-Kenny Chesney (I know. I'm not a big fan of him but I cannot get that CD title out of my head since I found it in Bald-O's truck.)

So, I am back from my little quiet trip down south to see my bestest friend in the whole world. We've been through so much together, good and very bad moments. Most of them have been exciting and quite unpredictable but we really have grown up. It's just that everyone else does more of the growing up than us. Bald-O and I still enjoy being playful while others bore themselves with families or too many responsibilities.

This wasn't the usual party filled drinking down south that I normally attend. Bald-O teaches 5th Grade and on Wednesday one of his students died from an ATV accident. I knew what I was getting into before my visit but I just had to go, solemn or not.

For the first time in a long time, I watched the Super Bowl all by my wittle lonesome, just me with a 46 inch high definition TV. Bald-O's parents place was where you were to find me from 4:35pm til around 9pm. While they went to the wake, I watched the most boring of Super Bowls. No tits or many funny commercials. This outcry over a nipple sucked so any religious fuck bitching over the Teletubbies or whether a cartoon character (Sponge Bob, anyone?) is gay needs to be burned at the stake.

We all associate the Super Bowl with commercials but I only remember 1, the one with the guy working with monkeys that like to smell each other's butts. How can you not like monkeys?

I'm just not the type to sit around and be sad n' stuff all the time. Before the wake that ended up being over 3 hours thanks to the whole small town being there, I showed Bald-O some really funny porn sites on the Net. Never thought I'd be showing a dad but his father joined in and laughed at the sight of naked beauty. What is this world coming to when you enjoy the naked splendor of the female form with a father looking over your shoulder?

Editor: "I think I like it!"

I'm not a selfish individual so I was quite understanding of me watching the Super Bowl alone thanks to a wake being at the exact same time. I sat there in a chair for those hours playing an accoustic guitar (very badly) and making out with Bald-O's parents' dogs. Dogs just love it when you play any kind of song so even in the canine variety, chicks dig a guy that can wield a mean ax.

Of course, I did get pretty trashed once Bald-O came back from the wake. Now, we just could not let 30 beers kept cold in the back of his truck thanks to rain go to waste. Nope, after 7 beers, Hedgehoggy was pretty damn LOUD and making new sounds out of his mouth. Just why do conversations get more interesting after so many beers? Hell, I even showed some new dance moves I learned off of Napolean Dynamite (must see to believe).

Boys are so weird when they get together after missing each other for so long. It's just hard to explain the male mind in how we don't necessarily want to talk about it but we just know. Most of this could be seen when I pulled up to his trailer on 40 acres of land (pond, hill, and big-ass garden) since both of us had these huge smiles on our faces.

Typical southern talk:

"Whatcha doin'?"
"We've got 24 beers in the back, full stomachs, a crazy dog, possible farting, and it's 17 miles back to the trailer. HIT IT!"

Of course, I also got to see Bald-O's sis whom I used to have an amazing crush on long ago now married. I may not be into kids quite as much as other people due to my fear of them or my own selfishness but I've gotta say that she has a really cute baby girl. Bald-O's sis, Crystal, came home to find that this little angel pooped and decided to wear it.....all of it. According to what everyone told me, she was covered in it. Needless to say, Crystal was not happy and no funny pictures were taken to remember this magical moment.

Evil Mama in the Goonies: "Kids suck."

Ever seen that critically acclaimed murder mystery, The Swimming Pool? Well, I loved it and figured out the ending quite easily but I just had to have Bald-O see it due to his lovely commentary on female breast sightings in film.

Well, I wasn't surprised to hear "I'd fuck her" or "Nice tits!" but also that Bald-O figured out the movie's secret in about 18 minutes! My boy gets smarter when drunk. Weird.

Yeah, not much to this weekend but that's okay. A funeral pretty much takes people's desires for fun and puts everything in the surroundings as dismally dark. Even the rain that came from Sunday night til late this afternoon summed it up well. At least, I got to help a guy figure out what to wear to a funeral since his good clothes got pretty fucked up due to his ever expanding waistline. I did not know that JCPenney's has that many ties for the southern drunken gentlemen.

Oh, I did get to visit my past in such a shocking way. Remember the old school Nintendo games? Well, in this small town's mall, a new place opened up with all the old arcade games like Duck Hunt, Metal Slug, Popeye, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles In Time, and X-Men. That was one hell of a trip back for me since I was a bit of a gamer thanks to Nintendo. Seeing kids have a pizza party there was nice. MTV makes me wonder if we are sending kids to strip joints a bit too early to celebrate that birthday moment.

Editor: "Even you, my boy, have a heart to wish innocense until it is time to disappear. Monkeys are so funny, too!"

- - 2009-07-07

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