-Sara (my girlfriend, if you are new to this diary)

The reason I start out with a quote from Sara is that I was kind of having a downer of a day while walking out of my gym. Parts of me were still strained from thinking a bit too much on this college get together and others were just of a tired me. Sara's quote from a recent email was what recharged some of my batteries to the point that I got home feeling a bit of pep. We all need a significant other like that and I hope you, dear reader, have one.

I do battle with a machine destined to destroy me but each day I prevail. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up but I'm a stubborn old bastard, just like my enemy, the elliptical.

Never heard of an elliptical machine, something found in gyms? Well, a good swift ride of this little monster will set your ass on a ride it'll never forget. I've got two round buns o' steel gripped in such fury that I can barely walk afterwards. We are so much a glutton for punishment and, baby, it feels good!

The elliptical machine is basically one that you stand on but ride with 2 pre-destined foot pedals that push you on. Some have long ski-like poles to push as well but I've selected this mad-daddy of a bastard without 'em since I barely lasted 2 minutes my first time. Think you can do better? Oh, I dare ya to do this after a 45-minute time spent with heavy weights and little rest. Your ass will be screaming for mercy along with jelly for legs.

It's my little slice of heaven because I enjoy punishment. I know this is sad but it's true that some people love to see how tough they are and I just hate hitting the elliptical machine once I've done my daily weight session that ends with reverse sit-ups. I'm a professional so, please, do not try my workout in complete sanity.

Why do we do it? Why do we work out and enjoy it? Well, the only enjoyment I get is an amazing pump and the feeling of adrenaline's pumping all throughout me, causing me to walk a little better and a bit more okay with stripping down in a locker room full of sweaty naked men. I'm sure there are lots of girls out there wanting to see a bunch of flaccid penises dangling all around but it's not as sexy as you'd like. Big Dan does not towel down Robby while Peter licks Dan's balls.

Yeah, most of my thoughts on the elliptical were of that college get-together but shrugged them off once I got in my car and thought of Sara's quote. I'm not going and if I were to find myself there, I'll just go see Bald-O and leave the next morning.

It's after Bald-O's call (He likes me!!) that I learn even he doesn't wish to go. Am I da shit or what? When I told him that I may not go all thanks to Amanda and Julie's appearances, his voice sounded uninterested. A party just isn't a party if a drunken Hedgehoggy isn't there to tell weird sex stories after 12 beers. What's fun is seeing the horrorific look on the faces of the conservative idiots I used to hang out with in college.

I always thought college was a place to explore life's options, namely sexuality and your limits.

I miss my boys down south and may see them soon. It's a done deal that I will be there for July 4th, Bald-O's big bash for the fireworks as I have become a member of the family. His mom adores me and his dad said this, "Man, you say some of the stupidest shit, sometimes, but you are so funny." See, I love it when people let me be me. It's only when I am comfortable that I allow people to see all of me.

See Jonnie Cochran's funeral? It was like a who's who of people that should be in prison. Seriously. There was Michael Jackson, P. Diddly and OJ paying their respects. We all know OJ should be in prison and P. Diddly should have gun charges placed on him while poor, poor Michael should be getting ready for prison. "Jesus Juice" just might have sent him too far as he'll be poked by all sorts of males, just bigger and thicker than the penises he's used to playing with. Man, think of the giggles Michael would make as he takes it up the ass for the first time.

Heidi Fleiss: "Some people pay big money for those types of things and I should know."

Not exactly looking forward to the elliptical machine tomorrow. The Spring has brought a bit of a heat wave so my sleeveless t-shirt has taken a whole new meaning to the word "drenched" when it clings to my body. My ugly ass nipples will be easily seen as I walk off the machine to drink as much water as I can. Cardio is a monster that must be dealt with and dealt with well.

Again, I hate getting sweaty balls but that's life!

Funny how the nicer the weather gets the easier it is to get a cardio machine at the time you want it. Takes a small amount of the fun of trying hard to track one down that isn't in use by a sweaty hairy male. I've seen some guys that I wish their wives would not send them out in public like that. Gorillas are not fun to look at while they wear headbands and yellow tank-tops.

Cardio isn't just from the gym, for me. I chase my dogs out on the deck for a short while. The confused look on their faces on how to get someone much, much bigger than them is priceless. I'm sure that people looking out their window think I am some retarded guy that has a hard time with the 4-legged variety by making weird sounds but that's me, all 189 pounds of me.

Well, I am just gonna scamper on up to read a chapter of Dragon Lance or an article on spanking your mate. I've never thought that there would be conventions on the correct method in spanking your lover but there are. We all need to explore what turns us on so give your lover a good smack on the bottom for me. A good mark is something well deserved and, yes, I have had a smack or 2 given to me. Possible sexy entry tomorrow because I'm thinking I need to pay tribute to vaginas again. Goodnight and may your ass be sore.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07