When you are in close aproximaty with co-workers, you tend to learn about them or just be plain fascinated in how they live their lives. Even the morons of our beloved Earth just seem to keep on amusing me.

What the hell am I talking about? Well, the store had its annual holiday meeting to prepare us for the onslaught of mad demented mothers in pursuit of that gift their spoiled rotten pathetic thing labeled as a "child" will be getting. Cabbage Patch Kids, Furbys, X-Boxes, and so on all were hot items at one point that stores have to deal with incredibly long lines. It's hysterical to see grown women actually get into a fistfight over a child's potential future in ownership.

Woman: *In evil demonic voice* "My daughter SHALL HAVE THAT EASY BAKE OVEN! THIS I COMMAND!"

Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself for a future entry but there was a meeting. Yes, yes, a meeting that I was forced to attend in order to stay employed at this wonderful store. *retches* Now, I got to sit in the center and watch one of my co-workers, John, pick his nose as our store manager did his usual babble that I paid absolutely no attention to because I was betting with myself whether John would eat his boogers.

John must have been a very special child because not only does he proceed to lift his stomach over his belt while sitting on a cart while everyone else is on chairs but he also smells bad. Really bad. No, really, really, really bad. Really stinky is when it's so fucking cold in the back so there is no sweat but somehow this guy just plain reeks right when he gets to work bad. Yeah, bad.

I have a thing about life in which people should smell good. Now, I take good care of myself to do so and I expect others. John does not for some weird reason. If he were to use the excuse of religious bullshit to state as to why he smells like a sack of onions, I would have to say that I should be able to smoke weed because I'm now a Rastafarian.

You see, I have a sensitive nose so stinky people bug me. I'm not just getting on other people because sometimes I really reek, too. My time spent in the gym over many summmers can really have me feeling a bit upwind but at least I don't smell like ass. Those people that smell like poo are at a whole other level that I am so not going into.

So, we learn that I have a co-worker that likes to pick his nose in front of people but damn, I lost that bet with myself because he didn't eat 'em! C'mon, John, where did they end up in the middle of the meeting? Ya know, I use that cart at work.

There is another co-worker that I have that we all know about. His name is "Serial Pooper" but I don't think he would like everyone to know that he takes his morning dump 5 minutes after work starts. What I did do was nickname him "Pretty Pretty Princess" since he works in the little girls area of the store. Funny thing about this? Serial Pooper likes this name and gets a kick out of it. So, we have Pretty Pretty Princess to talk about someday and I'd like to say that he's a great guy.

Unfortunately, I am slowly running out of people to talk to. Joe, the "Talk Nerdy To Me" guy, didn't show up for work. This was the one person I could really get into about stupid shit like TV show theme songs playing in my head like "The Facts Of Life" or "Charles In Charge." How deranged is my mind? Pretty bad according to Joe. I'm going to miss him since there is a great chance that he will be fired after not only not showing up today but also for the meeting tonight.

Crotch Rot is my enemy, the most evil villian in all that is a toystore. No one likes her and she comes so close to getting me to chew her ugly ass out in order to see those double chins move. Crotch Rot will look at me with a small amount of fear because she knows I don't need this job and will put all on the line just to clash for the hell of it. No one should have to work in fear of a co-worker and no one will cause Hedgehoggy to have a really bad day when he's already stressed out from a test.

How bad is my test? I didn't even make it into the gym. My mind is all over the place with numbers floating on hyperdrive. Hedgie really needs a hug because he doesn't want to lose his "A" standing in the accounting class.

Wanna know one thing I do to study? I shut everything out of my mind before I sleep and force myself to dream of general journal entries, numbers, and possible debits and credits all towards accounting. I know. You're probably wondering why a male is not thinking about sex but that will eventually come into play what with my swollen morning dick to notify me of the finer things in life.

Penis: "Awaken, my child. We must find woman so that I shall have a fur coat."

Then again, the image of my amusing stinky nose-picking co-worker keeps popping up. Ladies, he's single, looking for love, wears tight jeans so his belly hangs out, and has empty nostrils! Oh, I thought it was all about personality?

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07