I've always laughed at my restroom experiences thanks to this being my second tour. It's always been the same fucking thing that someone decideds to take a dump first thing in the morning to prepare for their shift. Always. Yes, I try as hard as I can to hold it while the other person (or persons?) just can't wait to drop trou at work and avoid 15 minutes with some "quality time." I am home.

Gawd, waking up at 4:45am thanks to my constant checking and rechecking of the alarm drove me crazy. I got very little sleep as I lay there wondering why I just cannot fall. It's either my odd bedtime of shortly after midnight or I just cannot deal with my new sleep hours. It's a bitch that I must deal with because I came home from work groggy and in dire need of a foot massage. At least, my dogs licked my toes part of my wish was granted.

Editor: "Good thing you didn't dream of gettin' blown!"

Work is work. It's lightly more fun thanks to not running into my dreaded nemesis, Crotch Rot. Of course, I could do without my morning pooper person but that's just being too picky. Last year, I had Crotch Rot to deal with during most of my work hours but this year, it looks to be nil. My favorite supervisor, Doug, will be leading the way! Hooray for really skinny white guys that live in the store! Hooray for Doug being too busy to keep track of me.

Not that I goofed off. No-no-no. I did sit on the baler for a few since I am just too fast and efficient on my clean up duties. Cardboard is my specialty in getting to the baler. The first part of my morning is getting the trash out of the parking lot. A tear was shed while seeing how much shit the white man has left behind. I was quite happy to not find condoms, tampons, or used diapers. People just chuck that shit right into our parking lot and if I catch someone doing this, I'll smear the contents all over the windshield.

Some nice things did happen at work. Someone left a tiny little green frog toy that is just too cute (sorry if I sound too feminine but I work with girls and ended up talking to Brianne.......again) to leave there. Into my pocket the little green frog goes! It is now sitting on top of my TV where he (his name is "Da Nuge") enjoys the following TV shows:

-America's Next Top Model (frogs love good catfights and sudden thong appearances shown by women with no cleavage but a taste for lettuce)

-Veronica Mars (Interesting show that Da Nuge saw and just might be hooked on)

-MTV's Cribs (Holla if you've got nothing being shown in da house! Da Nuge would like to shit in Ja Rule's house when he gets that explosive diarrhea feel we all know and love.)

"Talk Nerdy To Me"

These were the words printed on a guy's t-shirt that I work with. I got a case of the giggles each time I passed him while working since I love this wording. Of course, I also love t-shirts with a unique way of expressing things. What I really want is to have "Talk Dirty To Me" and find people yelling out: "Dirt!" "Soil!" "Mud!" "My undies!" Okay, maybe it's not that funny.

Well, I drove my new car for the first time today. Of course, it's not necessarily a new car but my late grandma's. It's a 93 Dodge while mine was a 96 Chevrolet Cavalier. My sole reason for changing is that my car has close to 84,000 miles but the 93 barely has 26,000 on it. However, I still have issues.

My grandma's car smells awful! It's like she put all of her stinky house inside it to keep all lifeforms off the road. You see, my parents are still cleaning my late grandma's house and will not be done for a long while since the woman NEVER cleaned. Never. My mom says the house is so bad that it took them a week to make it to the kitchen.

The car is now getting de-stinked somewhere and will be back tomorrow. There is still another issue and that is that it has no tape deck (I have tapes and will live in the 80's til I get my Debbie Gibson/Poison obsession out of me, k?) or CD player. Just a fucking radio, folks. Looks like it's close to that time to call Xibit and ask for him to pimp my ride because it sure is a boring car. Even a wheelchair with Satan pushing is far better.

"Get thee behind me, Satan, and push like a motherfucker!"

Some things about me:

1. I am a money racist because I detest pennies so much. The color of those damn things makes me avoid looking at them. While in my grandma's car, I realized this when I wanted to toss out any penny I found.

2. I love the smell of pumpkin pie and the latte that Brianne brought into the gym. Hate coffee but those damn things drive my senses wild.

3. My weight has been steady at 189.5 pounds. Pretty good for a guy at less than 10% bodyfat and only 5"10." Don't hit me for saying this but my fast metabolism has my weight go up and down 5 pounds so easily. Weird to me.

4. I like Eminem's new music video and don't care if Michael Jackson is upset about it. The fact that the guy admitted to sleeping in the same bed with little boys has got something to do with this. Either that or I giggle uncontrollably when the woman in the short skirt has it fly up because she supposedly farts. My humor is really in the 10 year old stage, tonight.

5. In my gym, I am practically the Slim Shady of the bunch because it's just me with a bunch of black guys that make women clutch their purses a little tighter. The sad thing is that I do The Robot to cause instant laughter and to make them lose their train of thought in lifting obscene amounts of weight. Oh, I've even mastered the black dude walk on how I'd do so in a velvet long coat and giant featered hat while carrying a cane.

6. You can never have enough thermal knit shirts. I have about 10 and all are so snug and comfy during these cold days. Only grey, black, and white colors will do on my frame. Looks good with my Mickey Mouse watch. C'mon, Mickey is gangsta'!

Well, I am just dog tired after barely getting any sleep and I have to do it all over again tomorrow. It's an odd feeling walking around a store before sunrise and then to see it appear after being in the back of the store for so long. If I look hard enough, I just might find a high enough shelf to take a nap on.

Oh, and I'd like to add on to my discussion with Brianne. She gave me her address on a card for the times she can't find a ride home (cuz we all know black guys with braids (her favorites) are so unreliable, right?) and I end up with her next to me dissing on why I don't even have a CD player. The card is from an drug/alcohol facility and I know Brianne loves to drink. Gee, I feel so goody-goody around her knowing that she lost her virginity at 14 and drinks more than I've ever done in college. Need I add that the school has a special seat for Brianne to serve her detentions? It's gonna be a long year thanks to my friends in gym, right?

Goodnight to all and to all that wake up really, really early, I am there with ya. Just be glad you don't have co-workers that just can't wait to leave a "floater" to start his/her morning. Bear with me for this has been a weird entry thanks to my new experience of not sleeping.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07