Me: "So, you're basically trying to put all the porn with the sports section, huh?"

Guy: "Yeah."

Me: "Now, that's not so hard is it?"

Yes, I am here to do my Year In Review to end this year's 2004 entries. I just cannot believe that I have made over 1,500 of 'em to keep readers scratching their heads or just plain wondering what I am on. If you must know, orange juice first thing in the morning and some Vanilla Wafers help.

For some of you, these 5 items I have decided to highlight because they got the most entries out of me. Other people already know about what happened but a trip down memory lane never hurts......except me, little ol' me.

1. J, my ex-girlfriend that just happened to be bi-sexual whom I met in class early this year. I had a feeling that this girl was really into me when she kept sitting down right next to me or looking at me so many times in class. I asked J about why she didn't just ask me out or even make a more obvious hint and got this answer:

"You look like a total jock and would say mean things to me or laugh at me."

Well, I guess all those times I spent with J in the learning lab, laughing at our lab exercises, didn't quite show her how nice I am.

Of course, I went out with J on a first date that took place on Valentine's Day. Curses! How could I have done such a thing since everyone knows that date is severely marked for those wanting to be in love again. Hell, that day is when Kristan sent a box for me as a present that contained a pair of Calvins with a note that mentions how she loved seeing my penis fall right out when she unbuttoned those infamous 2 buttons on the fly.

After a whirlwind of meeting J's ex-girlfriend (yes, you read that right in that my ex loves to be completely tacky) and having to talk to her moronic best friend (oh, how I hate her), she and I ended up at my house to have......sex! I'm not sure how I ended up doing this in my room on such a night but it happened. J seduced me with a purple (or was it blue) thong that came off quite fast after much kissing and fondling. Funny how I still remember the entry I made to announce all this on February 14th.

Naturally, when 2 people start having sex, it's so new that they keep doing it a lot. It was so much fun to finally get to use my tongue again since I absolutely love to do oral sex. Nothing beats the feeling of a worn out one while J is trying to recuperate after destroying my bed from another massive orgasm.

I've never encountered a mother/daughter team but hey, I'm always into knowing weird folks' ideals or family habits. J wanted me to meet her mom and sister one night over dinner that consisted of pizza. People, I am not kidding about this........

J's mom asked me (and this is the first thing, I swear) if I "ate pussy." I'll admit that these words coming out of a mother's mouth had me in complete shock for, oh, about 5 seconds til I ended up spending some time on the couch talking about the merits and my love of oral sex. Needless to say, J's mom was so lively about all this while J smiled right there while sitting on my lap.

Yeah, I know it's pretty weird to talk with a mother and a sister about oral sex but all of these ladies wanted to bring the topic up because they loved to receive. Hell, J's mom even decided to act out her desires with an "imaginary man." What was J doing during all this? Well, at first, she was sitting on my lap but was now trying to stop her mother from doing obscene movements that involved her crotch.

Oh, I'd like to add that J's mom just couldn't keep her hands off of me. I got my ass examined, slapped, pinched, squeezed, and whistled at. According to this woman, I was Prime A Beef. Yeah, it was a weird moment but when in Rome....just go with it.

Now, I love to spoil my girlfriends in bed since I enjoy watching them in pleasure. When J came, I saw something I had never seen before. Right above her little bush, she would form a red spot that would travel up to her breasts while enjoying her orgasm. You could trace this redness easily as it spread throughout her body while J was exhausted from destroying my bed.

So, why did J and I break up? Well, it was right after her birthday and somewhere along the time she got back from Las Vegas. I'm not even sure when the last time we had sex was since I only came once each time while she.....oh, I spoil my girls, came at least 3 times a night. J felt that we were at different paths since her schoolwork was really suffering while her mother seemed to want to fuck me. Just how do you deal with having a parent that vocally says this instead of keeping it towards herself?

J also had problems. She seemed so jealous how things were pretty much given to me because my room has so much stuff while hers consists of 100something panties. Girls gotta have underwear while boys gotta have DVDs and Air Jordans. Doesn't matter because I don't even think of J, have a picture of her, or even care to see her again. Pins and needles, nice to know you, goodbye!

2. My grandmas had a lot going on this year. First of all, my mother's mom got alzheimer's pretty bad and had to be dealt with now rather than waiting. Somehow, they got tricked into attending a nursing home rather than let my grandma hurt herself in some way thanks to forgetting that the stove was on, etc.

It was different to sit there and talk with my grandma about the same thing over and over again what with her memory receding but I'm fine with it. I'll always remember that woman that would down a beer while playing rummy and then belch.

My other grandma, from my dad's side, died near my birthday. It was hard on my dad because we had not been up there in a while. This was all of my 3rd funeral up there where my uncle's dad also died after my aunt, Carol, passed away as well. Even at such a young age, I can still remember the woman that was lost in a car accident with a deer and the guy I talked to as the Bulls played a Christmas basketball game in Chicago. I miss 'em all.

