-Team America: World Police

What a day of walking around with a major surge of endorphins! I'm not kidding that that hour in the gym had me in some kind of weird feel-good-to-the-max state. By now, all that excess salt, that I consumed thanks to my stupidity, should be gone. No more feeling like I am carrying 6 kids with a dash of Michael Jackson's "Jesus Juice."

Who else is all happy for the release of The Incredibles on DVD? I've seen the beginning and much of the end thanks to my father's need to.......psst.....get certain files all while placing them onto a DVD playable disc. The film is lovely and more thought provoking than even I thought it would be.

Who knew that Pixar would be such a company nobody could better? I mean, they've taken some of the cutest characters, placed them in a childlike setting, but not dumbed them down to the point that we adults would start inhaling strange fumes. Nope, I'll easily tell that I loved Toy Story 1 and 2 and point out a copy of Monsters Inc. in my DVD collection soon to have The Incredibles nearby.

Before my trip to the gym, VH1 got me a bit pumped by showing it's 100 Most Wanted Bodies segment. Funny how most of the women shown were not attractive to me. I'm just too picky but Jessica Alba, Elle McPherson, and Angelina Jolie would drive me crazy.

First of all, Jessica Alba should not have been in the 40's but in the Top 10. Halle Berry is just nothing to me, okay? People think I am gay because her topless scene in Swordfish didn't make me whistle or toot. Not once. Jessica has this tummy and face and, oh, that ass I got to see thanks to Idle Hands. Fuck Halle Berry or Jennifer Aniston.

However, if you are looking for the all around package, Angelina Jolie is mine. We can all picture her throwing us around in bed, tying us up, and forcing us to say things we never thought we'd say. Plus, a quote I love:

"You're in bed, you've got knives. Shit happens."

Many people do not understand my love of Keira Knightley as I have talked about over and over. I am sorry, dear reader, but she is someone that makes my heart race so fast and dream of being her bicycle seat everyday she needs to ride while ringing the bike's bell. Aren't I a little romantic? Just witness Sara groaning as I talk about Keira after seeing The Jacket with her to get an idea of my warped mind on her.

The point is that my taste in women runs in the smart range. Looks don't cut it with me quite as easily. I need more! I want to know their thoughts, what they read, how they see things, and I want them to rebel. Keira doesn't whore herself off to Hollywood they way I see other actresses do these days. I want someone that has a uniqueness that doesn't give a fuck what others think, like Angelina. Okay, I'll drop this dull topic.

Most of the time spent after the gym was watching the local college team beat Wisconsin for the Big Ten Title. It wasn't much of a shock but the team sure is shooting bad to the point that I worry how far they can take themselves in The Big Dance.

Oh, and then I read a little DragonLance to see if my secretive characters were doing okay after a battle with a band of hobgoblins. See? I'll blend my day with a bit of sports and then go into dork territory to expand my mind. It's at this point that I feel enlightened all while I will sit and ask where some of my socks disappear to after a wash. Legend has it that each week a pair ends up on University Avenue around 2pm but then are scooped up for fuel by little green aliens named "Sparky" and "Medula."

Oh, I cannot go to sleep without mentioning The Discovery Channel's showing of The Anatomy Of Sex. Awesomely fun to watch what I have been saying in many entries here on Diaryland. Sex is very primal.

The thing that makes me groan is this thought that sex is used for procreation and that females want to mate to produce offspring. Well, I'm a guy but I don't have an interest in kids, really. I mean, there may be a small thought of them in the future but I just don't feel this need to continue passing my genes. I'm good with dogs but kids scare me.

What about how people tell me that I would make a good dad? I get that a lot! There was this one girl I'll never forget that told me how my personality is perfect and that it would make it easier for me to talk to children. Okay, but I still prefer dogs.

Editor: "Hedgehoggy has only held 1 baby, Bald-O's sister's daughter a day after she was born. There are pictures if you can believe this coming from a guy that hides when babies are being passed around."

So, TDC's Anatomy Of Sex had that lowlight of telling me that I am supposed to feel the urge to have children but the rest of the show was amusing. According to it, women measure a man in how intense her orgasm is: If he's good, it's a possible mate for life. Never thought of it that way.

Another one was their telling that women walked on all 4's way back when but had to keep their asses in the air to show males that they were wanted for sex with their swollen pink parts and their scent. Now, wouldn't life be so much easier if this stayed? No more wondering or games but the bars will lose a bit of business.

The part that did surprise me was the subject of penises. The ladies liked talking about their husbands' or boyfriends' right there on camera. According to them, penises had to be not too short and not too thick. I just love naughty girls but then I got to wondering what Sara thinks of mine.

The whole point of the show was to show how sexuality is so primal. It's about senses and how the brain reacts, the limbic system. In no way was the show scared about showing how we guys get boners and how vagina's get soaked for lubrication. I'm sure the religious fucks would have a field day but to me, the whole thing was fun to hear couples and their feelings towards the other.

Lust is huge and I mean........HUGE! I love that feeling of being lusted after along with lusting for someone. You think about her night and day or just wanting to cuddle up close to her as she sleeps. There is a time you just throw her over your shoulder playfully and then drop her on the bed to hold her arms down as you kiss her all over. The next thing you know, I have problems with her Victoria's Secret Pink Collection bra to which I get all embarassed about because I damn well know how to take a bra off! I swear! Well, we all know how it goes from here once the color returns to my cheeks and the crying stops. Sex!

Editor: "Hey, those bras are tough, yo!"

- - 2009-07-07

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Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07