-10 minutes after I woke up, I made my way into the kitchen where 2 of my Yorkies were holed up, Ellie-Mae and Jethro. When I opened the fridge's door, Ellie-Mae threw up on my feet. It was a nice feeling of suddenly having wet toes that just made me feel all happy inside. Ellie-Mae and I looked at each other but no explanation as to why my feet needed puke dispensed on them. Great start of a day!

-When I pulled into the mall's parking lot, I noticed a bunch of police cars and a bomb disposal unit. My first thought was, "THEY have arrived! I'm needed to help defend our mall from those that have a softer side in their visit to Sears (located right next to where the bomb disposal unit was). Way cool! I want to be on the news like Bruce Willis's cowboy character from Die Hard. Must think up uber cool quote that beats "Yippee-Kai-Ay.""

I'm serious in that I was suddenly shocked to find so many police cars and a that bomb disposal unit but suddenly dimayed. It was all a day for police to get to know the public blah blah blah. If the cops were supposed to be so nice then how come they ignored me when I went up to the booths to chat? False advertising sucks.

Nothing major since I'm on dogsitting duty. It was Day 1 of 2 days. At least, tomorrow's will be a bit better thanks to most of my major errands being done. To be truthful, all I am looking for is a pair of jeans since I've had it with my mother making fun of the ones I wear due to all the holes. Well, I like the holes n' shit since some are located near my ass. Every person needs to know the color of Calvins I'm wearing each day.

Having not bought jeans in over.......2 years makes me kind of nervous. The fact that I get settled in to pairs and never want another one is my problem. The ones I love have so many holes that were earned while in college that they become a part of me. My wardrobe has mostly been cargo pants with a side of jeans every now and then. Oh, did I ever tell you that I love pockets?

Of course, the antique thingee was at the mall so that was my reason to sell my soul to money swindlers in a Republican's temple. Looking at old things makes me long for the good old days when black people had gold teeth and I wore funny little cartoon characters on my underpants.

I *think* I had Ewoks on my balls, once.

What did I get? Got a few Playboys that I thought I didn't have. Turns out I did so my day of feeling like I got a good deal turned to mush. The only highlight was getting the Playboy with the first Cindy Crawford pictorial. I'm probably the only guy that can say I didn't buy it for Cindy but for the photographer, Herb Ritts. His black and white pics are impressive and always in the windows of my eyes. Did you know Herb got a good start when he photographed his good friend, Richard Gear?

So, I am going back tomorrow since I've come up with a sudden need for the movie poster for A Nightmare On Elm Street. I'm thinking it would be a good picture to have in my future place since I'll have a major amount of them to display. Many are loved for a reason and yes, I was scared to death after first seeing A Nightmare On Elm Street. Who wasn't?

Editor: "Freddy's just a joke now. He coulda been a contendor! Damn the movie studio people!"

Of course, I was awoken quite early due to the roofers that came to finish up our roof. Loud and there was no way I could sleep past 7:30am. That's when I was forced to pee with a swollen penis and then get my feet puked on by my lovely dog, Ellie-Mae. Wonderful start, I tell ya.

This has got to be the yuckiest Google ever. Someone found my diary under "Soiled Tampon Picture." Oh, if there is someone that really needs to get out of this yucky zone, that is the one. I've never seen a used tampon and hope I never do. Can you believe that there are people that will suck on them and I've recently read that some lesbians like to go down on each other during periods!?!

My parents are home but will be gone early tomorrow morning to continue cleaning out my late grandmother's house. It's so bad that they haven't even made it to the kitchen! The woman never cleaned or cared for anything. My mom did inform me that there are pictures so she's going to try and bring some back that will be added to my massive scrapbook.

The kicker is that I may have a new car. My grandma's has only 37,000 miles on it while mine has close to 88,000. We'll see but I'm happier that it could possibly have a stereo (tape deck!!) for me to listen to. Yessirree, having a little of Don Johnson's "Heartbeat" and AC/DC's "Highway To Hell" is a mixture that only a true freak can deal with. Think people cower when they see Marilyn Manson? Wait'll they hear my music selection!!!

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07