-Cookie

Well, I had an interesting effect after my workout. Thanks to the fact that I went to Petsmart for a few squeaky toys, my dogs were as happy as can be. Tails were wagging. Butts were shaking and those little eyes just looking up at me to say what I know they wanted to say as they ran off with their fresh new squeaky toys. Yes, I am an everday hero but I have no clue as to why a guy would say that during a heavy makeout session, Cookie.

So, most of tonight has been the sounds of squeaks and more squeaks as Jethro and Buffy have been making many, many tunes. It's like 2 little idiots in desperate need of Nair that just cannot seem to put down their harmonicas.

Seen the new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue? Ugh. Awful cover! I have no clue as to why these editors that put women through so much on that TV show looking for a new girl did this bad. There were many pictures located within the magazine that would be much better because this present cover is dull, too dull.

I should know. Even though I don't look at the Swimsuit Issue much, I still collect them due to me having the issues from 1983 and up. They are actually worth a pretty penney if kept in nice condition so I have an excuse in placing a large collection of women posing in swimsuits right next to my massive collection of Playboy Magazines. Yeah, I'm a collector of all sorts of things since I have a good eye for beauty and interesting lifestyles. Playboy READERS treat women with respect and by that I mean guys that actuall read the damn thing instead of just looking at the naked women.

I like Chris Rock in a few ways and I've got to give him props for stating something I've been itching to get out. Aren't the Oscars more about the clothes than the actual awards? Geez, I'd want to just show up get my award, celebrate the arts, and then go home rather than have to be forced to talk to Joan Rivers (I'd take her over the daughter since it would be fun to fuck with her obviously alzheimer's full mind) and tell the world what designer I am wearing. I'm sure I'd get props for my Abercrombie cargo shorts and plain Calvin Klein t's and would likely flash the camera so everyone knows the color undies I'm wearing.

Editor: "If girls can show their thongs, Hedgie will show his undies. Somehow life goes on."

For me, the only award show I watch is the Oscars. It's so easy, to me, in picking who will win but I actually like some of the pompuous things they do. I'm fine with the songs but I follow more on the clips of movies since I still hold a child's eye in wonderment towards film. Just seeing Ziyi Zhang fly up the bamboo trees to richote off daggers flying in her direction or how well deserving the Lord Of the Rings Trilogy did in making 3 amazing movies of more than just adventure.

Oh, by the way, you can take your Usher, Lil Jon, most rappers, and all those moronic music award shows and shove 'em up your droopy ass. I'm pretty much tired of how pathetic music has become thanks to mediocre talent like Ashlee Simpson and her sister being allowed to sell CDs.

We did have a highlight! I was hit on in the gym, this afternoon by a very cute girl. She definitely wanted some attention once she finished her workout and I was walking toward her on my way to the locker room. Strokes my ego and the fact that she even watched me do my push-ups made them easier. Isn't it fun to find you are still wanted and that this person may be undressing you with his/her eyes while watching you? I wonder how big she imagined my dick.....

Not much other than being hit on. The girl even tried to join me on that cardio equipment I am still trying to get the hang of but even she couldn't handle it. I'm not kidding that this "ellicopter" (it has a weird name, folks) is so fucking hard to get past even 1 minute of use.

Today's time on this ellicopter was 6 minutes and 10 seconds. Why do I know this? Because I am trying to slowly up my time spent on this hard to use machine. Your legs feel like total jelly while on it but soon turn to solid steel as you try to walk. Oh, that pump is fucking weird but worth it as girl hits on me.

We're just starting to get some kind of ice rain thingee. Our outside deck has patches of small ice portions on it as it started to rain. Weird. Very weird and makes it harder for us to get our dogs outside to shit. Cold weather has us finding more turds in the house than on sunny days.

Editor: "Hey, you can play weatherman! If you find more than 3 piles of poo, that means it is really cold and windy. If 5 piles, that means snow. Kind of like that fucked up groundhog thing, huh?"

Man, I hate getting a major craving for Cheetos but that's just what happens when watching that MTV's Sweet Sixteen show. A parent that spends a quarter of a million dollars on some spoiled rich white boy that thinks he is Kanye West is a guy I'd like to throw my dogs' poop at. Polo shirts with collars up were during the 80's and should remain in that era. Can we add guys in pink?

Well, that's all the news fit to print from me for now. I'm hoping to be in a better mood even if I am a hero to my dogs for the moment. They're so spoiled with toys that the tend to forget the time I take out of my day to get them just the right type of squeaky toy. If you see a guy in the dog toy aisle squeezing furry toys, that's just me. Avoid me like the plague because I'm out of my fucking mind due to the canine variety that look at me with those little dark eyes. Goodnight.

- - 2009-07-07

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