Me: "Fartin'."

*Long pause*

Me: "So, what do YOU do all day?"

Grandma: "Fartin' around."

Me: "I'm not so sure Grandpa likes that."

This was an actual conversation held by yours truly and my grandma. I'm not sure if it gives you, the reader, a good idea as to how conversations go when it comes to talking to my mother's side of relatives. Due to my not having seen my grandparents for so long, it was hard to come up with more than just "fartin' around" but we tried by getting into how my grandma loves my shoes or how she thinks I need to start wearing suspenders to hold my "baggy drawers" up.

This will definitely not be a night I forget. My mother and I were lost on the interstate and ended up a half hour late in getting back from seeing my grandparents. On the way, we listened to the local college team playing Arizona so most of our interests were in this even though I did complain about my mother's driving. The 2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts kept me from going too far.

"74 miles from home. Take one down and pass it around. 73 miles from home.....take...."

Mom got annoyed when I started singing how many miles we were from home as well as suggesting that the reason she drives so slow is that she needed a bigger broom. That got a big laugh out of my mother, a woman that taunts me by farting in the kitchen and blaming it on various animals.

Right now, I am playing around with the newest issue of Entertainment Weekly's Pop Culture Quiz. Know movies? Well, they have this amazingly funny and uber fun 100 question quiz on them that will get to you. I'm not sure how I did since I have yet to total my score. Last year's was better than average but I am still scratching my head on why I cannot answer the first Kill Bill question.

I'm sure Sara can beat me at this pop culture quiz but she has to be willing to overcome the Star Wars devotion part. I'm a Star Wars know-most-it-all! Nya nya nya! Neener neener!

Reading the latest email from Sammy. Cute and congragulations. I'll get back to you soon but due to the onroad chaos and various pratfalls, it can't be tonight. Pictures of me and Sara? Well, I'll send you some and more so hold on to your thong in your heart.

Darth Vader: "There will be lots of spankings."

At first, I was suspicious as to my mother's insisting I go along to see my grandparents due to this event being a good way of cornering me. No questions about Sara or anything going on within my life. My mom and I just had the usual weirdness talking after I woke up from a 2 hour nap on the way there. It was my naming how many miles in sing-songee that was on the way back.

3 Krispy Kremes later.......

Did anyone watch my local college beat Arizona!?! That was an amazing game, folks! My boys were down 12 points with a little over 2 minutes to come back and tie the damn thing. Final Four, I cannot wait to watch! Our basketball team is celebrating 100 years and it's thrilling to see them go so far.

What is up, Alison? Yes, you. Why haven't you gotten back to me in so long? Geez, we used to have some of the weirdest emails that carried more depth than a Sex And the City episode.

So, all I can tell you is that seeing my grandparents was nice but witnessing my grandma's alzheimer's wasn't as horrible as last time. Sure, I answered the same question 3 times but this was a woman that taught me how to play Rummy and belch at the kitchen table. Jokers were wild but Grandma was a bit more when provided with just 1 beer and her dog.

Indiana? I'll get into that soon but my mind is still driving on an endless interstate all while Bridget Jones keeps trying to enlighten me about how good Fig Newtons are. I must be the only guy that finds her amusing. I'm a bit British so let's leave it at that, folks. I'll leave you with a fact:

"Vader (as in Darth Vader) means "father" in Dutch." Did you know that?

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07