthday to go at it with his girlfriend!?! Bald-O and the boys had to subdue Brad by talking this drunk out his clothes and into his itty bitty blue bikini undies. Hence my giggles. It's obvious that Brad's girlfriend has no say in his style.

The second fight was between a high schooler that shows up (we get a lot of those down there) and wanted to start shit. Gawd, I so wanted him to start it with me since I was drunk and ready for a good fist fight. Adrenaline was really high from a good time, okay?

Oh, the girls that I met on past visits down south sure hit on me! Remember that birthday girl last November that wouldn't take her eyes off me even when her boyfriend was there? Well, she wraps her arms around me as soon as she sees me dancing with another girl.

*Grrrr*

I'm just not into a girl that has eyes for other guys while with someone else. The compliment to Bald-O on that November visit from her was nice ("He is so good looking")but I believe in fierce loyalty. The sex wouldn't be great thanks to the lack of passion.

What I am not proud of is how I got back to Bald-O's trailer. I am 3 sheets to the wind sick from way too many beers (my hand was never empty of one) dying to throw up around 4am. Bald-O is pretty bad as well but he drove. Yes, he drove while I practically hung my head out the window moaning. Worst moment and completely stupid that I feel bad about since Bald-O could have caused an accident and hurt someone besides just us.

Yeah, I passed out in the trailer after many close calls of throwing up. It's hard to keep up with southerners because I am just not a hard drinker. It could also be all the girls that recognized me from the past and tussled with my spiked hair to say hi.

Most of Sunday was recovery process even though there was another party, a pool party. No way. I felt bloated and disgusting after waking up around 12pm. No hangover but I just did not need another reason to embarass myself with my choice of ride home. I still have no idea how Bald-O drove 16 miles like that.

While Bald-O's outside working on pulling the old barn back onto its foundation with his dad helping, I stayed indoors with his mom. We get along splendidly while viewing The Hulk on a 55 inch TV screen. Little did Bald-O know that I showed the massive scrapbook to his mother, complete with college pics of doing beer bongs and other schenanigans like posing in undies. Were we really that weird or just lost back then?

Editor: "That is a very debatable question and I'd say you were so out of your goddamn mind that......"

Overall, it was a nice weekend to be away from home and its usual issues. Yeah, I came home to no birthday wishes but I'm over that. It's not like I've experienced this for the first time so....

I learned that I can still dance after 10 beers while holding a camera steady.

I learned that guys look like a complete mess in little blue bikini briefs.

I learned to not park a car in an area designated as "pee zone central."

I learned that there are some guys that love every kind of music and they make the best DJs while kinky lyrics are heard very loud.

I learned that there are some girls that remember me thanks to naughty thoughts or my weird impressions left on earlier visits. My hair was a mess from being tussled one too many times.

I learned that my goofy personality brings out the southern in me.

I learned to look for women rolling around on the ground in a drunken stupor so I don't pee in front of them OR on them.

Oh, I could go on but why? Life is too short to overthink things and I feel pretty fucking good! This is my time of year. Plus, that cute tiny girl that I walked away from while going through a depression was in the gym tonight. Now, that is what I'd love to see.

I'm sorry if this is a long entry but there was so much to tell and I've even got more. Busy boy, today, huh? I'll be back to let my issues on porn out soon. It seems Sara made a good statement that sparked a fire in me. Props! I got props as well because people either hate me or love me. Goodnight.

- - 2009-07-07

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Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07