3. Brianne. Where does a gorgeous 16 year old girl come into my life? I would have told you you were lying if you had told me that I would be friends with Brianne. This girl is absolutely perfect in body and so many guys drool over her in my gym while she wears next to nothing.

It's funny how when I first saw Brianne, we were fast in talking to each other. As much as I hate to admit it, I was smitten with her because she was so hard to look away from with her looks and slight awkwardness thanks to age. Somehow, time had us becoming friends that would put away our interest and dig a little deeper into being friends. I have morales and will not take advantage of a girl that age.

However, that does not mean I talk down to Brianne. She's a great girl once you get past all the superficialness of her discussions. I cannot hide the fact that Brianne is not very smart but who am I to judge since we have fun laughing at each other or just mildly flirting.

It's also fun that Brianne takes her workouts very seriously due to a body disorder with herself. She thinks she is fat. Oh, I have to discuss with Brianne that she is not even close to this while turning her around to see all the guys that drool over her as she wears a tight white lycra that clearly show her latest thong.

I've met Brianne's mom so I know where she gets her looks from. Just ask that guy that works at my gym about her since it's the first I've ever heard of "MILF (Mom I'd Like To Fuck)." Boys say the weirdest things, huh? Well, since Brianne is like a sister to me, I take a slight offense to what that guy said.

I'm sure guys in the gym are jealous of my friendship with Brianne since we can be seen comparing hip-flexor muscles since this involves her and I opening up our shorts to see each other's pelvis connection to legs. It's all done professionally in which she knows I trim down there and I know she is completely bare. Brianne and I are weird.

4. Work. It's a complete bitch when the place that desperately needs you for the holiday season treats you like shit. My paychecks have been off a bit in how many hours I've worked. I know I've worked more than the amount they say but I'm not working for money anyway, folks. My co-workers, those that need the money, are another issue.

Of course, I've had to drastically change my sleep patterns in which I went from working at 5am to sessions that ended around 3am. I'm not even sure which one I enjoyed more but if you think this is no big deal, you try doing hours that are not within your body clock. Late nighters, try early mornings with a woman I like to call "Crotch Rot." Oh, how I completely hate that woman!

Work also brings a lot of problems with my boss, he's moody and really idiotic since he has not idea how annoying his comments are. Doug, with his massive ego on a twig-like frame, thinks the store is run so well. I'll never understand how this jackass got days off at the critical points of the year while we were forced to show up for 2 weeks straight.

Many of us have been annoyed with work and its many problems. I've become sick, something that rarely happens, thanks to a workplace that is filthy all due to my co-workers's habits. I'm shocked that this place is even in business thanks to all of the boxes containing children's toys are thrown around or clothes are worn and then replaced. It also doesn't help when our customers are mostly white trash, fresh from the trailers.

It took me a while to notice how bad work is. I picked up on little things bit by bit as weeks went by. I'm happy in all that my job is so easy, keeping the floor clear for customers, but I cannot stand it when idiots that work there make it much harder than it needs to be. Some people just do not know how to think. Period.

Of course, I did have some good times at work. We had a few pizza parties (probably paid with our missing hours on our paychecks) and I met Joe, one of the coolest guys around that I still have yet to email. Yeah, he was the guy that wore "Talk Nerdy To Me" on his t-shirt that I couldn't help but notice. Real nice guy.

I'm not sure when I am done with work. So far, I have 3 more days to add on my schedule. Geez, you'd think that annoying me would get me to just not show up but I'm far too tough for 'em. Doug, my boss, needs me real bad but my annoyance with Crotch Rot can be ignored for now. We've come so close to yelling at each other even if I welcome her to write me up.

5. Bush. How the hell does a guy that has continually fucked the world keep being looked to as Man Of the Year!?! I'm still in shock that so many people voted on a ex-drunk that decides to boast about how he "put God back in the White House" while bombing the wrong country, starting a war he cannot finish, hiding his love for greed, and destroying the environment. 4 years of hell and Bush is still here?

I'm not sure who to blame for Bush being back in leading us to extreme debt and lies hidden within a religious themed speech that somehow included steroids in baseball. It's always been my belief that religion and government should be seperate but there will always be people that follow the bible to a tee and think that we should follow something that has never been shown worthy of a cause. It's funny how people get pissed off at terrorists thanks their religions zealot system but Christians here are pretty close to this as well.

Let's not go there on gay marriage since Bush and religious fucks still think that 2 people of the same sex should not marry. Why? They think that marriage was found in the bible but their lack of wanting to study outside of robotic jibber jabber shows how out of touch they are. Marriage was used as a means for property in which, yes, women were found to be something a male owns. Of course, times do change a bit with a person being in love to wanting to share a life. Why not 2 women? Why not 2 men? Britney Spears showed how well heteros handle marriage.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07