Yessirree, I walked into my nearby gas station to pay for $5 worth of gas. I curse this $1.99/gallon money sucking necessity but do laugh at all SUV owners due to the showing of their stupidity. As luck would have it, the gas station clerk was decked out in full St. Louis Cardinal gear. A smile crossed my face.

"Look, ma, what they did to my clerk!!!"

Nothing gets me more riled up than a good old fashioned show down on sports teams. Okay, I do get all hot over my Air Jordan shoe obsession that everyone makes fun of me for but I'm as human as Billy Joel's little car accidents.

So, I looked at this guy in full Cardinal gear, complete with baseball jersey and matching hat. Me? I was wearing my Boston Red Sox hat but hey, I was doing my b-boy impression by wearing it backward. A shout to my boys up there! My smirk turned into a little lip action when I stated, "Red Sox!"

No response. None. I was hoping for a good old fashioned shouting match that may end up with a torched gas station and hamsters running off with cash and many slurpees thanks to them saying no to this carbohydrate downfall. What can I say? I'm simple and want my battles to end up with rodents taking over.

Hamsters: "Victory is ours! We shall annoy these petty humans by running on our squeaky wheels to keep them awake at night and leave little pellets in their shoes. Gotta watch out for them fucking cats, though. Hmmph."

Ah, but today was a first. Now, don't you hate uniforms? Many itch and look completely tacky in design or they just plain clash with what you are wearing underneath. Well, I had to wear THE red uniform for the first time even if this is my second tour working for this place. Mike get all sad n' stuff because I like the free feeling of just a plain old white cotton t-shirt that allows me to express myself with my nipples clearly on view. I just like to tell everyone how cold it can be with nature's thermometers.

I *think* I am going to have my mother take a picture of me in the red uniform just to look back at the good old days of how I embarassed myself for low pay. By hey, good things do come out of my job in that I realize that I do have more tolerance for people that smell bad. Maybe, I should see about those job offers to Iraq in helping protect this great country of ours that calls Paris Hilton an author, huh?

Work is work. Blah, blah, blah. I've finally found a secret hiding place when I feel the need to just sit. You see, there are times I am not needed but the supervisors feel one must walk around all fucking day. No excuses. Apparently, the fact that my job consists of me waiting on the work of others does not matter. I've tried the usual things such as singing bad pop songs or playing hide n' seek with the security cameras or a grill that somehow found it's way into the storage room (all I need is some meat and I be cookin'!).

So, I sat there for a good 5 fucking minutes and came so close to being caught. Whoo! Good thing I prepared earlier by coming up with an excuse in my mind if just that event would happen. "I was moving carts out of the way." My supervisor looked stunned but had no reason to be too suspicious.

-No marijuanna smell.

-No sudden pool of drool from sleeping on that hard cement floor.

-My pants were fully on.

Nothing like causing your supervisor to get all confused with wondering why the fuck I was in a different section of the storage area. Besides, she was just coming back there to tell me I was on break for 15 minutes. Wow! A full 20 minutes to myself at that point! Wish I had done pull-ups on the iron shelves but I'd get all sweaty and hunky.

People I'd like for president:

-Jon Stewart

-Bill Maher

Why is it that these guys, pretty much considered comedians, are the best we have to run this world while mean old people with no clue as to how backwards their ideas are are our choice for leaders? Just how difficult is it to admit that homosexuals deserve the right to marry? Censorship is unAmerican so we should accept the good with the bad even while some little religious fuck demands it to be completely banned since it causes his/her eyeballs to itch. Why can't we have a president that bombs the right bad country? I could go on but Jon and Bill could show this dying country a thing or two about life.

Well, sorry for not being all goofy and sexual but I'm dog-tired still thanks to the fact that I still have not adjusted to the getting up at 4:45am go to work thing. Blueberry muffins keep my hopes up since I think about them at night instead of sex. I need a hug. Goodnight.

- - 2009-07-07

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