-Saturday Night Live's wacky cheerleader

Ever had those days where you want to do absolutely nothing? Don't want to see friends or anyone? Just want to lay in bed? Eat cookies and plan finances?

Welcome to my day! I'm still a bit coughy and sneezy but much better than the previous days. All of these things with a minor bout of misery have made me not wanting to do anything. In the words of Kramer of Seinfield, "I don't yearn."

Don't get me wrong. Certain people in life would be welcome to visit. I'd love to see my boys from down south, Bald-O and Mark with his wife. Sara would be fun to curl up with. Sammy would be great to get into arguments with over Ashlee Simpson (I wanna know what YOU think) and how awful rap continues to get. Not many of the other people I know would be invited because I have very little patience for the religious folk that continue to berate me about how Jeezus died for our sins or was born recently. Zip it.

Work was a real chore today all thanks to not having much to do. The backroom is getting empty thanks to all the old stored stuff being stocked instead of trucks bringing more than we can handle. It's physically bare in parts of where I work and that's odd to me since we were so overstocked with crap. Kids gotta have their toys so white trash gotta shop. I hate working at a store in a bad neighborhood.

My dogs have always been considered either perverted (Ellie-May likes to steal underwear, socks, and bras out of clothesbaskets) but Jethro has decided to shred kleenexes every chance he gets. I've found a lot of them torn up, all coming from my bathroom. Jethro, sneaky and awfully gross in his dining on boogers.

Got sad today. MTV announced another season of The Newlyweds with Jessia Simpson and Nick Lachey. Gawd, can't we just allow these no-talents to quit dumbing down the world? I swear that if I catch a few minutes of that show, I feel unable to figure out how to open a jar. Scary but true.

As promised, I got Resident Evil 2 and Garden State. Thanks to my gift card, I got 'em both for a total of $18. Gosh, that is sweet! I'm tempted to get Open Water but I've got too many DVDs and must start being more choosy. Choosy Mike chooses too much of the weird stuff instead of the right stuff.

Editor: "Dude Where's My Car!?! Ya know people make fun of those that own that DVD?"

I wish I wasn't feeling so unapproachable but I cannot deny the fact that I am sick of being around so many people each day. Work has me surrounded by morons that think they are so funny or kiss my boss's ass. Of course, there is the witless public that cannot figure things out for themselves.

"Where are the Barbies?"

When you go into a store, things tend to be placed in sections. Don't you think that certain items will be in certain sections? I've no problem helping people but those without a single thought in their brain have me a bit wrangled and wanting to do cartwheels for making me feel so smart.

Oh, yeah, I had to mop the women's restroom so there was a bit of eerie music that played as I walked into a place known for feminine poopin' and peein'. I'm sure it helps when each stall has pictures of Cinderella and Princess Jasmine from Aladdin. Boys need the help of Shrek to take dumps because let's face it, boys want the most flushes.

You wanna know the one thing that totally creeped me out while mopping the women's restroom? There was the longest pubic hair I've ever seen just sitting on the toilet seat. Oh, man, I feel sorry for any guy that has this woman drop her panties and sees this! Ladie bugs could use it to get to Paris in a couple hours.

Funny how being back at work at such early hours has taken everyone's personalities. Mark is no longer talkative and doing rap dances. Doug's is dull but not to those that kiss ass. Yvonne is mad for some reason. Of course, Crotch Rot is the ol' ass sniffing fuck she always is. I've got a weird hunch that she's had an affair with another co-worker. Don't you just love hunches of such ill refute?

- - 2009-07-07

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