-The Punisher

I'm not sure where I am going with this but I've got a lot of issues within that seem to just come right back up to the fucking surface. As I said to my mother a couple hours ago: "This has been one shitty year."

The funeral for my grandma will be on Saturday and I will, obviously, be attending. She wanted something small so a church will not be of use, just a small dark funeral parlor attended by family. It'll be weird seeing myself all in black since I don't wear it as much even if it is a good color to me.

So, I learn from my parents that my grandmother died of either a heart attack or stroke yesterday. The horrible thing is that I forgot who this woman was all due to not having seen her in so long. My dad has some major problems with his parents since his dad beat him or something like that. It's been a while since I've gotten into it with him on his relatives but I don't want to hear his story on how he wiped his butt with cornstalks again.

It's strange and selfish of me to say that my grandma's death really decided things for me as to my weekend. I was possibly going south again since one of the girls down south was throwing a birthday party for herself. You know me. I just can't seem to avoid getting on a train destination for fun. Nope. I'm going to a funeral on Saturday and then to study for my test that is due on Monday. I'm gonna be the guy that's fucked in black.

Funny how I returned from the gym just as my parents had gotten back from helping with arranging the funeral for Saturday. Normally, I would be scouring the town or bookstores for more of my multi-media needs but as I said before, I've got 5 dogs that desperately need me.

Just darkening the room to show how I feel, numb thanks to all that has gone on around me. Pop in my DVD of The Punisher and see my spirits slowly rise! Now, this guy (Frank Castle) knows how I feel. Let out all that built up violent energy to bring back a sense of relief. I feel as if I could watch The Punisher 4 to 5 times a day just to see a great story take effect. Gawd, I'm such a gloomy pug that needs to put 'em all in a paper bag and set it on fire with dog poop on the neighbors' doorstep.

My only relief was doing 100 push-ups all while keeping my cool. Yeah, there is an anger inside as to what is going on around me for 2004 but for now, it's on hold.

This is going to be truly honest or some fucked up thinking but this is the time I wish I was involved in a truly worthwhile relationship. As I told someone once before, sex releases a lot of tension within me. For instance, I do miss making love to Kristan after a powerful workout that found us both with veins pulsating and her being wet in more places than just the usual.

When I make love, I tend to put body and soul into it. There is no just going for an orgasm and then falling asleep. I'll do what no man dares to do..........Cuddle! I know. It scares me, too, since I look like the kind of guy that would put his fist through a glass window just to get some jelly beans.

Kristan knew my need for sex at all the right times. True lovers do that so she understood why I would be gently rubbing the tip of my index finger along those sensitive pink parts down there while kissing her neck. Kristan was always wet and welcomed my need to release tension by "drinking" from her. Gee, how can a girl say no to that?

It's hard to explain but a complete tension build-up just makes me want to escape by putting all my emotions in love making. To me, the juices within the vagina will ease the ache surging within me. For some, it's music but to me, it's sex. Weird, no?

Funeral parlors scare me. It's much too quiet for my tastes since I believe that death is not the end. I'm more of a reincarnation kind a guy that wants to come back as Keira Knightley's bicycle seat but we'll keep that between ourselves. Hopefully, I will be lost in thoughts as I sit there awaiting to pay my respects to my grandma.

Just how do you hold back certain emotions when the person was a reason for a lot of angry times?

Well, I am outta here to finish The Punisher. I've seen it before but if you are watching as well, I'm on Chapter 11. Doesn't John Travolta know bad guys a bit better than most of his other characters? Loved his death scene so I imagine he'll come back as a car.

Me? I'm loving the thought that I could be The Punisher, an ex-Navy Seal with a body like that retired on an Island all while keeping this here ol' body as fit as it is. That's just something I get from personal accomplishments and a loving wife.

Editor: "It'll never happen since you are doomed for life."

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07