-Manhattan

Well, first thing's first. I miss having a job so it's about time I get up and go back into the grind that I know so many people hate. Ugh, work. I've had so many bad experiences with dumb bosses or even dumber employees but we must "contribute to society" as my closest friend, Bald-O, says.

Unemployment isn't bad. I mean, I wake up when I want to but I feel awful if I don't do so before 10am. It's normal for me to allow my feet to touch the floor around 9am now that my sleep patterns are back to normal. Working til 3am really fucked me last year.

So, routines are about to be started and that will be sprucing my resume this weekend, looking at the job ads, and practicing the lying technique:

"Why do I want this job? Oh, I think it sucks but I need the money soooo bad since my ho's gotta eat."

"What are my best qualities? Well, I dunno. Most of the time I can pee straight and not on the rug. It's when the lights go out that there can be problems."

"When can I start? How about......
..NEVER! This place smells and I don't want to be a smelly person."

Seriously, I miss working. I get pretty good at routines even if I do get bored to death. The thing that kept me in line working at the toy store was a few co-workers that hated the same things I did, moronic people we had to deal with every single day. Don't get me started on the ass-kisser of a supervisor that laughed at everything my boss did for jokes.

It has come to my attention that many lonely males or the extra kinky have been Googlin' my diary under things related to watching women pee. My favorite:

"Where do women pee from?"

Alright, I took many health studies classes and that brought about a Human Sexuality class that was the illest and most fun class ever! We saw images of everything relating to both anatomies but with kink thanks to a certain student that got the class going on a discussion on blowjobs. Yes, yours truly was what a teacher wanted. Trust me. I'm going somewhere with all this.

What I am not surprised about in these googlings is that men have very little understanding of the female anatomy. Seriously. It's seen as a hole for their cocks and that's just in sight of the illiterates. The ignorants see it as only helping him achieve orgasm. The religious fuckers see it as a place to produce offspring. Oh, I love it when I get all sweet sounding!

When I was a kid in, oh, about 7th Grade, I wanted to know about the female anatomy so I read countless books on it. Diagrams, anatomy books, and, yes, I saw Hustler, Cherry, and all that on my road to depravity. No matter how hard I tried to understand, I just couldn't comprehend that women have 3 holes down there. I mean, wow! To a guy of my age, I'm having a hard enough time with just 1 but 3!?!

Now, I am not someone that ignores life so I'm a special case in wanting to know the female anatomy. It's absolutely beautiful and I have so much respect to the vagina. Artists have shown how flowers resemble its beauty and many here on Diaryland know I never use the term "pussy" to describe. Believe it or not that is one of my many nicknames due to the fact that I "share my feelings" according to Bald-O.

Unfortunately, not the same can be said for most males, even the ones I know. They know very little about the vagina as well as its contents. You'll hear men say that they will not go down on women because it is "degrading" and "disgusting" all while insisting their girlfriends find sucking their cocks as delicious.

We all know how much I enjoy going down on girls but that is not what this entry is about. It's about ignorance in that guys still think women pee out of their vaginas. I'm not kidding! Their lack of wanting to know about the female anatomy shows in how many times my diary is googled to answer some friggin' question that so many males want to know:

"Where the hell do women pee from!?!"

I've known since 7th Grade what so many 20 year old males cannot seem to fathom. Girls, you need to grab your boyfriends and tell them this secret place that they have no clue about.

The other thing I do not get that I am Googled about is why watching women pee is so erotic. I asked MR why he enjoyed seeing his girlfriend pee and got this answer:

"Because she looks so cute sitting there."

Oh, so when she sits there in class in pretty much the same position you find that sexy as well? I'm still not understanding this but whatever gets you hard is your thing, huh?

I've always found it funny in how I have been the recipient of drive-by-pee-bys. You see, there were times I would be brushing my teeth and a girlfriend would just come right in and sit to pee. Quick in and out. No one was hurt in the whole fiasco but I took notice of certain things. Girls seem to have 2 ways of being seated.

J's would be the weirdest way of sitting down to pee. She'd be completely straight and I mean straight in sitting there. Knees would be completely together and that was that. It's like a complete no nonsense method to get the job done.

The most common is the slouch as I've seen with M or Kristan. It's a look like she's physically exhausted so I'm just gonna tinkle slowly and rest at the same time. Funny. However, these girls have a major difference, their knees are really spread apart. It gave me the impression that they were immediately prepared to wipe.

Now, Jen takes the cake in peeing, folks. I was lucky enough to see the most ridiculous position taken by a girl that one day decided she wanted to see how much cum I have by taking out my penis and jerking me off into the palm of her hand. Jen was weird but my kind of weird.

Anyway, Jen had a practice of not sitting down but having her ass at an angle above the seat. Yeah, she'd pee like this because she did not want to sit on the same seat her roommates had been using. I'm sure I'd be the same way if I had to sit all the time in restrooms but Jen was not shy about doing this in front of me that 1 time. 1 fucking time was all it took for me to witness something I did not want to know, girls sprinkle on the seat.

To be fair, Jen did sit down only when it was early in the morning. Sleepiness brings about a different side of her that causes her to forget about the freaking out of germs. Girls are weird.

Only 1 girl has ever seen me piss and that was Bald-O's sister. A bunch of us were on a booze cruise on the backroads. We had to take a piss so bad so it was all 7 of us that had to get out. Since the truck was surrounded by guys peeing on it (we have to have a target), I just decided to go in the middle of this gravel driveway. Bald-O's sister went behind a small shack but finished quite fast since I was still going by the time she walked in front of me. Yes, she looked down but had a sly smile on her face.

I've heard a lot of stories relating to this subject from many girls that lived in dorms. On a drunken bar crawl, some girls peed on a rival girl's door in the middle of the night. Or the stories on why female dorms' restrooms are grosser than the males'. Isn't that funny how men are getting more and more domesticated while women have started to forget?

I'm so glad that all I have to do is unbutton my pants, unzip, and let my cock fall out to pee. No sitting down and then wiping. Our only issue is The Shake. Some guys actually hop up and down as you'll see in restrooms while walking in. Seriously. I just shake.

However, we males do have a problem. When we are drunk with out pals, schenanigans happen. You don't wanna know how many times I've been pushed while pissing. Revenge is sweet when Bald-O or Blondie gets it so bad after I've pushed them back and that they end up peeing on themselves. Shirts are untucked or the guys have to wait it out til they dry.

So, guys, get an anatomy book of some type. Look up the female's and really learn about it. She'll appreciate it when you to get that opportunity to show her how much you not only know but that you know where to tongue and rub. Just slowly get into telling her that you would like to watch her pee in the cat's litter box since that is not something you should bring up unless the sex-life needs some kink. If she thinks the request is too out there, just tell her how nasty the Germans are in their porn desires.

- - 2009-07-07

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